AIBU? Is it rude to only offer guests a set menu?

[SoLongAsTheresCheese]

We're planning on organising a smallish family gathering(within guidelines) as we still haven't met a cousin's almost two year old and haven't seen other family members for some time.

A family member is paying for everyone. It'll be in a local Italian which has very nice food. I suggested they offer the set menu which is quite extensive. But very reasonably priced. But they're concerned that it's rude.

Is it really so rude to offer a set menu and not offer guests the full a la carte experience?

I don’t think it’s rude; when I’ve been to dinners with bigger numbers it’s fairly normal I’ve found

It's not rude at all, assuming there is a veggie choice, that kind of thing. If you entertained at home there'd be no choice!

Also if someone is paying for my food then I’d never find it rude for there to be a select choice

I think that is pretty standard for gatherings.

A set menu is pretty standard for events like that. Don’t worry about it.

Not use. Especially if one person is paying for it. As long as there an option for vegartians or vegans or allergies etc (assuming you have any people with these requirements).

I don't see an issue at all and it's fairly normal.

Perfectly acceptable. If someone else is paying for your meal, you graciously accept what is offered! As long as any special dietary requirements are catered for, of course!

I think it is pretty standard. A slight variation might be to have a set starter and dessert but a choice of two or main.

Absolutely fine

It seems odd to do at that at a restaurant when it’s not necessary or any inconvenience to you to provide different meals.

Thankyou all. I feel better about it.

It is a pretty extensive menu so I think everyone should be able to find something that they like.

I asked a friend and she thought it was a bit mean but it's more for ease of ordering than anything and also allowing people to feel comfortable ordering without worrying too much about prices.

Speak to the restaurant if you are the payee, ask them to only provide the set menu to the guests. If they don’t see the whole menu they will be perfectly happy with what they get. A bit like when restaurants offer reduced lunch menus. I have hosted and paid for family meals like this before now and made sure everyone knew the score beforehand (especially the three who are prone to order the huge steaks then take half home for their flipping dog) . In most places they make a lot of money from the drinks not the set menu, but not much you can do about that!

Much the same as if you invited them to your house and cooked, I'm guessing you don't offer them a selection of alternative meals.

As long as there's 3 options per course , I think it's perfectly acceptable

As long as there's 3 options per course , I think it's perfectly acceptable

There's lots of options for starter and main, only 4 for dessert but I think that should satisfy everyone. There are no dietary requirements which helps.

Absolutely fine. If anybody is especially fussy & wants to order a la carte they can pay for theirs.

Going against the grain here but it’s not your choice. You are neither the family member paying or the restaurant. If that’s what the restaurant offers for x+ members or your family member wants to rein in costs then fair enough, but that’s between then and the restaurant- not you.

Family member(My Mother) asked me for my opinion, hence the thread.

It's a paid for meal, I certainly wouldn't be moaning

@SoLongAsTheresCheese

As long as there's 3 options per course , I think it's perfectly acceptable

There's lots of options for starter and main, only 4 for dessert but I think that should satisfy everyone. There are no dietary requirements which helps.

I am a bit confused, I thought you were asking if it was ok to serve a set menu.

It's standard too for my works Xmas dinner I've ever gone to. Sounds lovely to me OP can I come

It is a set menu. Well I'd call it one as it's different to the A la carte menu. The restaurant call it The Daytime Menu.

I'd prefer it to be honest. I'm always conscious of not ordering anything pricey if someone else is paying. I'd pick what I'd like from a set menu and be comfortable I haven't added too much to the bill

A smaller menu is that a better term than set menu?

@SoLongAsTheresCheese

Family member(My Mother) asked me for my opinion, hence the thread.

That’s fair enough then. If that’s how your mother feels then that’s reasonable to do. It would be shitty if most people are ordering pasta but a few go for fillet steak as it’s there and free. Maybe she should send the menu and ask if anyone has any other dietary requirements she can check with the restaurant check the menu herself and find something suitable.