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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say something?

133 replies

Sexnotgender · 17/07/2021 15:33

Walking with my dogs and children and saw a dad and I assume older sibling swinging 3/4 year old by her arms.

I mentioned in passing that it’s advised not to swing young children by their arms until at least 7 as there’s a risk of dislocation of elbows.

I try not to interfere with other people’s parenting generally but I would have hated them to accidentally hurt her.

Should I just have left them to it?

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 17/07/2021 16:57

I sympathise OP. Elbow dislocation occurs ridiculously easily in young children and is very very painful. It happened to a little boy in my family, whose parents didn't know about it (not many do). They wished they had known. I always wince when I see parents doing this now. And yes, I want to say something, but don't because I worry about how the 'interference' will be perceived. And rightfully so, according to this thread. I think you were brave actually.

TowandaForever · 17/07/2021 17:06

Funny how when people see abuse and don't report it they get totally called on it but potentially hurting a child and the op should have said nothing?!

Quackajack · 17/07/2021 17:10

I had my shoulder dislocated many times as a child due to this and similar things but I think I had a predisposition for it. Saying that I still wouldn't comment on anyone else doing it and I also swing my daughter at her request.

PinniGig · 17/07/2021 17:11

@Jjjayfee

Well I am grateful for your post. I did this with my toddler granddaughter in the park recently but won't do it again and I will tell her parents when I see them. I had no idea it was a bad thing to do so thanks
Your granddaughter is at greater risk just being at the park than she is having the old 1-2-3 swing.
Flibbitygibbit · 17/07/2021 17:13

Did he tell you not to walk your dogs in this heat ?

Badgercity · 17/07/2021 17:22

I think you need to look at the worst case scenario and decide how vital it is you intervene on people’s parenting.

Worst thing that could happen is a dislocated arm, which would be painful but no ones going to die are they?

There is probably equal risk of a child falling and breaking a wrist at a park. Or what about parents that take small children skiing or rock climbing? Paddling in the sea can be very risky, in Cornwall they have a weaver fish problem that apparently causes extreme pain for days.

Life is risky and you can’t go about informing every person of every risk they are taking.

Undersnatch · 17/07/2021 17:24

I don’t think this is something so dangerous that it would be appropriate to comment on. And that’s the point - parents should be free to make their own risk assessments without feeling judged, bar abusive situations. We tend to be less risk averse than many about letting kids climb and explore and it amazes me how many people feel that whatever their belief on what is ok is correct and we need told. DH gets it more than me tbf, he often finds women in the park feeling free to tell him off.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 17/07/2021 17:27

@Flibbitygibbit

Did he tell you not to walk your dogs in this heat ?
Did you not read the thread? It was 16 degrees when I walked them.
OP posts:
Flibbitygibbit · 17/07/2021 17:34

Good. It’s like a bloody sauna.

Mooloolabababy · 17/07/2021 17:48

This happened to dh when he was little and ds's grandad was swinging him in a similar way and dislocated his elbow. I always cringe when I see adults doing this to children but I'd never say anything. You just don't know what sort of response you'd get.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 17/07/2021 18:05

But rude op. I'd have thanked you while thinking fuck off

Moooooooooooooooooo · 17/07/2021 18:06

It would be a fuck off from me too.

WeHaveComeSoFar · 17/07/2021 18:07

@Nicknacky

I would have told you to fuck off if you had interfered like that.

Do you chap peoples doors and warn them of the dangers of drowning in the bath or falling down stairs?

So would I.
Fattyfattyfatty · 17/07/2021 18:10

Are you this much of a busy body in real life?

Fattyfattyfatty · 17/07/2021 18:10

@Moooooooooooooooooo

It would be a fuck off from me too.
😂
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 17/07/2021 18:17

@vodkaredbullgirl

When mine were young, we would hang them upside down swing them by their legs. Also throw them up in the air as toddlers.
My DH once threw our DS up in the air as a toddler... while standing in a doorway. 😬 We could have used you in the house that day OP, where were you? Grin
RolloTomassi · 17/07/2021 18:42

@DeflatedGinDrinker

But rude op. I'd have thanked you while thinking fuck off

Same!

GenderIsFigurativelyBollocks · 17/07/2021 18:55

DH and I used to roll DCs (one at a time!) up in a blanket, take an end each and swing it from side to side really quickly (like a hammock but obviously much faster and higher).

One of my neighbours once popped up over the garden fence to say "that's dangerous as you could drop them" Hmm I said "if you distract me like that I'm more likely to drop them and then it'll be your fault too" I said it in a lighthearted way and smiled but inside I was thinking oh fuck off. If it had been a stranger saying to to me I think I would have said fuck off.

No DCs were harmed in the making of The Hammock Game. In fact DS1 offered to do it for me the other day now he is about 8 foot taller than me Smile

I don't want to jinx anything but the only A and E trips we have had as a big family have been for me Blush

GenderIsFigurativelyBollocks · 17/07/2021 19:01

Also if it was a few days ago and the parent thanked you, surely it's just a non event by now? What made you doubt your reasonableness (is that a word?) now to a point you wanted to ask MN days later?

(Not a snarky question I really just wondered if something had prompted it)

acolderwar · 17/07/2021 19:02

For someone with a thread which relates to offering your opinion out to others, you sure are defensive about receiving the people's opinions (and at least their opinions were asked for)

PinniGig · 17/07/2021 19:04

@GenderIsFigurativelyBollocks

DH and I used to roll DCs (one at a time!) up in a blanket, take an end each and swing it from side to side really quickly (like a hammock but obviously much faster and higher).

One of my neighbours once popped up over the garden fence to say "that's dangerous as you could drop them" Hmm I said "if you distract me like that I'm more likely to drop them and then it'll be your fault too" I said it in a lighthearted way and smiled but inside I was thinking oh fuck off. If it had been a stranger saying to to me I think I would have said fuck off.

No DCs were harmed in the making of The Hammock Game. In fact DS1 offered to do it for me the other day now he is about 8 foot taller than me Smile

I don't want to jinx anything but the only A and E trips we have had as a big family have been for me Blush

The "Leg and a wing" swing I remember that!
Comeondoit · 17/07/2021 19:07

@GenderIsFigurativelyBollocks

Also if it was a few days ago and the parent thanked you, surely it's just a non event by now? What made you doubt your reasonableness (is that a word?) now to a point you wanted to ask MN days later?

(Not a snarky question I really just wondered if something had prompted it)

I suspect this happened more recently but OP has quite rightly been berated for taking her dogs out in this weather and wanted to pretend they hadn't.

I could be wrong mind

toastantea · 17/07/2021 19:11

If the comment was well received why are you now asking if it was appropriate?

danni0509 · 17/07/2021 19:13

I’m having a laugh at some of these batshit posts tonight.

stellaisabella · 17/07/2021 19:13

Something really dangerous 😂😂😂
Bloody hell. Biscuit