Do Not Give Me Flowers or Chocolates

[itsnotmeitsu]

Am I being AIBU when this happens and I think, not again? Flowers I have to arrange in a vase, and takes time, and chocolate - just not a big fan. It's worse when the flowers are sympathy for something horrible, because I feel obliged to deal with them whilst grieving.

I'd far rather have a brief note sent to me referencing what's happened and showing empathy.

@PiccilliChilli > "Now if you go onto Betty's website, I'll be more grateful..." If you're talking about North Yorkshire's Betty's, yes they're in a league of their own .

@ImbarbaraB

I feel the same

I’d rather someone buys a plant if it has to be something floral so I don’t have to watch it die in front of me too

I prefer flowers over plants because plants are an obligation.

@HappydaysArehere

Flowers are a sign of a good intention whether you love them or not; chocs are similar. Can’t you just be grateful that someone has taken the time and expense to think of you. So what do you do when you want to show that you are thinking of someone?

I write them a personal letter. But maybe I'm just getting too old.

Not a fan of cut flowers myself, they seem such a waste, they're dying already.

I'm always grateful when I receive them but, as I'm arranging them, I know that they're only going to last a few days.
It almost seems cruel to cut them down in their prime when they would have lasted so much longer on the plant.
It's one of the reasons I hate seeing sunflowers as cut flowers. They should be left for the birds.
As soon as they're cut the die very quickly.
So sad.

@Travielkapelka

Until this thread I never heard of people hating flowers. A real eye opener.

For God's sake, I do not hate flowers. I have loads of them in my garden, and I can't understand why some posters are saying on here this is a thread about 'hating flowers'. My original post was about the lack of originality, and impersonality, of giving flowers and/or chocolates as a 'gift'.

@SmilyClare > Sorry, just seen your post. And I really do appreciate it, thank you - particularly as your poster name shares a name with my sister. That's the sort of thing that makes a difference x

@SmileyClare > reposting because I got your poster name wrong, and wanted you to see my message.

@itsnotmeitsu just to make sure, I wasn't facepalming at you but at the poster suggesting someone buys a vase😳
Omg the heatwave is killing me. But some plants absolutely love it. Not my tree though. Poor thing. Enjoy the garden. Sounds great!

Those who are saying, 'It's the thought that counts' > Exactly. I think I know the senders enough to be able to decipher the 'thought' that's been put into the flowers and/or the chocolates. If it's my husband's company, who've never met me, sending me flowers because they know I've had a bereavement - you're lovely people. If you're family or friend, all I want is a personal note acknowledging what's happened in a personal way.

This. Every gift is not thoughtful just because someone gave someone something. If I gave someone flowers knowing they were allergic, that wouldn’t be thoughtful or someone I know doesn’t drink or like alcohol, a bottle of wine, not thoughtful.

It's just a way for people to show they care OP

But on occasions to receive flowers, one tends to run out if vases

[quote ImbarbaraB]@CaptainMyCaptain that’s not exactly true though

Buy a £30-40 bunch of flowers, they last a week, 2 weeks tops.

Buy a £20 rose plant and it goes in the ground and grows for years, it produces enough blooms that you can cut those abs bring them inside throughout the summer.
A plant is a living thing that will continue to love and generate flowers for a vase if that’s what people like[/quote]
Or, buy me flowers and I will enjoy them while they last, understanding that happiness is always transitory and everything changes.

Or give me a rose plant that then gives me the work of planting it, tending it, messing with it, only to watch it die because I'm shit at gardening and then I feel guilty for months and have to have you look at me like an idiot when you ask me where the fecking rose bush is.

Spot on @Claralara42

Well I disagree

One rose plant really doesn’t require much tending
Especially if you’ve already got a garden with plants in you already take care of

I imagine lots of people now like those modern plastic lawned gardens with no maintenance required though

Each to their own, and that’s not for me at all

@ImbarbaraB

Well I disagree

One rose plant really doesn’t require much tending
Especially if you’ve already got a garden with plants in you already take care of

I imagine lots of people now like those modern plastic lawned gardens with no maintenance required though

Each to their own, and that’s not for me at all

There’s no room for more roses in my garden. The beds are full. A lovely hand tied bouquet on the other hand ...

