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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
Tealwarrior · 19/07/2021 19:32

Blimey, I didn’t know that was a yawning emoji. I thought it was a head in hands one

My apologies 🤣

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 19:32

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I am confused about your yawning emoji there😂
I'm glad it's not just me! 😂😂

Perhaps they mistook it for the pukey one? 🤮

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 19:33

@Tealwarrior

Blimey, I didn’t know that was a yawning emoji. I thought it was a head in hands one

My apologies 🤣

Oh, that's even funnier 🤣
SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 19:33

@Tealwarrior

Blimey, I didn’t know that was a yawning emoji. I thought it was a head in hands one

My apologies 🤣

😂😂 it was really confusing for a minute

🤦 This is what you were looking for😂

Tealwarrior · 19/07/2021 19:33

Thank you 😊

MarianneUnfaithful · 19/07/2021 20:00

I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food

Quite right. That’s what Dads are for.

Any expectation that their son / grandson might be clearing up after the baby?

overtherainbo · 19/07/2021 20:10

I always pick up any mess, scrape the food onto one plate and stack the empty plates under. Personally I've always done this and also tell my children to do the same

maybemu · 19/07/2021 20:13

Should have cleared it up. I always do it and the waitresses are always grateful. They are paid to clear a tables

Sadiecow · 19/07/2021 20:18

Only 10 peas? You could've managed that surely!

Don't think OP will be back!

Sadiecow · 19/07/2021 20:19

@inpixiehollow if you dropped food on the floor, would you just like ignore it?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 19/07/2021 20:24

I always make an effort to pick up food dropped in a restaurant. If a toddler has dropped 10 bits I'm happy to leave one or two hard to reach bits but I have, in the past, crouched down to get all of it up.
Why wouldn't you? It takes seconds.

I often wet-wipe my toddler's area of table down top for crumbs and spills too. I probably wouldn't for my own plate, or if I spilled a bit of drink, just kids food and crumbs are ao annoying to clean up.

I think YABU.

AlwaysLatte · 19/07/2021 20:29

I've seen people walk away leaving a mess all around in restaurants. It's disgusting.

AbstractHeart · 19/07/2021 20:54

@overtherainbo

I always pick up any mess, scrape the food onto one plate and stack the empty plates under. Personally I've always done this and also tell my children to do the same
Please don't do this, people that work in hospitality hate it. Servers have an optimised system for clearing tables and you've probably unintentionally added to their workload and/or put them at risk. They know how to safely carry the maximum number of items and your pile of plates may exceed what they're comfortable carrying and cause injury or accident. Also many venues organise waste into separate bins so scraping it together isn't helpful.
ginandgingers92 · 19/07/2021 21:22

@AbstractHeart maximum plate loads and carrying safety definitely wasn't in any of my hospitality training 🙈😂

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 21:25

Please don't do this, people that work in hospitality hate it. Servers have an optimised system for clearing tables and you've probably unintentionally added to their workload and/or put them at risk. They know how to safely carry the maximum number of items and your pile of plates may exceed what they're comfortable carrying and cause injury or accident. Also many venues organise waste into separate bins so scraping it together isn't helpful.

Food waste isn't being sorted by type anywhere I know. As long as you don't stack 20 plates, it's fine.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 21:26

Just want to say that the moment when people hate this is when someone stacks plates with food and cutlery still on on top of each other so it's a wobbly leaky mess. Good intention, horrible death tower🙈

AbstractHeart · 19/07/2021 21:28

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Please don't do this, people that work in hospitality hate it. Servers have an optimised system for clearing tables and you've probably unintentionally added to their workload and/or put them at risk. They know how to safely carry the maximum number of items and your pile of plates may exceed what they're comfortable carrying and cause injury or accident. Also many venues organise waste into separate bins so scraping it together isn't helpful.

Food waste isn't being sorted by type anywhere I know. As long as you don't stack 20 plates, it's fine.

It's quite standard to sort waste into recyclable non-food, non-recyclable non-food, compostable food, & non-compostable food.

I've also worked in a place where uneaten veg was scraped into a bucket to be made into the next day's soup and meat bones were scraped into a bucket to be made into stock! Disgusting but true!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/07/2021 21:38

I don't know. I worked anywhere from takeaway to 4* hotel and there was food waste and other waste. Not food waste by types. The tissue on my top of the plate would be taken into general waste bin whether or not plates were stacked by the customer.
For example veg with creamy sauslce couldn't be put into compostable from the plate anyway. Diary and fat etc doesn't go in.
We did have in couple of kitchens separate for raw materials like veg peels etc, but not for stuff coming back.

And omg that is absolutely disgusting the soup making🤢

CheekiBreeki · 19/07/2021 21:45

Yes, it is rude to leave so much mess. I thought yoi were going to say it was just one tiny little morsel, but your description of 10 peas makes it sound as though there was a heck of a mess down there.

However, it is no more your responsibility than it is the dad's. He could have picked it up but chose not to, and MIL was annoyed at you rather than him. That's interesting.

overtherainbo · 19/07/2021 21:55

I've never known not to do this, with food all being from the children's plates anyways I didn't see a problem.

There's only ever 4 plates and cutlery is placed ontop😂

magsbagsfags · 19/07/2021 21:57

@PheasantsNest

I would be ashamed to leave a mess. It would have taken you seconds to pick them up.
Me too. It's just manners OP.

You sound very entitled and precious.

Quite appalling behaviour.

HalzTangz · 19/07/2021 22:18

I've always cleaned up food my child dropped on the floor, just as I would pick something up if I dropped it on the floor. I don't believe in making others clean up my méss

Mistymountain · 19/07/2021 22:19

I always ask myself in these circumstances "What would the Queen do"?

moynomore · 19/07/2021 22:22

@overtherainbo

I always pick up any mess, scrape the food onto one plate and stack the empty plates under. Personally I've always done this and also tell my children to do the same
The worst thing you can do to wait staff in a restaurant. Let them decide how to clear and stack. I would have hated this.
Original poster
inpixiehollow · 20/07/2021 00:38

Just coming back to clarify a few things. I wouldn't have called it 'excessive' mess at all, I've seen and dealt with 10x worse in my own hospitality job previously if I thought it was a bigger job I would have made an offer to clean it up. Lots of people saying that the workers would have had to get on their hands and knees to clear up though which is a bit bizarre of a suggestion considering they would have a vacuum cleaner or a long handled brush to sweep with.. I did wipe up the mess on the table but thought it was somewhat a reasonable level of mess to leave behind from a baby imo. Weeks before she made a huge mess with a pasta dish which would have taken the staff some considerable time to clean up and the pub was really busy so I made an effort to pick up as much as possible there, I'm not 'usually' somebody who scarpers off leaving a mountain of cleaning to do.

OP posts: