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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to announce pregnancy on my terms?

82 replies

doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:08

Very early stages of my pregnancy and came up in discussion of when we tell people.

Last pregnant you ended in miscarriage - I wanted to tell my parents and siblings that's it. DH disagreed so all of his family found out including uncles aunts etc. Then he told his friends. I told no one only immediate family.

DH has no siblings so thought it unfair that I'm telling more people than him if he only told immediate family as he has no siblings and therefore his aunts uncles are his immediate family.

Anyway fast forward I'm now pregnant again. He says it's all or nothing - in other words if I tell anyone he has the right to tell who he wants,

I've explained it MY body changing not his, and my mother and sister will be able to offer support in these early days as they've been through it so why again can't we just tell parents and my siblings. He says no and we either keep it secret or no picking and choosing who will tell.

I don't want anyone im not close to knowing again about the pregnancy failing but equally I want those close to me to be able to offer advice from an early stage.

AIBU to think he's being cheeky, insensitive and down right nasty about this?

OP posts:
Thehop · 15/07/2021 20:11

On the face of it he sounds like an arse. A very unkind, insensitive one.

Elune · 15/07/2021 20:13

He does know it's not a competition, right?

Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:13

@Thehop I know and it's getting me down. He can be a stubborn arse at times and I just needed others opinions to make sure I'm not going crazy as can't run by anyone IRL as only we know about the pregnancy!

OP posts:
Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:14

@Elune it's strange he sees it as in we have to equalise who we tell and it's very childish isn't it.

I mean, found out only yesterday and he said let's got out to celebrate and is drinking Prosecco etc, pissed would be an understatement

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 15/07/2021 20:15

He sounds like an entitled arsehole.

HeartShapedBox · 15/07/2021 20:16

He sounds like a selfish, petty arse. "Not fair you can tell more people than me", what a tool.

Congratulations and all the best for your pregnancy, OP

User5827372728 · 15/07/2021 20:17

I don’t get him wanting to tell the same amount of people; that’s odd.

But his close family should know when he wants them to, that’s not your choice

Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:17

@HeartShapedBox thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:18

@User5827372728 agree but that's the issue - he is extended close family to beyond his parents purely because he's an only child. I don't think that's fair it's not my fault he's an only child and I don't want probably another ten members of his family knowing - I can't deal with it right now I haven't got the headspace.

He is totally against telling his parents and asking them not to say anything. Which means he is against me telling mine

OP posts:
TonguePunchMyLugHolesBaby · 15/07/2021 20:21

He really doesn’t sound mature enough to have a child tbh.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2021 20:21

What an insensitive prick he is. It's shocking honestly. Hard to imagine he doesn't have form for this kind of behaviour.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/07/2021 20:21

If you weren’t already pregnant I’d be rethinking the plan of having a baby with such a man child.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2021 20:21

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

If you weren’t already pregnant I’d be rethinking the plan of having a baby with such a man child.
Exactly this.
Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:22

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable by the sound of it - would it fair that I can tell my immediate family and he can tell his parents and leave it there? Is that so much to ask?

He is also saying that he will tell work colleagues and that he doesn't believe family should be told before anyone and that all people are equal in terms of when they know?!! It's truly bizarre the way he thinks about this stuff

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2021 20:23

Why did you stay with this idiot after his ridiculous behaviour last time?

GreenLeafTurnip · 15/07/2021 20:23

He's being an insensitive arse especially after a miscarriage. Is he like this with other things? If it were me I'd be mightily pissed off and would probably say I wouldn't tell anyone and then tell my parents and sister and keep it on the down low. He sounds like an idiot to be honest.

Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2021 20:24

He sounds thick.

GreenCrayon · 15/07/2021 20:25

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

If you weren’t already pregnant I’d be rethinking the plan of having a baby with such a man child.
Agreed. He sounds way too immature to be a parent and making sure he can tell an equal amount of people is just the first of many 'competitions'.

Say I wouldn't be surprised if he also counts every nappy he changes if he changes any at all that is.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're going to have 2 children instead of an equal partner. I hope you have lots of real life support because this doesn't sound like it's going to end well.

Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:25

@GreenLeafTurnip

He's being an insensitive arse especially after a miscarriage. Is he like this with other things? If it were me I'd be mightily pissed off and would probably say I wouldn't tell anyone and then tell my parents and sister and keep it on the down low. He sounds like an idiot to be honest.
I know I am so tempted to do this but call me stupid, if feel really bad about it like betrayal. It's silly I know but I don't think I could do it
OP posts:
RevolutionRadio · 15/07/2021 20:26

I think you should both tell the people you would want to be there for you if something was to go wrong, wether it be parents, other family or friends.

Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:26

The thing is he is generally a very mature person in most other things and my post does not reflect him most of the time - but it still saddens me he is doing this

OP posts:
Original poster
doesparentingsuck · 15/07/2021 20:27

@RevolutionRadio shouldn't it be a joint decision though?

OP posts:
burritofan · 15/07/2021 20:27

He is also saying that he will tell work colleagues and that he doesn't believe family should be told before anyone and that all people are equal in terms of when they know?!!
He’s a dick. I hope he becomes a better parent to your child than he is a husband to you.

Standrewsschool · 15/07/2021 20:27

In his family, does news usually get distributed around the wider family, ie. aunts and uncles etc., rather than just immediate family? If so, maybe it’s not a case of equalling up numbers -more of a you tell everyone or no-one situation.

Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2021 20:27

In what way is he a good partner usually?

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