Page 14 | To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

zaraaraz · 2021-07-15T21:57:34+00:00

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated. My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him. I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend. It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

Newmumatlast · 17/07/2021 07:04

I dont think anyone can be 100% sure. There are some people where I expect it is more likely than others. But I agree with PP that its about the circumstances and if the circumstances for that particular person are right, they can. To be fair, I think the same about capacity to kill. Its in everyone whether they like it or not but some people are way more likely than others due to their personality/dna/circumstances etc. However if the circumstances for a particular person are right, they can.

Some people will actively seek out cheating and just be like that. Others it can take depression, feeling mistreated, alcohol, a person who manipulates and makes them feel their partner is mistreating them, chemistry etc

Bonjourfern · 17/07/2021 07:09

100% sure. No one else would have him. He's fat (see obese), hairy, lazy, opinionated (slightly misogynistic at times), always has food spilled down his T-shirt. So yes 100% sure. But then again I suppose I'm here! 😆

paintedpanda · 17/07/2021 07:49

I'm 100% sure my DP hasn't cheated, but I'm only 80% sure that he wouldn't cheat in the future.
I was cheated on by exH. I thought 100% he wouldn't cheat or leave me and the kids but here we are, which is why I'm not 100% that my current DP would never cheat.

Tal45 · 17/07/2021 08:05

I know a few people who've had affairs while in long marriages with kids. One (female) was the last person you would think would have an affair so I would never say never.

Divebar2021 · 17/07/2021 08:07

Well I can think of several men and women at my work who have or are cheating. I wonder if their partners are in the 100% camp?

lynsey91 · 17/07/2021 08:34

@Newmumatlast

I dont think anyone can be 100% sure. There are some people where I expect it is more likely than others. But I agree with PP that its about the circumstances and if the circumstances for that particular person are right, they can. To be fair, I think the same about capacity to kill. Its in everyone whether they like it or not but some people are way more likely than others due to their personality/dna/circumstances etc. However if the circumstances for a particular person are right, they can.

Some people will actively seek out cheating and just be like that. Others it can take depression, feeling mistreated, alcohol, a person who manipulates and makes them feel their partner is mistreating them, chemistry etc

Rubbish, no circumstances would make me cheat. I think it is totally wrong and disgusting.

I love and respect my DH. Not only would I never hurt and disrespect him in that way I also have respect for myself and morals.

Not everyone would cheat

lazylinguist · 17/07/2021 08:36

I 100% believe dh has never cheated and am 99% sure he wouldn't. For a start, he is honest to a fault and would be unbelievably rubbish at hiding anything. I know very very few people I know to have cheated, and all of both my and dh's extended families have very solid marriages, no divorces, no known affairs etc, so the only eye-opener for me about how widespread infidelity is has been MN really.

U2HasTheEdge · 17/07/2021 09:27

Admitting to inability to see the future, human frailty and uncertainty is just human. You don't make yourselves stronger or more resilient by pretending you can see the future.

Absolutely! You see it on MN all the time. People who were in the 100% camp, completely floored when they find out they were wrong.

Do people who have 100% trust in the fact their partners will never cheat think they are better judges of character or something than the people who also thought like them and were then proved wrong? It is pretty arrogant really.

Life is uncertain and you have absolutely no control over what someone else does and you can never predict the future actions of someone else with 100% accuracy. You can pretend to yourself all you like, but it is still a fact that you do not know what the future holds.

Kitten189 · 17/07/2021 09:30

Stop trying to tell people they or their partners might cheat in the future. What’s the point of trying to upset people like that. We aren’t all selfish pricks.

Kitten189 · 17/07/2021 09:30

If anyone cheated on me they would be dead to me. It’s one of the lowest things you can do.

Petrarkanian · 17/07/2021 09:33

100% sure he never has or will cheat on me.
We lucked out when we met each other.

Kitten189 · 17/07/2021 09:34

Posters on here are projecting their own temptation to cheat onto other posters by saying well you or you partner may cheat one day who knows. Stop it.

