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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being pathetic?

85 replies

FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 12:39

Earlier today, DH was rummaging in a cupboard and found and old plaster casting kit he bought about four years ago with the idea of casting my and youngest DC's hands. Today we have so much to do and it's absolutely boiling here. The kids have piled into the pool (not fancy enough for a proper swimming pool so it's one of those 10ft framed arrangements), DH is meant to be installing a bathroom sink but instead he's decided to turn the water off, drain the system and then watch videos of people making plaster casts of their hands for "tips." So I don't get accused of drip feeding, DH has ADHD and does require reminders not to skip merrily off the tracks and into the bounds of Waste Of Time.

I said, very gently, that youngest DC wouldn't be happy getting out of the pool to sit with his hand in silicone paste for twenty minutes when it's 30 degrees and that I really needed to be able to use water dependent appliances so instead of watching videos about something he only just remembered we had, could he please finish what he had started and install the sink. Our big fan was also cooling the bathroom that nobody was working in while the living room was becoming uncomfortably sticky.

You'd think I'd screamed in his face the way he reacted. Slammed his phone down, loudly went, "Oh my GOD. FINE!!!" And stomped up every single step to the bathroom and slammed the door. I don't enjoy displays like that, especially not from grown men, so I went outside and played with the DC for a bit and then came back in, poured myself some juice and took some to DH, because it's hot. The bathroom is lovely and cool though. I said "here, where would you like me to put this?" He wordlessly pointed at a bottle of water and then stared at me. I went to put it down next to the water and he said "uh- no? I've already got water? So..... (massive sigh) I don't need your juice." Then he very deliberately put a pair of earplugs in and said "it's too hot to have to answer questions."

I could have tipped the juice over him. I didn't though.

Is he being pathetic? Or am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
3scape · 18/07/2021 12:40

Why is he installing the sink?

nimbuscloud · 18/07/2021 12:41

He’s being a shit.

TheAwfuITruth · 18/07/2021 12:42

I'd have laughed in his face at the earplug thing.

3scape · 18/07/2021 12:42

I just probably would have done it myself. He doesn't sound very invested.

FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 12:45

@3scape

Why is he installing the sink?
Is there a reason he shouldn't be?
OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 18/07/2021 12:46

No, you wasn't expecting too much. He's being pathetic.

DinosaurDiana · 18/07/2021 12:46

Yes he is.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 18/07/2021 12:47

Meh, it’s hot, he doesn’t sound like he particularly wants to spend the day installing a sink and everyone is grouchy.

He was a knob about the juice, but I’d rise above it if he’s not usually a dick.

Imapotato · 18/07/2021 12:48

He’s a man, men are pathetic and weirdly complicated. (Can you tell my own DH is pissing me off today 😂).

Furrydogmum · 18/07/2021 12:49

Is this laptop husband? You have much more patience than me!! I'd be installing a patio Wink

Doona · 18/07/2021 12:49

It depends what "is meant to be" refers to.

CandyLeBonBon · 18/07/2021 12:51

@Imapotato

He’s a man, men are pathetic and weirdly complicated. (Can you tell my own DH is pissing me off today 😂).
What an unpleasant generalisation Confused
NotAnotherPushyMum · 18/07/2021 12:52

I’d have walked out but I’m aware that’s because our marriage is close to tipping point and it wouldn’t take much to push it over that edge.

If you’re feeling more generous than me I’d leave him alone for the rest of the day to get over it. He’s being ridiculous.

billy1966 · 18/07/2021 12:54

Yea, pathetic and tedious.

I would suggest you are a lot less pleasant/ accomodating/tolerant.

I would say it is not fun growing up in a house with a father like that.

Ye all deserve better.

Imapotato · 18/07/2021 12:55

What an unpleasant generalisation

Someone may be taking my comment a bit seriously 😂

MiddleParking · 18/07/2021 12:58

Yeah I would want to chuck the juice over him too. Rude pathetic little weasel. Having ADHD doesn’t make you act the cunt, that’s all him.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/07/2021 13:01

I am always doubtful of events description.when someone writes they said "very gently" something tbh.

FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 13:05

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Meh, it’s hot, he doesn’t sound like he particularly wants to spend the day installing a sink and everyone is grouchy.

He was a knob about the juice, but I’d rise above it if he’s not usually a dick.

He's not usually a dick, but he's the one who wanted to install the sink today, and it needs doing because our current one was cracked by DH dropping a spanner in it (accidentally).
OP posts:
FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 13:07

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I am always doubtful of events description.when someone writes they said "very gently" something tbh.
Very gently means calmly and neutrally in my house. It has to. If I snapped at him or was irritable, I'd say so. Due to the heat and the shortness of peoples tempers during such times, I thought it best to clarify that it wasn't said with even the slightest hint of annoyance.
OP posts:
Elieza · 18/07/2021 13:08

He can’t put the water off and then just not bother his arse to continue.

Either he doesn’t do it at all as it’s too hot fullstop (which is understandable in this heat, I’d be postponing til next time it’s cooler personally and wouldn’t have even started it, it won’t be too long til it’s raining no doubt ).
Or
He finishes what he started as the water is required to operate taps and toilets. And keeping in mind the pandemic is still here and we are still hand washing like it’s going out of fashion I’d suggest to start and then not finish something involving cutting off the water on a roasting hot day in a pandemic is not acceptable.

Briarshollow · 18/07/2021 13:10

Having ADHD doesn’t excuse being a cunt to your wife.

FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 13:10

@Furrydogmum

Is this laptop husband? You have much more patience than me!! I'd be installing a patio Wink
Yes laptop husband!

Good job I absolutely adore him and he's the source of a great deal of happiness to us all, or I might be tempted to draw up plans! When he loses something, he really loses it!

OP posts:
fourminutestosavetheworld · 18/07/2021 13:11

Isnt this just one of those things that happens sometimes in families?

He doesn't want to install the sink, is hot, would rather be doing something fun, is procrastinating and all of this is exacerbated by ADHD.

Even asking him to get on with it gently, irritated him.

Telling him not to use the plaster cast, and saying that the kids wouldn't want to do it, irritated him.

Just leave him to it and have a nice family day after he's finished.

toocold54 · 18/07/2021 13:11

Yes he is pathetic! And just because he has ADHD it doesn’t give him a free pass to act like a childish twat.

It’s very hot we all get grumpy in the heat. He can easily do the sink or plaster cast this evening when the kids are tired from the pool and want to sit still.

FuckingFabulous · 18/07/2021 13:14

@Briarshollow

Having ADHD doesn’t excuse being a cunt to your wife.
Indeed not, I only mentioned it incase I had someone telling me I am exhausting and have no need to remind him of what needs doing.
OP posts: