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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked children in courtyard cafés

290 replies

bibblybop · 18/07/2021 17:28

Today DH and I took DS to a local beauty spot. Like a National Trust but not actually NT if you get me? Beautiful gardens, old mansion, gorgeous.

We were having a bite to eat in the courtyard cafe near a family with several young children running around. Fine. Except the youngest little girl (roughly 3yo) was running around completely naked.

I'm not a prude, and I'm very sympathetic to parents as I know from experience that kids can be unruly/unreasonable and sometimes decorum has to come second to a child's need (i'm thinking public wees in an emergency kind of scenarios here...)

But I feel like allowing your child to run around completely naked in an outdoor café is a bit much? People are there trying to enjoy their lunch while a little girl is romping around everyone's tables with no clothes on... I know it's hot but it's a cafe FGS

I'd love to know people's thoughts on this because I feel like I'm missing something 🙈😂 Surely they can't think that's acceptable? Or is it?!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 18/07/2021 18:27

Yanbu

The only time a child should be naked is in their own home, or getting changed for things like swimming.

If I was to randomly come across a little splash park when I didn’t have the swimming stuff, I would strip them to their underwear, let them run, and change them into their clothes once done

Whimsy14 · 18/07/2021 18:28

Not appropriate in public. Even a pair of cotton pants is ok but not naked.

EssentialHummus · 18/07/2021 18:30

Definitely not acceptable. I don't want to see a stranger's genitalia when I'm eating - age immaterial. Running around is not acceptable - clothed or not. What if the child ran into a member of staff carrying hot food or drink?

All this. I think it’d be fairly bad luck / unlikely to find a paedophile with their phone out at a particular cafe at the same time as a random naked child, but I think it’s on parents to teach kids appropriate behaviour and nudity + running around in cafes isn’t it.

We took our 3/nearly 4yo to a casual restaurant today. We’d been to a water fountain before. We changed her out of her wetsuit before (though I’d have settled for a tshirt thrown over it), and when we were waiting for food we walked around with her so she didn’t disturb others. Like just about every other parent in the country would’ve done.

TheOrigRights · 18/07/2021 18:31

@Hoppinggreen

DH is German and the DC inherited his lax attitude to clothes They have grown out of it now but it was hard to get them to wear swimsuits on the beach/by the pool on holiday and during the summer if at home or in the garden they were generally naked But no way would I have let them do it in that environment
I'm pretty sure a desire to not wear clothes is not an inherited conditions Grin
1FootInTheRave · 18/07/2021 18:32

Completely inappropriate.

onlyconnect · 18/07/2021 18:34

I see I'm in a minority to say the least but to me it's not a problem. We don't make children's lives better by letting "weirdos" dictate the rules.

Shelovesamystery · 18/07/2021 18:34

Parents who don't respect their dc's privacy reallly piss me off tbh. Letting them be naked in public and naked paddling pool/potty training/bath photos on social media are irresponsible and plain dangerous quite frankly.

RaspberryRoyale88 · 18/07/2021 18:34

I don’t think it’s appropriate. Running in a cafe is really annoying and I hate parents that let their kids run around.

I would also be worried about sunburn and the fact that you don’t know who could be watching your child.

If it was a pool, that’s different but a cafe? No. I don’t want to see anyone’s arse whilst I’m eating.

Benjispruce5 · 18/07/2021 18:35

Wouldn’t bother me but I would put a light dress on my child in that situation. Perhaps she’s got wet?

SweatyPie · 18/07/2021 18:35

@onlyconnect

I see I'm in a minority to say the least but to me it's not a problem. We don't make children's lives better by letting "weirdos" dictate the rules.
Fine, but why not just put on underwear? They can still run around freely. I cannot imagine my child running around with her privates out around strangers.
PerciphonePuma · 18/07/2021 18:37

@MapGirlExtraordinaire

I'd find it cute tbh. My two have been naked in public many times, they want to and I can't think of a good reason to say no. If it bothers someone else then that's their problem.

Noise and running so close as to cause people aggravation I would put a stop to, but a 3 yr old's little naked bum? Nah, fine in my book.

Errrr paedophiles?! Particularly now that pretty much everyone has a camera on their phone!

