Normal to struggle juggling work and DC?

[SilverOak]

I work freelance programming websites, maybe 20 hours a week flexibly around 3yo DC. The problem is that DC is now at home till nursery reopens in September. I’m struggling to work and look after DC at the same time. If I put the tv on for him, he closes the lid of my laptop and physically grabs my head and turns it towards the tv because he wants me to watch with him. If I give him the iPad he gets hold of my finger and makes me tap the screen. He prods me with books and toys, and screams when I say not now, mummy is busy. I can’t focus because I have to keep one eye on him.

DH is complaining that I’m not getting any work done and not getting paid. I said how do you expect me to work when I’m being pestered by a toddler? So he went off on a rant saying I need to learn to multitask, and when I return to the workplace I can’t expect to be left alone to just get on with things in peace, I will have to deal with distractions and interruptions. I said multitasking between different job roles isn’t the same as being pestered by a 3yo while you’re trying to concentrate!

DH is wfh this week because he’s tested positive for Covid. Of course he’s locked himself in the bedroom to work in peace. AIBU to unlock the door and let DC in to pester him?

Get your year round childcare established. Start working as much as you can to build your income, then see a solicitor is my advice. This isn’t going to end well so you need to put the foundations together for a different life.

Odds are he’s far “too important” for 50/50 custody so you can expect the burden to be yours (but you won’t notice the difference).
I’m sorry you married such a knobhead @SilverOak
I’d suggest counseling but it doesn’t strike me that he’d engage although you could try. Covid hasn’t brought out the best in people so you might want to set out what you want and see if he takes you seriously I guess.

Sounds like you've made sensible decisions about retraining , and you've got a flexible freelance income - brilliant!!
Definitely get some childcare sorted. Your child needs this for his development and wellbeing. It doesn't sound like a very stimulating environment to be stuck in front of the tv with you trying to work.
Put a routine in place that means you get time with your dc, family time, work time, nursery/ childcare, social time with other children.
Keep up your career - even if it initially needs to be in the evening until childcare sorted.
Cling to your independence , you don't want to be reliant on any man.

I have a proper high powered job and struggle to work with an 8 year old (currently on school bubble isolation ) unless they are on a screen.
Home schooling March - September 2020 was genuinely the worst time of my life and I have a DH who pulls his weight.
Jan - March 2021 our Afterschool nanny came in and got very rich.
Your husband is a prick and I hate to say it but you seem doomed if this is the way he treats you

I am so boiling mad on your behalf, I might burst into flames.

But first, bloody well done to you for retraining and getting work in programming!

As he has proven, no, you can't look after a three year old and work at the same time (and I certainly couldn't programme in those conditions). His argument about being interrupted at work is insane. The interruptions at my work are people who will ask if I'm available and will go away and come back later if I'm busy - unlike a toddler. But don't get sucked in to trying to argue with him.

He knows he's being unreasonable. He KNOWS. He's just trying to manipulate and pressure you into giving up work.

I agree with everyone saying your top priority is to find some childcare for the holidays, possibly a bit of extra childcare for term-time. Do not give up work, do not become entirely financially dependent on someone with that attitude.

Also, it's not him giving up 30 pounds an hour for you to earn 8 pounds an hour. It's him giving you some time to earn some money, NI contributions, pension contributions, self-worth, confidence, future greater earning potential, future promotions, being a strong role model for your son ... I could go on.

For the last couple of years, my DH has been retraining and I now far outearn what he does but, do you know what? Together we have made plans and changed hours, timing, switched leave etc. to make it work for him, because I'm happy he's doing something he enjoys and we're a team, and we are planning for me to do the same once he's a established in his field!

What an ALMIGHTY WANKER your DH is.

I also don’t know what the solution is but equality and life satisfaction are more important than money. If he can’t accept that, leave him. Fuckssake, what a prick.

Your DH has put you in a loss lose situation