AIBU? Is it rude to only offer guests a set menu?

[SoLongAsTheresCheese]

We're planning on organising a smallish family gathering(within guidelines) as we still haven't met a cousin's almost two year old and haven't seen other family members for some time.

A family member is paying for everyone. It'll be in a local Italian which has very nice food. I suggested they offer the set menu which is quite extensive. But very reasonably priced. But they're concerned that it's rude.

Is it really so rude to offer a set menu and not offer guests the full a la carte experience?

It is pretty standard here and some restaurants like it for groups as it is easier on the kitchen on timing etc.

I'm organising it and she's paying.

It's sensible, really, as it means that everyone is more likely to be served at once, with no need for food or people to wait.

OP has already said there's no dietary requirements.

Absolutely fine. Ask the restaurant to only have the set menus on show. Maybe send it out before hand so people can have a look and say "we're choosing from this menu". In case there's someone who has a Google and finds the fancy one online. The restaurant might like knowing in advance what you're wanting too if there are lots of you so that will avoid any last minute people attempting to switch when they see someone on the next table eating lobster etc.

Totally fine and if a meals being paid for you then you have to accept the limitations. No one goes to a wedding expecting more than chicken/beef/veggie because they know they aren’t paying for it 🤷🏻‍♀️

No problem at all, the set menu is perfect for this kind of thing and it means people don't have to worry about whether to order starters/desserts.

@SoLongAsTheresCheese

A smaller menu is that a better term than set menu?

Don’t worry, you were absolutely correct to call it a set menu. Set price - and usually a smaller number of options than the a la carte.

Sounds lovely to me op, and a perfectly normal thing to do. It’s really nice of your mum to treat everyone and I’m sure will be appreciated.

I think there are some posters who dont understand what a set menu is in a restaurant.

It's those menus which say "3 courses for £15/£20" but you need to choose from a specific menu, so you get a more limited choice of starter, main, dessert but it is much easier for the person paying as they know it'll be £15 per person for the food. If you just give everyone the full menu, they might order the most expensive from each course and one person could cost you £50.

Don’t see an issue with set menu only. Some restaurants I’ve seen ask large groups to order from the set menu for ease of catering, and as the meal is being paid for by your mum, it’s a lovely treat which should be accepted with grace.

Perfectly acceptable. People can accept the hospitality or turn down the invitation. I’m sure most will be very happy. It’s incredibly rude to suggest your host hasn’t been generous enough, not the other way around.
You don’t offer five choices for a dinner party, would you?

Not a problem at all. Many restaurants insist that you have the set menu if you are a party over a certain size.

@BlueSurfer

It's not odd at all. It keeps the price down, and her mum will know how much per person the food will cost. If you give everyone the full menu and a bunch order the expensive items then you're looking at a much bigger bill than if you stick to the "3 courses for £15/30". They still get a choice of dishes, but smaller. When someone is paying for a meal for the whole family, it would be really odd to complain that you're asked to choose from the set menu.

Perfectly reasonable, always ordered from the set menu (Table d'Hote) at similar occasions rather than the A la Carte.

Totally fine. The only thing I’d say is check there is something on it that a two year old will eat.

No it’s not rude at all.

Of course it is not rude.
It is eminently sensible.
I would do what viques said and ask the restaurant to only offer those choices on the menu the guests see.
As a pp said, I expect the restaurant would find it preferable when catering for a large group anyway.

I thought this was going to be a hosting a meal such as at a wedding, and not offering a choice. I'd have still said YANBU, and indeed very sensible

It’s absolutely fine. I often organise work meals and most restaurants request we use a set menu above. certain amount of people anyway, it just helps them with there ordering.

Especially as it sounds like quite an extensive menu. Even more so fine.

It's not odd at all. It keeps the price down, and her mum will know how much per person the food will cost. If you give everyone the full menu and a bunch order the expensive items then you're looking at a much bigger bill than if you stick to the "3 courses for £15/30

Thank you. My Mother doesn't care what they order but I think this keeps the price to a comparatively reasonable amount as even with the set menu, it'll still add up. Plus I want to make ordering simpler. I was starting to lose the will to live at the last family gathering, because some took so long to order. I mean an excessive amount of time so hopefully this will make it a little simpler, though as mentioned it's still a pretty extensive menu.

Good point about the two year old. I just checked and they have a kids menu plus there's food on the set menu she might like too.

Send the set menus in advance and ask for pre orders due to the party size - then on the day no one needs to see the restaurants a ka carte menu

If the restuarant refer to it as their 'daytime menu' you can also refer to it as such, or set menu is fine.

Most people going for a larger group meal will be eating from a set menu - it is very usual. Restaurants expect groups to use this and sometimes draw up a special one for an occasion.

I would ask the restaurant to just put the set menu on the table, when you book and the day before when you confirm. Keeping things simple is a good idea and avoids confusion.

You

I agree with you, there will still be choices with a set menu at an Italian restaurant. It certainly isn't rude.

I hope you all have a good time.

I would have thought most 2 year olds could manage pasta/pizza.

YANBU at all.

Yes, sending menu in advance is a possibility. You might or might not want to do that. Some restaurants insist for large groups.

Another thing to consider is pre-ordering wine for the table. You could start with just one bottle of red and white and see what gets drunk and can then order more as needed on the day. People hosting a large meal often do this as it sets a starting wine (and price) and often when more is needed, extras of the same wine will be asked for.

Of course if it's actually a small group and money is no object at all, you could leave it all as a free for all. However, most people hosting for a largish group prefer some sense of how much the food at least might cost. This isn't about meanness at all, and if it's a nice restaurant and people are being taken out, who is going to feel aggrieved about what is offered anyway....it's a lovely treat.

I have been to a variety of these kind of things. Nearly always it's been a set menu, sometimes with just a couple of choices per course, which his fine. Sometimes there has been wine and any alternative drinks were bought by guests and once or twice, all drinks were paid for by guests. All varieties are lovely....it's so nice to be included and to be taken out.

Not rude as such and I'm sure if someone really wanted a particular thing then the restaurant would do it and the person could pay a few quid extra for it.