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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t do online ordering but expect you to.

125 replies

BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 13:35

Had yet another message from a family member while I was at work asking if I could order X item from X shop. I ignored it because I was busy. I then got a follow up text this morning saying ‘don’t worry if you’re too busy, I can try to get it instore if it’s in stock’.

I asked why they don’t just set up their own account and got a reply about already having too many passwords to remember. Wtf.

They do have a smart phone and use the internet so it’s not that. Requests are a few times a month, more around family birthdays etc.

DH is also guilty of this, he messages me links to eBay items rather than set up his own eBay/PayPal account. I forced him to make his own Amazon log in last year because it was weekly requests for me to order stuff.

I might be in a particularly bad mood today but I’m finding it really fucking irritating. Yes it may only take me a couple of minutes but I resent it.

AIBU to just say no to it from now on? The recent one has tipped me over because I’ve worked 52 hours in the last 7 days and the person asking doesn’t work. Im a little bit at breaking point and this ‘small favour’ request has broken me iyswim.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 15/07/2021 15:37

Gosh this is definitely a thing then.
These people are everywhere.

What seems to be everywhere are lots of people who aren't capable of saying no. Anyone can ask someone to do something for them, the onus is on the other person to say no if they don't want to do it.

People need to be more assertive.

Congressdingo · 15/07/2021 15:38

I had two friends who tried this. Wanted something from Amazon and I have prime, so far so good. But I had to wait until the item arrived and the next time I saw them for the money. I mentioned that the money comes out of my account when the item is sent, so they've to pay at the time of ordering. They haven't asked me since.

Apparently neither use cards online. The risk of hacking or something. But it's ok for me to risk it?

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 15/07/2021 15:39

YANBU - as a pp has said, you;'re the one who has to faff about returning it, etc.

Having said that, it is hell on toast trying to use eBay/Amazon on my phone, I've given up. Everything is way too small to see (if the bank wants a 2 stage payment, it can't be done as the button is the size of a pinhead), my phone randomly decides to throw me back to the desktop (or whatever it is on a phone), I haven't got enough signal and get the wheel of death. I have to use the laptop.

Tell them to get a laptop and get on with it.

cindarellasbelly · 15/07/2021 15:48

My parents are going this way, but they're approaching 80 and my dad recently nearly fell prey to an eBay scam. My mother can't tell the difference between updates on her phone and spam, and is far too worried to use it. My dad can use internet banking because he has for years, but they tried and failed to navigate Tesco online shopping. At this stage, I would love to help them, but basically they really aren't capable of not accidentally ordering from the wrong country site/putting in wrong info. What you're describing is totally different though, I agree you need to call them out on it, make it a joke but don't respond.

And do not get me STARTED on WhatsApp voice messages, I hate them so much! Its like someone deciding they get to do a monologue for 6 minutes and you have no choice but to listen. If it was conversation you could interrupt at least.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/07/2021 15:53

My mum was like this. It was a pain BUT she was fast approaching 80, had never used tinternet and took me no time at all.

Original poster
BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 15:58

@cindarellasbelly

My parents are going this way, but they're approaching 80 and my dad recently nearly fell prey to an eBay scam. My mother can't tell the difference between updates on her phone and spam, and is far too worried to use it. My dad can use internet banking because he has for years, but they tried and failed to navigate Tesco online shopping. At this stage, I would love to help them, but basically they really aren't capable of not accidentally ordering from the wrong country site/putting in wrong info. What you're describing is totally different though, I agree you need to call them out on it, make it a joke but don't respond.

And do not get me STARTED on WhatsApp voice messages, I hate them so much! Its like someone deciding they get to do a monologue for 6 minutes and you have no choice but to listen. If it was conversation you could interrupt at least.

Oh thank god someone agrees with me about voice messages! They are so demanding and narcissistic. I could never do one.
OP posts:
FinallyHere · 15/07/2021 15:59

Don't say no. Just don't do it.

They will soon realise that if they want the stuff they need to DIY.

If they ask you, then you complain but do it, they tune out the complaint and have achieved their objective.

I did it for my 90+ DM, because I knew she wasn't capable, never complained and had changed my nappies. I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

@pasturesgreen
I then have to schlep round with her stuff.

So long as you are clear that you are choosing to do this.

To everyone else , they do it because they can.

Terhou · 15/07/2021 16:02

Ignore them every time. They'll learn how to do it if you're not there to do it for them.

cloudyrain · 15/07/2021 16:13

I do the Amazon ordering for my DParents as I have Prime and they don't. They don't order enough and are not great at navigating the maze of Amazon to get the best price/product. It is no effort for me I work in front of my PC from home and there are no expectations, they know if I am deep in a deadline project that they will have to wait.

My DH uses my Amazon account login, I am not his PA.

My DP (late 70s) do online banking (sort of) but won't do groceries, so throughout the pandemic my DF went once a week to Tesco whilst my DM shielded. Everything else they do themselves now having learnt during lockdown.

