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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU “being noisy “ whilst DH working from home

114 replies

mumof2exhausted · 20/07/2021 14:29

Husband is working from home. He has been able to go back into office for a long time, lots of his colleagues have and he goes in now and again but he prefers to work from home as can sit outside , go for runs on his lunch break etc. All fine but kids now on summer holidays and we also have a baby. He’s getting really grumpy telling us all to be quiet all the time. Just had a massive row where I told him to go back to the office if he wants silence! I’m not being unreasonable am I??

OP posts:

BIWI · 20/07/2021 15:36

... and I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 20/07/2021 15:39

YANBU. We've had the same discussion after he resorted to slamming the door whenever he was on a call and the children made even a tiny bit of noise. I take them out when I can but I have my own jobs to do around the house so he has to put up with it or go into the office.

Yesitsbess · 20/07/2021 15:41

Give the children cymbals and kazoos. He'll be back in the office in no time.

Also, he's having a nap?

billyt · 20/07/2021 15:42

Gone for a nap at 3:15? So he's irresponsible as well?

I work mostly from home, have done for over 20 years. Luckily now the family have grown I have an upstairs office, Where I work. I do a proper days work as if I was in our actual office. Ok, I do have breaks to make/get a drink or have lunch. But I do a full days work. (I'm off today so here I am)

Too many people use WFH as a skive, and then whine when they're told to return to office because jobs aren't getting done.

Peace43 · 20/07/2021 15:50

I work full time from home. I sit in my office and I request that anyone coming in is quiet until I mute the line. Other than that the house makes no allowances for me.

Geamhradh · 20/07/2021 15:52

@Yesitsbess

Give the children cymbals and kazoos. He'll be back in the office in no time.

Also, he's having a nap?

Fuck that. Give us the address and we'll all come round with cymbals!

Turkishangora · 20/07/2021 15:55

In used to love working from home as it was a novelty and blissfully quiet. I can't tolerate it anymore with kids here and dh working from home too. Kids friends rattling in and out, neighbours kids screeching in the back garden and the sound of power tools all day. I now love the fact that I can go into the workplace! Psychologically I don't think this permanent WFH is good for us long term, we need a boundary between work and home and I think men in particular let their work life blue into their personal life and expect the rest of the family to make adjustments. YANBU he needs to go back to the office. DH is also refusing to go to an office as he likes going for a run etc in his lunch break. Doing my head in.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 20/07/2021 15:56

He sounds as though he thinks everything has to be on his terms and he is the boss of you. Fuck that, and fuck his nap. Give each of your DC a saucepan and a wooden spoon and tell them to go for it, maybe marching up and down the stairs as they play.

EKGEMS · 20/07/2021 15:57

I can't roll my eyes enough at your selfish husband! My DH is working from home 95% now and the only thing I don't do is vacuum when he is on a call-if not he says "No problem" when I check if it'll disturb him. He's working upstairs in our "bonus room" the American version of a converted loft. He's got a bathroom and a mini fridge so again he only comes down on his own terms.

endofthelinefinally · 20/07/2021 15:58

He has a work office and a home office but chooses to intrude on family space? YANBU

newnortherner111 · 20/07/2021 16:00

Unreasonable to expect silence all the time. Unreasonable to go to work in an office when working from home is practical.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/07/2021 16:00

What a twat! Honestly.

Agree with everyone else.

Give the kids the nosiest toys they have and tell them to go and play with Daddy...

TotorosCatBus · 20/07/2021 16:00

Yanbu in the slightest. He has children so needs to realise that term-time and school holidays are going to be very different.

ememem84 · 20/07/2021 16:01

Up until last week I was back in the office. It was glorious. But with cases on the rise again here 2900 currently I think (Channel Islands) we’ve been told to work remotely again.

DH is working from home too. He’s commandeered the dining table and essentially the whole downstairs.

