To want to announce pregnancy on my terms?

[doesparentingsuck]

Very early stages of my pregnancy and came up in discussion of when we tell people.

Last pregnant you ended in miscarriage - I wanted to tell my parents and siblings that's it. DH disagreed so all of his family found out including uncles aunts etc. Then he told his friends. I told no one only immediate family.

DH has no siblings so thought it unfair that I'm telling more people than him if he only told immediate family as he has no siblings and therefore his aunts uncles are his immediate family.

Anyway fast forward I'm now pregnant again. He says it's all or nothing - in other words if I tell anyone he has the right to tell who he wants,

I've explained it MY body changing not his, and my mother and sister will be able to offer support in these early days as they've been through it so why again can't we just tell parents and my siblings. He says no and we either keep it secret or no picking and choosing who will tell.

I don't want anyone im not close to knowing again about the pregnancy failing but equally I want those close to me to be able to offer advice from an early stage.

AIBU to think he's being cheeky, insensitive and down right nasty about this?

He’s being unreasonable. This would irritate me. Effect on his body is much less than on yours. You need more support than him.

The most charitable explanation is that he is extremely stupid.

So explain it to him, at length, in words of one syllable. Not just in this context but in general. How when someone is upset they need support from people they love who might have relevant experience. How that same person does not want loads of messages on something personal from people they are not close to. Maybe explain it in the context of if he had erectile dysfunction or similar. Try not to get upset, just keep it logical and clear.

If he still thinks at the end that it is sensible to say that he should be permitted to tell his extended family and coworkers then in sorry but I don't see how you can plan to coparent with this idiot.

Hmm, perhaps in that case you shouldtell his parents, explainthat this information is confidentialfor obvious reasons, but that the child they raised is too stupid to understand this and would they like to take a turn at explaining it to him?

Unhelpful i know but he sounds like a terrible partner and not mature enough to be a father.

This wouldn't be the man I'd chose to reproduce with.

For comparison...I am 7 weeks pregnant.
My mum and siblings have known since wk4/5 as does one friend from work (on mat leave). I needed to talk to people about it and am scared of miscarriage
My DH has told no one. We are visiting his mum and siblings when im 9 weeks and we wont tell them then as i am not ready/comfortable with it.

Your partner is an arsehat but honestly it sounds like his babyish ultimatums are going to be the least of it.

I hope everything goes well for you. It's frustrating that he's not helping with that by what reads like a toddler tantrum. I agree with others that it's an issue that needs nipped in the bud, possibly with outside help.

My spouse and I were at opposite ends with pregnancy news - I pretty much didn't want to tell anyone for as long as possible, he wanted to tell everyone right away. We came to a compromise that he told his parents (knowing his mother would tell her sisters and mother, but they'd never get involved in my business) and a couple of friends & I was in charge of anything put online. There were a couple regrets with a friend who made a weird remark at me about it, but as beyond his parents they weren't people I talked to and my issue is I didn't want additional pregnancy related conversations, it seemed a fair compromise for us.

Trying to get through that there are conversations you don't want to be having with some people is a hard thing for some people to get their head around, most are fine but I've met a few who really couldn't get my discomfort in this, but he really should be supporting you there especially if you're going to be getting remarks and asked questions on it.

my issue is I didn't want additional pregnancy related conversations, it seemed a fair compromise for us.

Exactly this, is why I only want select people knowing. I don't want certain people fussing, and asking all those baby related questions. I just don't want to talk about it all day every day.

As a pregnant person it's already something we have to regularly think about with food and lifestyle choices I don't want to be engaging in conversations about it with certain people on a regular basis. He doesn't understand this

I'm an only child and NC with one biological parent, whereas my partner has both parents and quite a few siblings, so was able to tell more than 3 times the amount of people I did at first (agreed on by both of us, I was happy for them to know).
It's just how it is, you can't help having more siblings, I never even thought of trying to claim more family members as "close family" just so I could tell as many people as him.
I am all for complete honesty, but on this occasion I think you should tell your mum and sister and let them know to keep it quiet from him, then they can act surprised when you both 'tell' them.

Under the circumstances he should go along with your wishes. It's selfish of him not to.