HmmHmmHmmHmmHmmHmm

spongedog · 18/07/2021 18:39

Although I accept the issue regarding everyone having a mobile and taking photos, that risk belongs to the family. So that isnt my call to make.

But like many pps I dont want to see naked flesh when I am eating. Sorry! It isnt part of any normal culture in the UK. Then there are the risks of letting young children be uncontrolled near hot drinks and food. I would be devastated if I spilled hot tea on a young child, regardless of any decision their family had made independently.

If the family had found a quiet part of the grounds and the little girl wanted to run around then fair enough, but a cafe is likely to be crowded - lots of people moving around.

I would in that situation expect a staff member to politely say something.

Okbye · 18/07/2021 18:40

God no. At the very least a pair of pants or a nappy but definitely not totally starkers in public! Good grief, why do some people think this is ok?!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 18/07/2021 18:40

I’ve just been for a walk in the Peak District.

Women walking round in just bikini bottoms…,

Doodlebug71 · 18/07/2021 18:41

@beigebrownblue

Don't mean to sound scary but the following really happened.

Someone I know allowed their under ten to bathe without clothes in a quiet tourist spot by a stream in Wales. Practical reasons really as the had already dived in twice and parent was running out of sets of dry clothes.

Later that day parent was visited by the police. Apparently a known paedophile had been filming kids there (they thought the parent was involved but they weren't).

Parent never got to find out if they actually caught the paedophile but when I heard about this I was shocked (as were they) and upset that someone had been filming the kids unbeknown to the parent.

After having heard about this - I would advise against letting kids run round like this in tourist spots. You never know.

I think it is sad but I would hate for a parent or carer to be in this situation (and their kids).

paedophiles and child sex offenders tend to be family members. Or family friends "Trusted" by the family. Yes, I do have experience of that. As do several of my older friends.

Interesting that people would be okay with this on a beach, but not in a courtyard cafe. Why? What's the differerence? Access to sand and water makes it okay?

It was 35c in the shade today (we have a barometer). pushing 50c in the sun.

SachaStark · 18/07/2021 18:42

What does women walking round the Peak District in bikini bottoms have to do with anything?

ohfuckitall · 18/07/2021 18:43

I wouldn't let my kids do it but I couldn't work up the energy to be bothered by other kids doing this.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 18/07/2021 18:43

Just thought it fitted with the general thread… obviously not🤷🏼‍♀️

oohyoudevilyou · 18/07/2021 18:45

No. Pants in public, at least. Public nudity conflicts with the Pants safeguarding rules, so even on a beach, a nappy or pair of pants is necessary.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 18/07/2021 18:45

Definitely inappropriate. My SIL encourages my neice and nephew to be naked in public. I hate it.

AuntMargo · 18/07/2021 18:52

Naked running round a cafe, no no no, beach, splash pads, no big deal but deffo not a cafe

Emmacb82 · 18/07/2021 18:52

If the rest of the children were running around fully clothed, perhaps something had happened to her clothes and they were drying them in the sun?

If not, then of course it’s not really acceptable in a cafe to let your child run, let alone run naked. Bit different in an open park or the beach. But sometimes there are reasons that we cannot see, so it’s not really fair to judge without knowing all the facts.

DottyHarmer · 18/07/2021 18:54

Were they sitting on chairs? Ewwwwwww.

Original poster
bibblybop · 18/07/2021 18:54

Interesting that people would be okay with this on a beach, but not in a courtyard cafe. Why? What's the differerence? Access to sand and water makes it okay?

Personally I feel that the beach is a place where it's commonplace to be scantily clad/semi or even fully nude (especially children) and when you go to the beach you expect this to a degree. So the onus is on you for going if that's something that bothers you.

A café however...

OP posts:
Original poster
bibblybop · 18/07/2021 18:56

@Emmacb82

If the rest of the children were running around fully clothed, perhaps something had happened to her clothes and they were drying them in the sun?

If not, then of course it’s not really acceptable in a cafe to let your child run, let alone run naked. Bit different in an open park or the beach. But sometimes there are reasons that we cannot see, so it’s not really fair to judge without knowing all the facts.

I don't know what happened to her clothes but her pants were fine. She just didn't want to wear them.
OP posts: