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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who don’t do online ordering but expect you to.

125 replies

BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 13:35

Had yet another message from a family member while I was at work asking if I could order X item from X shop. I ignored it because I was busy. I then got a follow up text this morning saying ‘don’t worry if you’re too busy, I can try to get it instore if it’s in stock’.

I asked why they don’t just set up their own account and got a reply about already having too many passwords to remember. Wtf.

They do have a smart phone and use the internet so it’s not that. Requests are a few times a month, more around family birthdays etc.

DH is also guilty of this, he messages me links to eBay items rather than set up his own eBay/PayPal account. I forced him to make his own Amazon log in last year because it was weekly requests for me to order stuff.

I might be in a particularly bad mood today but I’m finding it really fucking irritating. Yes it may only take me a couple of minutes but I resent it.

AIBU to just say no to it from now on? The recent one has tipped me over because I’ve worked 52 hours in the last 7 days and the person asking doesn’t work. Im a little bit at breaking point and this ‘small favour’ request has broken me iyswim.

OP posts:

SamanthaJayne4 · 15/07/2021 14:15

Online shopping can be very tedious. Very selfish to delegate the task to someone else unless you are elderly or incapacitated in some way. I am 68 and not the best at technical things but I manage it. And I often have to reset my password because I have forgotten it! It is tedious but you just get on with it.

SecondClassmyass · 15/07/2021 14:17

Does she pay you back in cash? If so I would think she has a side cash in the hand income and doesn’t want to declare it, so has the cash but not in her bank account so can’t use it online

Original poster

BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 14:17

She transfers it from her online banking!

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/07/2021 14:17

YANBU

teach those people to fish.
or just let them go hungry until they can figure it out own their own

wanderedlonelyasacloud · 15/07/2021 14:18

YANBU

I helped a family member out with ordering something online during the first lockdown, I paid for it and asked them to send me the money. They turned up at my house with cash as they "don't do online banking". I couldn't get to the bank during the first lockdown (I think they were actually shut at that time weren't they but I can't really remember now) so I had the cash in my purse for about 5 months as I never use it.

Original poster

BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 14:20

I’d love to know why, actually.

It’s not lack of access to the internet or knowing her way round the website as she sends me the link.

It’s not to avoid paying as she immediately transfers the money.

It can’t really be about passwords as she has an iPhone so the phone auto fills them.

I hope it’s not because she’s worried about fraud because that means she’s throwing me to the wolves.

It’s bizarre.

OP posts:

drspouse · 15/07/2021 14:22

"Yes ok, I'm next free for you to come and collect it in 3 weeks time at 7.54 am. That suit you?"

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/07/2021 14:23

They probably don't want to have ti wait in for the packages.

Or want the marketing emails/texts.

The option to transfer money on their terms not straight away at point of order.

Don't want strange men ( the couriers are very often men) knocking at their door.

Don't want to have to get up to answer.door if it comes early .

Maybe

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/07/2021 14:24

But of course uts OK to make u do all those things

Musicaltheatremum · 15/07/2021 14:26

My 93 year old FIL to be orders (incessantly) online. He's amazing.
My fiance does get me to order stuff on my Amazon prime account. Mind you no point in paying two prime fees so I don't mind. He always pays me back

GeminiRising · 15/07/2021 14:27

@BelleClapper

I asked why they don’t just set up their own account and got a reply about already having too many passwords to remember. Wtf.

They do have a smart phone and use the internet so it’s not that. Requests are a few times a month, more around family birthdays etc.

I might be in a particularly bad mood today but I’m finding it really fucking irritating. Yes it may only take me a couple of minutes but I resent it.

YADNBU. I have this with my DH - except he will ask me to search for stuff he wants first, giving me vague descriptions, then getting annoyed when I can't actually locate what he's after, rather than find it and then show me so I know what he wants.

I've started telling him to do it himself unless it's something for us both. I'm done with being customer services for him.

If my 78 yo technophobe DM can set up online accounts and order stuff then he has no excuse.

Notaroadrunner · 15/07/2021 14:28

"Jean, I'm up to my tits with work. I'm no longer going to facilitate ordering online items for you as you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. You'd have had it ordered in the time it took you to send me the link!"

Then ignore all further requests.

Original poster

BelleClapper · 15/07/2021 14:30

@Notaroadrunner

Then ignore all further requests.

Perfect.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 15/07/2021 14:30

It sounds like she thinks you’re her personal shopper

No is a full sentence

DanceForeverUnderTheLights · 15/07/2021 14:35

Oh, my mother does this. Sends me Amazon links all the time. Will not set up her own account because she's scared to order anything online because of fraud. It's fine for me to use my card though. She also uses online banking to transfer me the money

Nancydrawn · 15/07/2021 14:35

Your mother or your mother-in-law?

The first is annoying. The second is galling (why is she not harassing her son for this?).

Nancydrawn · 15/07/2021 14:36

(That was directed to OP)

Changes17 · 15/07/2021 14:36

What about: I can't do it right now because I am busy working. I may have time on xxx day, but if you need it sooner than that you might find it's quicker to organise it yourself.

Presumably they were perfectly capable of buying things before the internet?

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/07/2021 14:37

YANBU...

My sister does this, makes me order stuff off Amazon for her cos 'I don't have amazon'... and no she doesn't mean she doesn't have Prime, she mean's she doesn't 'have Amazon' like its some sort of app or something you need to have, or something you need membership for that is hard to get..

She is spectacularly techno-muppet, despite having jumped on the smartphone bandwagon probably ten years before I ever did, she can ebay stuff... she knows where facebook is and sometimes looks at it but when it comes to buying anything not on ebay.. she's apparently totally baffled.

Worse than this (and yes, she has pissed me off today why do you ask..)... she rings me to get me to GOOGLE stuff for her because she can't google things, she could ASK her phone to google for her, but no, she rings me... she doesn't even begin to understand how to use appropriate search terms to find the answers she needs...

SemiFeralDalek · 15/07/2021 14:37

Dh does this. He'll send me 25 different links to things that are slightly different, with a "size 10" or "2XL" "in black" type instructions.

He's shit at technology, thinks online banking is basically witchcraft and more often than not, will send links to shops that are very clearly scam websites. He's a fucking nightmare and it's not for the want of trying to learn because he has.

queenMab99 · 15/07/2021 14:42

I would think it is nervousness about online fraud, because I felt like that when ordering online became common, but i would never have asked someone else to risk it for me, and in the end I just jumped in when it became necessary due to my mobility issues. Now I never have to go trailing round shops, and I love it! (except for shoes, I have to try those on )

SarahBellam · 15/07/2021 14:42

Definitely YANBU. My parents are well into their 70s and order their food shop, Kindle books, presents, holidays, transfer money via PayPal, and everything else they need online. They’re a bit unsteady on their feet sometimes and technology has been an absolute godsend for them. Provided your relative has no cognitive impairment there is absolutely no reason for them to require you to do their jobs for them. Can you go round to their house and help them set it up? That way they have no excuse. Of course, it may have nothing to do with stuff at all - it may just be a cry for attention.

grapewine · 15/07/2021 14:43

I know someone who doesn't want to put her card details online so asked me to order books and dvds. After a few times, I put a stop to it. It's just being a CF and thinking her time is more important than mine. Order your own shite.

Manzanilla55 · 15/07/2021 14:45

I get this asked of me sometimes too. Some people are dyslexic and struggle online. Others just like others doing their admin for them. Never understood this myself but I am proud and hate leaning on people like that.

aiwblam · 15/07/2021 14:46

Send this fool a password record book and don’t make any more orders for them.

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