They are briefed to not randomly click things and if they are not sure to call me, or one of their other DC. I know my brother still gets frustrated as they "break" their email regularly and that is his responsibility!

When they can't use their phone they wait for one of the DGC to visit.

I trained my DP to not ring the landline by never answering it, now I get random phone, whatsapp or facetime calls depending on which button they hit.

NotAnotherAlias · 15/07/2021 16:13

@BelleClapper

I’d love to know why, actually.

It’s not lack of access to the internet or knowing her way round the website as she sends me the link.

It’s not to avoid paying as she immediately transfers the money.

It can’t really be about passwords as she has an iPhone so the phone auto fills them.

I hope it’s not because she’s worried about fraud because that means she’s throwing me to the wolves.

It’s bizarre.

It’s about attention. She gets your attention by doing this.

From your other descriptions it sounds that’s what she’s after.

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 15/07/2021 16:14

I did this most willingly for my technophobic octogenarian mum who was consistent in her inability to get to grips with new-to-her technology,

In your shoes, I'd message the CF to say sorry, you won't be doing it any more. If she asks why, reply with the obvious "Because I don't want to."

citycitycity · 15/07/2021 16:16

@Musicaltheatremum

My 93 year old FIL to be orders (incessantly) online. He's amazing. My fiance does get me to order stuff on my Amazon prime account. Mind you no point in paying two prime fees so I don't mind. He always pays me back
You can share a prime account. You can both have an account but only pay one fee.
RedToothBrush · 15/07/2021 16:19

Zammo had a song about this once.

Also tell them to stop harassing your husband if you don't jump when they demand it.

In other words, grow a spine and tell them to stop the piss taking.

WhyOhWine · 15/07/2021 16:44

Is it cash flow? How quickly do they pay you back?

WhyOhWine · 15/07/2021 16:45

if it is worry about fraud, you could suggest they get a credit card with a very low limit just to use for online shopping.

Mwahahahahaha · 15/07/2021 16:47

My brother used to do this.

Not idea why, but I just used to do it for him, bo questions asked. Even when he moaned about the price of delivery.

Then one day I asked him why he doesn’t just do it himself and he responded “I don’t want to use my card online just I case I’m scammed”.

I didn’t place that order, or any subsequent ones for him after that.

Original poster
BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 16:48

It’s not cash flow as she transfers the money straight away.

If it’s fraud, then why am I fair game? That’s made me a bit angry actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 16:49

@Mwahahahahaha

My brother used to do this.

Not idea why, but I just used to do it for him, bo questions asked. Even when he moaned about the price of delivery.

Then one day I asked him why he doesn’t just do it himself and he responded “I don’t want to use my card online just I case I’m scammed”.

I didn’t place that order, or any subsequent ones for him after that.

They walk among us!

I’m a bit cheered up that there’s lots of these cheeky fuckers.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 15/07/2021 16:57

Just 'forget' to order the things every time and they will soon stop asking you.

Malbecfan · 15/07/2021 17:00

Charge them for your time:

"Yes I'll order it but as I'm now your personal shopper, I need to make it pay. It's £20 flat charge then £20 for every half hour it takes me after that, payable in advance."

My 86 year old father can manage to go online and order stuff quite successfully and manage his own banking online, so it's pure idleness on the part of these relatives.

Cloudfrost · 15/07/2021 17:05

The only reason I shop for others online on my account is when I am also planning on buying something so we split postage ccosts.Also when I buy snag tights and they do a discount the more pairs you buy.

I have on a few occasions asked friends to get parcels delivered to theirs though cause parcels and mail kept going missing. Any chance that could be an issue?

AuntiePushpa · 15/07/2021 17:10

I think people do this because they're worried about fraud. It is not that they're happy for you to be a victim but that they don't feel confident that they will spot the dodgy link or will put their card details in the wrong place. They think you're more savvy than them.

Doesn't stop it being bloody annoying obviously.

RightYesButNo · 15/07/2021 17:21

Is she possibly hiding the amount she spends or where or how she spends it from her husband or partner? The bank statement just shows a transfer to you, not the shop, and then he can’t ask about the shop to discover X cost £20 or something. Maybe she either has a shopping problem or a financially abusive DP. (Both not that likely, but I can’t figure out why someone would do this AND keep changing the reason they give you.)

Marmitemarinaded · 15/07/2021 17:26

Not wanting to be scammed but prepared for a close friend or family member to be would be enough for me to actually pretty much sever links with them

An elderly relative - I would (and indeed do not) have any qualms whatsoever doing this for them. It’s a different world for them and must be tricky to accept and navigate. Plus much harder to learn new skills with age

Marmitemarinaded · 15/07/2021 17:27

@RightYesButNo

Is she possibly hiding the amount she spends or where or how she spends it from her husband or partner? The bank statement just shows a transfer to you, not the shop, and then he can’t ask about the shop to discover X cost £20 or something. Maybe she either has a shopping problem or a financially abusive DP. (Both not that likely, but I can’t figure out why someone would do this AND keep changing the reason they give you.)
This sounds very possible and must happen sometimes