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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say something?

133 replies

Sexnotgender · 17/07/2021 15:33

Walking with my dogs and children and saw a dad and I assume older sibling swinging 3/4 year old by her arms.

I mentioned in passing that it’s advised not to swing young children by their arms until at least 7 as there’s a risk of dislocation of elbows.

I try not to interfere with other people’s parenting generally but I would have hated them to accidentally hurt her.

Should I just have left them to it?

OP posts:
WingingItSince1973 · 17/07/2021 19:19

I am a mum of 3 and a nan of 1 and I've never ever heard of that. All my kids and all of the kids I've ever known have been swung like this from a young age. No one has ever had their bones dislocated. Plus they get heavier when they are over 7. I would have been extremely puzzled if you said that to me as its an enjoyable childhood pastime and as long as the child is enjoying it it's none of your business. My kids begged me to do it .

cariadlet · 17/07/2021 19:25

YNBU

Dp and I did this a lot to dd when she was small and she loved it. I only found out years later how dangerous it is and felt very relieved that we hadn't injured her.

cariadlet · 17/07/2021 19:30

kidshealth.org/en/parents/nursemaid.html

Darkchocolateandcoffee · 17/07/2021 19:39

Nothing to do with you

Italiangreyhound · 17/07/2021 20:52

Offering advice is not really interveining. I'm glad some people are still willing to be interested in other people's safety. What a sad world if no one ever offered advice or common sense.

So many people are not willing to

lifeturnsonadime · 17/07/2021 21:18

My eldest dislocated his elbow by being swung by his arms.I flinch every time I see a child being swung.

If I see someone I know swinging their child in this way I tell them what happened to my son. I tend to ignore it when I see strangers doing it.

Babycarrottt · 18/07/2021 00:20

I don't think you did anything wrong. This happened to my brother when he was a toddler, poor thing was in so much pain. I don't get the "I know how to parent my child" comments. If you're doing something that is known to cause injury to a child then maybe someone should step in.

Macncheeseballs · 18/07/2021 00:41

If I was to offer 'advice' every time I saw something dangerous, I'd never get home

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/07/2021 00:50

I spent many hours in the emergency room as a child from this very thing. My siblings thought it was a great trick to dislocate my elbows by swinging me. It lasted until I was five, if I remember correctly.

It was agony I've never forgotten.

Itsmeagainandagain · 18/07/2021 00:59

Id have replied to you if it was safe you walking those dogs with the size of your big poke nose?

Rachie1973 · 18/07/2021 01:05

It’s generally more a risk of nurse maids elbow, rather than dislocation.

My granddaughter loves it.

I’d have told you to walk on.

Purpleberet · 18/07/2021 01:12

Two of my friends kids have had dislocations from this. I was totally ignorant to it before. But I probably wouldn't comment to a stranger, you never know how it will be received despite your best intentions 🤷‍♀️

PinniGig · 18/07/2021 01:44

Overall I think the issue is more with the OP's decision to waltz on over and quite possibly piss all over the poor man's chips when he was just trying to have a nice time out and about with his kids. The risk of injury may or may not be there but it's not enough to give totally unsolicited, unnecessary and unwanted advice making a total stranger feel he's done something wrong.

I can't imagine this was entirely out of the goodness of heart and intended to be helpful and friendly. Even if it were, it's still not OK giving advice and unleashing words of wisdom without it being asked.

I don't care for a lot of things other parents do and some stuff makes me twitch and feel Yeeeeeesssh but if I do think it needs tackling in a roundabout subtle sort of way, I find a way to get around it in a more general conversation. All that needs to be said has been said so I'm signing off but I actually feel for this bloke and hope it didn't weigh on his mind or ruin his day.

The same injury happens more on actual playgrounds than anywhere else. Dangling from monkey bars, slipping on the steps up to a slide and a child's arm being yanked quite hard can do it easily.

Just tumbling over their own feet whilst running is a bigger risk. Learning to ride a bike is notoriously dangerous and so many children just end up catching fire Wink

Motherofking · 18/07/2021 01:48

im confused by this post. You interfered and got a positive response from the dad and it all went well. So why are you asking people whether you did the right thing ? are you really looking for praise that badly

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/07/2021 01:50

Fuck me it's a wonder my kids arms are still attached to their bodies then. Swinging is a daily staple of our lives and has been since about age 1. They do that adorable laughing so hard they nearly explode and it's the best sound in the world.

I'd probably laugh hard in the face of someone who came up to me and said "swinging isn't advised under the age of 7" because I'd genuinely assume they were taking the piss

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/07/2021 01:52

@Comeondoit

Humouring the crazy person no doubt
Yep.

He most definitely went home and laughed with his wife about this.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/07/2021 01:57

@ivfgottwins

And how many children have actually had their elbows dislocated 🤔 because I've seen parents doing that to children under 7 for decades?!🤷‍♀️
Former A&E nurse here.

I cannot recall any dislocated elbows due to swinging.

Now trampoline injuries were ten a penny - I won't get a trampoline for my kids because of it but I certainly don't lecture people who do have trampolines, because freedom of choice and all that.

TooBigForMyBoots · 18/07/2021 01:58

All the 7yos I know are far too big to be swung by the arms. FFS DS2 is only 3 and he's nearly too big.Confused

TooBigForMyBoots · 18/07/2021 01:59

YABU OP.

cariadlet · 18/07/2021 04:50

@Rachie1973

It’s generally more a risk of nurse maids elbow, rather than dislocation.

My granddaughter loves it.

I’d have told you to walk on.

Nursemaid's elbow (radial head subluxation) IS partial dislocation and often very painful.

I used to swing my dd when she was small and she loved it. Knowing then what I know now, I wouldn't have done it because of the risk of injury.

Cloudninenine · 18/07/2021 06:40

I would probably have thanked you politely while rolling my eyes and telling you to fuck off in my head. But it would probably also have stopped me from doing the dangerous thing, so I reckon you’d come out on top overall Grin

Youdiditanyway · 18/07/2021 06:44

Honestly never heard of this. Used to love being swung around as a child and have enjoyed hearing my own DC squeal with delight as toddlers at it too. Never experienced any dislocations personally…

girlmom21 · 18/07/2021 06:50

I don't think it's advised to not do it until they're 7... why would you think it's suddenly ok at 7? Confused

Gooriddance · 18/07/2021 07:08

No, I wouldn’t have said anything!
And I was that child who had my elbow dislocated while being swung around.
No long harm damage though! I was young enough that I do not remember the pain or going to hospital to have it popped back in.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 18/07/2021 08:49

@acolderwar

For someone with a thread which relates to offering your opinion out to others, you sure are defensive about receiving the people's opinions (and at least their opinions were asked for)
Really? Pretty sure I posted after around a dozen responses saying I’d clearly made a mistake and wouldn’t do it again. Perhaps you missed that post?
OP posts:
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