MrsLion · 17/07/2021 09:37

I am 100% sure my dh hasn’t. We have had some very serious problems but despite being blindsided by other things, I am sure about the non cheating.

It’s rare but not all men cheat.

Member984815 · 17/07/2021 09:42

Yes I'm 100 % sure , but I can't see in to the future and nor would I want to .

U2HasTheEdge · 17/07/2021 09:46

@Kitten189

Stop trying to tell people they or their partners might cheat in the future. What’s the point of trying to upset people like that. We aren’t all selfish pricks.

It is a discussion board.

Of course not everyone will cheat and I don't think anyone has said otherwise, but some people disagree that it is impossible to see into the future and predict the actions of another human being.

Who knows what the years will bring, and if people are upset by that very basic truth then they can hide the thread.

U2HasTheEdge · 17/07/2021 09:49

Impossible= possible

TrixieThunder · 17/07/2021 09:53

I don’t think anyone is trying to upset posters and trust in your partner is the most important component for it to work, but I think it’s also healthy to realise humans are fallible and can do stupid things.

I trust my partner. I trust he has not cheated in our 14 years together and I will continue to put my trust in him but I’m 100% certain it will never happen is naive. I can instead say I fully believe he wouldn’t cheat but I can’t say I know, because I don’t. I can’t.

TrixieThunder · 17/07/2021 09:54

To say I’m 100% certain*

IcedPurple · 17/07/2021 09:58

@FuckUcuntychops

No I’m not 100% sure. You can never truly know someone no matter how close you are to them.

I agree with that.

I don't think anyone could be absolutely certain that their partner has never and would never cheat on them. By its very nature, cheating is secretive.

Anybody - male or female - has the potential to cheat.

Willyoujustbequiet · 17/07/2021 10:17

@MrsLion it's really not that rare. There are lots of men and women that don't cheat.

Mrstamborineman · 17/07/2021 10:22

I am sure as eggs is eggs he hasn’t.

Mrstamborineman · 17/07/2021 10:23

And neither have I. 23 years together.

thepeopleversuswork · 17/07/2021 10:25

@Kitten189

Stop trying to tell people they or their partners might cheat in the future. What’s the point of trying to upset people like that. We aren’t all selfish pricks.

It's not about trying to upset people. I'm sure in the majority of these 100 percenter cases the partners won't cheat.

It's about trying to get people to confront the fact that they can't ever control other people's behaviour and impose wishful thinking onto the future behaviour of another living individual.

Tons of people have come on here saying "he won't cheat because he's not like that" or "he's got too much integrity" or "he's been cheated on before and he knows its a dick move". Well, sorry, but these things aren't cast iron, empirical guarantees of future behaviour, they are subjective interpretations of a facet someone is choosing to present to you.

It's a bit like people saying "I know I'm never going to develop a serious disease because I pray to God not to let it happen" . Or sticking your fingers and saying "la la la if I can't hear it it can't be there." There's a big element of self-delusion here which isn't going to be helpful if, god forbid, he does cheat. It also slightly scares me the amount that's being invested in these relationships which - by definition - are uncertain.

Its much healthier simply to accept that you can't ever really control the behaviour of another person, that you trust them implicitly when they are trustworthy but that if the trust is ever broken you have the strength and self-believe you need in yourself to walk away.

jihhy · 17/07/2021 10:34

Posters on here are projecting their own temptation to cheat onto other posters by saying well you or you partner may cheat one day who knows. Stop it.

🤔
I've never cheated & don't think I've been cheated on. I trust DH & don't think about cheating but trust 100%? no.

Things change, people change, people make mistakes, shit happens.

If someone asked me in 2019 did I believe schools would close, we would have to lockdown etc in 2020 due to a virus I wouldn't have believed them.

VienneseWhirligig · 17/07/2021 10:37

I know mine didn't, he was destroyed by his ex's cheating and told me he had a one night stand with the wife of one of the men his ex cheated with once he knew about their affair, but it was awful and he hated himself. He would never have cheated on me. Not being naive, he genuinely was too honest. He would have left me first.