Do Not Give Me Flowers or Chocolates

[itsnotmeitsu]

Am I being AIBU when this happens and I think, not again? Flowers I have to arrange in a vase, and takes time, and chocolate - just not a big fan. It's worse when the flowers are sympathy for something horrible, because I feel obliged to deal with them whilst grieving.

I'd far rather have a brief note sent to me referencing what's happened and showing empathy.

Flowers and chocolate are always welcome here!

I agree - I've just received a massive bouquet of absolutely beautiful flowers from a posh florist near us. Easily £100-worth. But now I'm going to watch that £100 steadily wither and die, which I find really depressing, and I'll have to change the stinky water and put new flower food in it, and then I'll have to cut them up to get them in the bin when they're finally dead . . . I'm so grateful for thought, but really, they're such a waste of money!

I am sorry that you are grieving. We all grieve differently and that’s ok and it’s ok to love having a house full of flowers and equally it’s fine to hate them.

The thing with flowers that they are the safe choice to send in such circumstances especially when you know the person involved and want to recognise their loss bit are not that close to know what they would like. However, I do agree that it is the accompanying sentiment which is important.

People aren’t mind-readers, so… 🤷🏻‍♀️

They’re just doing something to say they’re thinking of you at a sad time, so it seems kind of churlish to fixate on what they’ve done wrong, instead of appreciating the gesture. Because, again, they’re not mind-readers.

I don’t send flowers to close friends when they’re grieving, I send food that can be heated up easily because the days in the immediate aftermath of losing a loved one lend themselves to quick, easy food. And a few treats like a cake / chocolate / cheese and crackers / wine.

Ok, noted.

Well there isn't much point in telling to strangers online about it, tell your friends, family, colleagues, stick it on your sm status/story they can save the money, if you want to be nice allergens as the reason.

Well, I like flowers and chocolates.

I appreciate anything given to me...it's the fact they have thought about me which means the most to me.

Agree with you on the flowers. The chocolate I'll be happy to accept.

Fine. I'll display (flowers)/eat (chocs) them myself

I have a friend who knows I absolutely love daffodils…she regularly gets a bunch and leaves them on my doorstep…so kind and thoughtful 🌼

@ImbarbaraB

I feel the same

I’d rather someone buys a plant if it has to be something floral so I don’t have to watch it die in front of me too

If I get a plant I will inevitably watch it die in front of me. I'm a hopeless horticulturalist

Yip I hate getting flowers. I've had quite a few close bereavements in recent years and I associate receiving flowers with sad times. I hate seeing them deteriorate and die.

They're just a small, not too personal, gesture to say "I'm thinking of you, and here's a small treat to show someone cares". It's not about the gift, it's the message.

Nothing so tedious as people being nice and even bothering to give you flowers or chocolates OP, the damned cheek of it.

Is this a reverse? Or is your life perspective a bit skewed so that you are central to it? Don't worry, life plays a long game, and deals many hands so one day you might find no one gives you anything at all, including any mind; the latter depends on how nice you are now.

It's up to you OP.

Isn't it the thought that counts?

I like both of those things- box of lindt dessert creation or a bouquet of lilies & I'll help you bury a body.

I wouldn't give them as gifts to someone I knew didn't like them but I thought they were quite neutral presents on the whole .

I'd rather have the money .

Actually a bottle of something I can drink is more my thing.

Agree. Flowers make me sneeze and any lilies have to be chucked due to the cats. They then slowly die, but not all at the same rate. I now plonk them in dh's office as he likes them and I don't have to deal with them. He has finally stopped buying them when I started making him process them.

I love chocolate but I have a very specific (Aldi) chocolate obsession and anything else doesn't taste the same, plus have worked hard to lose lots of weight and need to carefully weigh up the cost benefits of each calorie.

Although romantic, the last thing you want with a baby hanging off one breast, trying to pop a potty under a toddler, listen to a reception child attempting to read Oh Floppy and stirring the supper is to chop the ends off and arrange some flowers while avoiding thorns.

Cut flowers make me sad. I just think... They were in their prime, ready to bloom, when whack, some knobhead came and chopped their feet off.

Choccy, I love, but my waistline could do without it. Send me a nice note. If I'm greiving, bring me a dinner. But not flowers.

I think it’s the thought that counts. To send flowers is £30-£40 for the basic bunch. That’s a pretty big ‘think of you’ gesture. I’d love flowers, chocolates, card, cupcakes or anything that demonstrated care.

I appreciate the gesture, but I wouldn't choose either if given the choice. Wine, on the other hand..

I don’t get given flowers or chocolates enough for this to be a problem. Chocolates can easily be given away or shared- someone will always like them . I suppose if you’re regularly receiving unwanted flowers, meaning people have wasted their money, it might be worth making your preferences known in some way.

Flowers are a waste of money and a waste of natural resources.

Send me a pot plant or something that will grow in the garden. Maybe some seeds.

As for chocolate, nah, I usually get sent the crap stuff. Now if you go onto Betty's website, I'll be more grateful...