Husband being pathetic?

[FuckingFabulous]

Earlier today, DH was rummaging in a cupboard and found and old plaster casting kit he bought about four years ago with the idea of casting my and youngest DC's hands. Today we have so much to do and it's absolutely boiling here. The kids have piled into the pool (not fancy enough for a proper swimming pool so it's one of those 10ft framed arrangements), DH is meant to be installing a bathroom sink but instead he's decided to turn the water off, drain the system and then watch videos of people making plaster casts of their hands for "tips." So I don't get accused of drip feeding, DH has ADHD and does require reminders not to skip merrily off the tracks and into the bounds of Waste Of Time.

I said, very gently, that youngest DC wouldn't be happy getting out of the pool to sit with his hand in silicone paste for twenty minutes when it's 30 degrees and that I really needed to be able to use water dependent appliances so instead of watching videos about something he only just remembered we had, could he please finish what he had started and install the sink. Our big fan was also cooling the bathroom that nobody was working in while the living room was becoming uncomfortably sticky.

You'd think I'd screamed in his face the way he reacted. Slammed his phone down, loudly went, "Oh my GOD. FINE!!!" And stomped up every single step to the bathroom and slammed the door. I don't enjoy displays like that, especially not from grown men, so I went outside and played with the DC for a bit and then came back in, poured myself some juice and took some to DH, because it's hot. The bathroom is lovely and cool though. I said "here, where would you like me to put this?" He wordlessly pointed at a bottle of water and then stared at me. I went to put it down next to the water and he said "uh- no? I've already got water? So..... (massive sigh) I don't need your juice." Then he very deliberately put a pair of earplugs in and said "it's too hot to have to answer questions."

I could have tipped the juice over him. I didn't though.

Is he being pathetic? Or am I expecting too much?

I would have tipped the juice on him, you are a calm individual not to have done so.

@ShinglesOuch

Did they give you antivirals? They seemed to stop new blisters for me after 3 days or so.

I can't bear anything touching me, but the placement means I'm having to wonder around topless. Not ideal. Even my own boob touching me is agony - and I can't wear anything to stop it touching me!

They did, yeah, but more have come out two days after I stopped taking them. Mine is on my scalp at the back of my neck, behind my right ear, down over my right shoulder, looping over my upper arm and across my chest in a band and then several patches on my right arm. I keep getting ice pick headaches and I can't stand anything touching me. Can't wear a bra because the straps are torture!

Dh was actually an absolute diamond in the first week- looked after me all weekend and made sure I took all my medication on time, brought me my meals and was just brilliant. The kids ate a lot of pizza, but they ate and between them all they managed to get tidied away and the kids got their homework done and were off to bed on time. So he's not a bad husband at all, he just has these little moments which I take to MN to vent about, because it wouldn't be fair to offload onto him when it's his ADhD causing him to struggle. We'll chat about it later in the week when he's totally over it!

@LH1987

I would have tipped the juice on him, you are a calm individual not to have done so.

I am a very calm individual. Not much makes me explode with rage. I won't say it doesn't happen, it just happens less often than leap years do!

Does he take medication for his ADHD? If not, why not? It could really help with focus and emotional regulation.

The Sunday has passed but if next weekend is the same and he really wants to hyper focus on the plaster casting. It’s a nice thing to want to do and your excuses about it being too hot for the kid to stay still and that he should be doing another job on his weekend aren’t going to win him over.

Explain all the things you have to do for the family and ask him if he has things to do for the family or if he would like some tasks assigned. Set an end time when you both get a break or give each other an hour break if someone has to be always ‘on’ (I know that sounds impossible but it’s not). Also, depending on if you talk about this stuff, you could ask him what work arounds he uses to get himself to do things- are there any that might help with fixing the sink?

@Franklyfrost

The Sunday has passed but if next weekend is the same and he really wants to hyper focus on the plaster casting. It’s a nice thing to want to do and your excuses about it being too hot for the kid to stay still and that he should be doing another job on his weekend aren’t going to win him over.

Explain all the things you have to do for the family and ask him if he has things to do for the family or if he would like some tasks assigned. Set an end time when you both get a break or give each other an hour break if someone has to be always ‘on’ (I know that sounds impossible but it’s not). Also, depending on if you talk about this stuff, you could ask him what work arounds he uses to get himself to do things- are there any that might help with fixing the sink?

I'm not sure it was an "excuse" given that it was 32 degrees, and I wasn't trying to win him over, it literally wasn't going to happen. As always, with many things my DH does, he thinks about six steps ahead. We have no sink now and the other one can't be plumbed in because he's realised he needs to move the pipes in order to fit the unit in place and have the sink against the wall. So instead of looking at how to do that, he now wants to renovate the entire bathroom.

LMAO i have ADHD too and I’m not an arse.

@FuckingFabulous just read your latest update, oh dear you must have the patience of a saint.
What is his plan then, what is he going to do about it ?? Im stating the obvious here, but a sink in the bathroom is an absolute necessity.

So instead of looking at how to do that, he now wants to renovate the entire bathroom - I really appreciated the OP explaining the situation with her DH's ADHD earlier, but now I'm back to still not understanding how this is funny. However, if she thinks it is, and if her DH is happy with the situation then I'd say it sounds like a match made in heaven.

@DishingOutDone

So instead of looking at how to do that, he now wants to renovate the entire bathroom - I really appreciated the OP explaining the situation with her DH's ADHD earlier, but now I'm back to still not understanding how this is funny. However, if she thinks it is, and if her DH is happy with the situation then I'd say it sounds like a match made in heaven.

Why do you think I find this funny? If I did, I wouldn't be posting in AIBU. I love my DH deeply but some of the things he does frustrate the fuck out of me. Hence why I sometimes come here and ask if I'm just being a stressy cow about it or if I'm justified in my annoyance.

I've spoken to him this morning about his plan for bathroom renovation and have told him I will only agree to it starting if he employs a tradesman and it's done within 10 days: otherwise it doesn't happen and he will have to cut new pipes to fit the sink ASAP. Because the bathroom does need renovating but it was on a "next year" list. If he wants to get it done, it gets done within a set time, because I can't cope with more renovations dragging on for months (NOT DH's doing- shitty builders.)