Yesterday he had a nap at lunchtime. And because I’m working from dds room I didn’t realise he hadn’t woken up from it. So he got a solid 3 hours in.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 20/07/2021 16:01

He’s having a nap while you manage a baby and older DC?!
That would give me the rage.
God I wish my DH would go back to the office. You have my full sympathy. I’ve arranged a load of play dates next week at home to encourage him back

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/07/2021 16:02

He has an office to go to, and a home office and yet he’s sitting at the dining room table??? Which others have noted is your work space.

Never heard of anything so selfish!

He needs to go back to the office for an office environment.

He’s currently working in a home. That’s first and foremost a place for the family to live. No one should have to be creeping around him.

And the nap would just push me over the edge. No wonder he doesn’t fancy the office as he couldn’t nap there!

Just10moreminutesplease · 20/07/2021 16:04

What an arse. If he’s working in the communal area he should expect noise.

Does he ever do something with the children at lunchtime or is he always napping, running, or something else that’s purely for him?

TheFoundations · 20/07/2021 16:05

@MrsTerryPratchett

I know I'll get called a drama llama but this is very close to emotionally abusive. He wants his environment exactly perfect while controlling the environment of you and the children. Everything is tailored to his needs, nothing to yours. He wants all the consideration and control.

I felt that too. It's so controlling, of so many family members, beyond their comfort, and has resulted in a massive row.

OP have you asked him non confrontationally if he wants you to stop the kids laughing and having noisy, summer holiday fun? And how he wants you to do that? And what he thinks kids are supposed to do in the summer holidays? Ask him to plan a few days for the kids so that they can be happy and silent. See what he thinks is realistic.

Chess?

I'll bet he has no ideas and puts the responsibility for working out how to solve his problem on you.

What's he like aside from this issue? Gentle? Accommodating? Respectful? Does he listen to you?

BobbiPink · 20/07/2021 16:07

Honestly, are offices ever silent?! There’s a constant, grating background din or inane chatter in mine. I’d much rather hear my own kids playing or talking than Susan cackling at her own joke or Jane having a gossip with John.

If he doesn’t like the sound of his own kids then he can go to the office. If he wants pin drop silence, he can go to the moon.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/07/2021 16:07

He has an upstairs office, the option of going into work, and has time for a nap.

Fucker needs to check himself.

I'm wfh. My dh is off with the kids for the next fortnight ,- I've booked myself into the office every day

Wingedharpy · 20/07/2021 16:09

Time to do a spot of hoovering then OP.?

maddening · 20/07/2021 16:10

I am wfh but in an upstairs room with door shut and headphones for meetings, other things happening in the house do not bother me.

19Bears · 20/07/2021 16:11

My 'd'h has been working from home for the past year and a bit. Our house is really small so he works at a tiny table in the living room, and has LBC on all day, so the kids just get on with whatever they want to do when they get in from school but are as quiet as they can be as they don't want to disturb their dad. It's draining though when I come home and all I hear is him sighing and whining about people he has to deal with on the phone. So we have tried to fit around him, be quiet, and at times I have to drop whatever I'm doing and help him with things he cant do... Anyway, he has to go back to the office soon for one day a week, and he is constantly moaning about that, how stressful it will be, how he's much more comfortable at home etc. Yeah mate, I've had to go out to work all this time, taking chances in the office with people who are positive or live with people who have tested positive, and when I come home all the housework is waiting for me, the kids want me to play as they've been bored all day, and when you finish your work you put the telly on and go to sleep on the sofa. It's all fine and dandy for me then, eh.
YANBU at all.

MsVestibule · 20/07/2021 16:12

I'm pleased you're standing your ground. I have a feeling my mainly lovely DH would pull this type of shit if I let him but I don't, and as a result, have an equal, respectful relationship.

I like what the PP said about him sitting at your work table. Next time he complains, tell him to f* off back to his office upstairs or his office at work and stop disturbing your working environment with his whining.

bloodyhell19 · 20/07/2021 16:14

YANBU. He's being very selfish - what did he expect would happen. Tell him it's his office or he can go into work...! He is now in your & DCs workspace.

Alternatively hand the kids sugar and tambourines and he'll scarper in no time.

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