Do Not Give Me Flowers or Chocolates

[itsnotmeitsu]

Am I being AIBU when this happens and I think, not again? Flowers I have to arrange in a vase, and takes time, and chocolate - just not a big fan. It's worse when the flowers are sympathy for something horrible, because I feel obliged to deal with them whilst grieving.

I'd far rather have a brief note sent to me referencing what's happened and showing empathy.

Just be grateful some has taken the time to get you anything

Give me books and cake, preferably carrot cake because I'm the only one in the house who likes it!

@SpongeBarb

I don't understand people who say they don't want to watch the flowers die either. They must get really stressed out by the seasons.

I feel guilty when someone had spent £30+ and I fail to be able to arrange them nicely nor have the ability to re-do it all every day or so to keep them going and then have to Chuck as dead. It's just a lot of effort that I didn't really ask for.

I completely agree r.e. Flowers. After a close relative died I had over 40 bouquets delivered in less than a week. I felt so guilty people had spent money on something, that I had stacked in buckets for washing the car. It was hours worth of work to sort them all and I can honestly say I didn’t appreciate any of them. I find it very ironic that you buy someone grieving something also destined for you to watch die. I won’t ever buy flowers when someone is grieving again, not in the first month anyway.
I love flowers for happy occasions though!

I feel the same about flowers - such a waste of time. Yes they look pretty but they're waste of money.

Chocolates we just share as a family - no compulsion to eat in one go.

I don't send flowers for new babies - there is a website called babies book baskets - much better idea in my opinion.

Wine is always acceptable as long as it's not Spanish red.

Spain produces loads of different types of red wines from a range of different grape varieties. To write off all Spanish red wine is a bit

hilarious thread .... 😂🤣

You sure do love your hysterical laughing emojis don’t you, QueenBee?

@LimeRedBanana

You sure do love your hysterical laughing emojis don’t you, QueenBee?

oh yes 🤣😂

I love opening the door to be handed a bouquet. It’s a really special moment. Chocolates I can take or leave, genuinely not bothered.

Flowers and chocolates are both lovely gifts that if carefully selected show love and care. If depends on the spirit in which they are given but a gift is a gift and you should be grateful for the gesture, if not send them to me please!

My mum is allergic to a lot of cut flowers and I also don’t like them often as I feel it’s a bit of a waste. To the point where DH and I had very few arrangements at our wedding and had potted plants on the table at the reception.

Op I understand you're grieving and perhaps feel overwhelmed by the amount of flowers you've received in a short time? It's ok in those circumstances to have a little moan.

However, posters complaining that a bunch of flowers is "too much effort" just sound lazy and a bit bratty.

How dramatic to claim you have to watch them die! just stick in a vase, enjoy for a week and throw away when they start looking a bit past their best.

However, posters complaining that a bunch of flowers is "too much effort" just sound lazy and a bit bratty
It's not too much effort in that it is overwhelming. But it is a task that I would never undertake willingly so I do slightly resent it being foisted on me by being given flowers. I don't own a vase so have to find some suitable receptacle, opening up the paper/cellophane etc makes a mess. Throwing them out after a week involves dealing with slimy water with bits of dead leaves in it.

Not a huge task, but an irritating one with no, to me, discernible benefit as flowers in a vase aren't anything that gives me any pleasure.

To those who are saying I'm ungrateful, and not a nice person, as in the person who said I should 'tell friends and family my preferences' > I have no family now; I lost the last one in May, who happened to be my twin sister. I do appreciate that someone has sent this stuff; I just don't think it takes much thought. The bunches of flowers that were delivered to my house on the day of my sister's funeral were left outside in the sun whilst we were away at the funeral. Even taking them in on the same day they were already showing signs of dying.

I think someone mentioned on this thread that they'd picked flowers from their own garden for somebody who'd died (sorry, I can't remember who). That's just what I did for my sister - Iris' and Catmint, to put on her casket.

I don't own a vase so have to find some suitable receptacle

Maybe you could buy one?

@Blossomtoes

I don't own a vase so have to find some suitable receptacle

Maybe you could buy one?

Why? I don't buy flowers for myself and I don't want to receive them so why would I spend money on something I don't want to have a use for?!

Because the people who send you flowers haven’t got the memo @DappledThings.

@Blossomtoes

Because the people who send you flowers haven’t got the memo *@DappledThings*.

Ha! I think they may have done. I've managed to not receive any for over a year now. I might be in the clear

People are just trying to show that they're thinking if you. If you don't want the gifts just accept the sentiment and then throw the flowers/chocolates
away

I'm sorry about your sister Op. It's understandable that you associate flowers with times of horrible grief.

I hope you won't mind these no work required and won't wilt. I agree flowers are often a "safe" present but they have an almost universally accepted kind thoughtful message behind them.

Too many Rom Coms featuring shite men rocking up with flowers/chocolate purchased from 24 hour garages because of forgotten birthday/ anniversary or guilty conscious over affairs - association maybe 🤷‍♀️.

Flowers can go straight into the garden waste bin. They’ll end up there anyway, so it’s not actually wasteful in your part.

If you don’t want choc, you can put that in one of the food bank collection bin/basket things they have in big supermarkets. Both my Tesco and my Waitrose have them really near the front door.

Yanbu.
My mum is the same. I am with you both.
Still understanding why people give them, but doesn't mean we have to all love it. Some posters here are unnecessarily rude though!
Sorry about your loss.

And don't buy a vase. Seriously 🤦

Those who are saying, 'It's the thought that counts' > Exactly. I think I know the senders enough to be able to decipher the 'thought' that's been put into the flowers and/or the chocolates. If it's my husband's company, who've never met me, sending me flowers because they know I've had a bereavement - you're lovely people. If you're family or friend, all I want is a personal note acknowledging what's happened in a personal way. If you think I'm ungrateful, I am.

@SchrodingersImmigrant > Saw your message after I'd posted the above - Don't worry, I won't be buying a vase; I've got loads of them. My garden is overflowing with far too much plant-life and greenery at the moment. It's brilliant, but soon I'll need a scythe to access the outer peripheries. The heatwave won't do anything because it's all trees, shrubs and perennials. However, my tomatoes, Basil and Rocket are shouting out, "Mum, help us!" And I do .