I imagine lots of people now like those modern plastic lawned gardens with no maintenance required though

Next door neighbour spent well over an hour vacuuming and faffing about with his plastic lawn on Sunday morning. They look like hard work.

I am happy to have any gift. It is just nice for people to remember you exist.

@EarringsandLipstick

YANBU to have preferences, of course

YABabitU to not see beyond the actual flowers / chocolates to the fact that someone cares & has thought of you.

Personally, l love both but more so, that someone cared enough to make that effort.

Regarding 'grief flowers' I think that's quite mean. I don't send flowers myself in that situation but really, how hard is it to take flowers & put them in a vase? No arranging is needed. I would personally be appreciative & love to have them to look at, especially when sad, but like a PP, I love cut flowers.

I suppose it depends. If you like cut flowers, you probably have spare vases. I don't like cut flowers and do not own a vase.

In a time of grief, the last thing I want to have to do is try to borrow vases or buy them.

@brusselsprouting

I completely agree r.e. Flowers. After a close relative died I had over 40 bouquets delivered in less than a week. I felt so guilty people had spent money on something, that I had stacked in buckets for washing the car. It was hours worth of work to sort them all and I can honestly say I didn’t appreciate any of them. I find it very ironic that you buy someone grieving something also destined for you to watch die. I won’t ever buy flowers when someone is grieving again, not in the first month anyway. I love flowers for happy occasions though!

@brusselsprouting having gone through this recently while my mother was in hospital with a horrible diagnosis I completely understand where you are coming from. I adore flowers but we got at least 20 bunches to her house in a few days and while I was so so touched that people thought of her, it was just a bit much to deal with at that point. I now realise it can be nicer to send an alternative gift like a plant or someone dropped in some cake and food which was really welcome. Just a card even would have been more than enough.

@Melroses

I imagine lots of people now like those modern plastic lawned gardens with no maintenance required though

Next door neighbour spent well over an hour vacuuming and faffing about with his plastic lawn on Sunday morning. They look like hard work.

I fucking hate cards and flowers when grieving. Oh what a lovely reminder someone i love is dead...right when id managed to forget for a blissful 2 seconds.

A dying relative was gifted a plant and she hated it. Hated it. Like a reminder of "you are dying".

I disagree woth some posters. Your feeling that your "thought" should be considered kind is not more important than someone who is suffering a bereavements feelings.

A card is plenty and can be put in a drawer.

@ImbarbaraB

Well I disagree

One rose plant really doesn’t require much tending
Especially if you’ve already got a garden with plants in you already take care of

I imagine lots of people now like those modern plastic lawned gardens with no maintenance required though

Each to their own, and that’s not for me at all

Or perhaps, like me, their gardens are already full of roses and other things and there isn't enough space for anything else.

Someone mentioned that it's not hard to deal with a bunch of flowers - 'you just stick them in a vase'. But actually, you don't. So that they survive as long as possible you have to place them in water for a while, then cut off 2cms of the stems diagonally. Then you have to remove everything from the stems that's going to be below the waterline before you put them in fresh water, or it will taint the water as it rots. And then you can 'just stick them in a vase'. And the two bouquets people sent were already well on their way out, due to being delivered and left outside in hot sun whilst I as at the hospital saying goodbye to someone who wasn't able to respond.

I realise I'm going too deep into this, but although I didn't want to respond to the poster who wrote, 'beware of what you wish for' because I'll end up a lonely person with nobody in my life, how is what you wrote so much nicer than me saying I don't like gifts of flowers and chocolate? As it happens, although I would have happily thrown the dead flowers in the bin I didn't, because people who've never met me were thoughtful enough to think about me, and the other one was from my son and his partner. He's in his thirties and it's never crossed his mind 'til then to send me flowers (why change the habits of a lifetime now, you twit). Saying that, it was probably his lovely girlfriend who arranged it; he's not the practical type. So I looked at the dead flowers for about three days, and then threw them in the bin (and still felt guilty). Thanks to those on here who've been understanding. I still find it hard to grasp that I'm never going to see my twin again, as I see her every time I look in the mirror.

I can't stick flowers in a vase, I don't have one. I have a half pint glass which does fine for when I buy the occasional bunch of daffodils in early spring .