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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my dog in my garden?

129 replies

salviapages · 15/07/2021 10:39

Really can't figure this one out. My dog is a rescue and a bit jumpy. She loves to hang in the garden and it's enclosed so in nice weather we just keep the back door open and she goes out and sunbathes. We live in a suburban area so have gardens backing onto all sides of our fence.

The neighbour behind us is often in her garden talking on the phone or to her husband, when she comes out and starts talking it makes my dog jump and she barks a few times. Or if there are other sudden noises she'll bark too.

But whenever she barks my partner or I go out immediately to stop her because we want to be respectful of neighbours, and if she's too worked up we just bring her inside.

But the neighbour behind us screeches at our dog. She tells 'shut up!!' all the time, a few times has yelled that 'someone needs to throttle that dog'

I know a barking dog can be annoying but it's usually only a few barks, and we go out immediately every time to quiet her, and sometimes will bring her inside. I don't see what else we could do aside from never let her out. And I just think it's so rude to screech 'shut up!!!' into a neighbour's garden. She's an adult human who can control herself, the dog isn't. And if you live in the suburbs you surely have to accept that you will have neighbours who sometimes make noise.

AIBU to keep letting my dog in the garden?

OP posts:
userxx · 15/07/2021 13:38

@MaMelon

Maybe she needs to move to a nice big detached house in the country

Maybe she needs to show some consideration for the neighbour who can't do a basic thing like use her garden without the dog barking, and for the dog who's obviously in a high state of anxiety.

Lots of really good advice on here on how to train the dog from people who obviously know what they're talking about.

It's neighbourhood noises!!! If you are that sensitive to a dog barking a couple of times, then suburban living clearly isn’t for you.
userxx · 15/07/2021 13:39

@olivethegreat

My neighbours dog barks whenever I go near the hedge and it doesn't remotely worry me! It wouldn't even occur to me to be cross about it
Exactly. Some people must be really uptight. Would hate to see how they deal with a real issue.
olivethegreat · 15/07/2021 13:40

Theres a cockerel behind that crows continuously and even that doesn't worry me.

The fountain in my other neighbours pond going 247 and meaning I can't keep my window open at night drives me bananas though!!!

ClaudiaWankleman · 15/07/2021 13:40

Dogs bark, children scream, aeroplanes whirr, washing machines mimic planes taking off. They're just normal sounds that people who live in urban or suburban areas must expect in their daily lives.

ferretface · 15/07/2021 13:45

The point of training the dog to be calm in this scenario is as much for the dog's wellbeing as it is for the neighbour (who sounds unreasonable and unpleasant).

Neighbour is being U for screaming at the dog in response to hearing it barking. Just going to make it bark more.
OP is being U for not helping her dog overcome its worries about the noises. It's not necessary for this dog to respond fearfully to people in their gardens, even if it's just a few barks.

MaMelon · 15/07/2021 13:47

If you are that sensitive to a dog barking a couple of times, then suburban living clearly isn’t for you

Absolutely. This isn't the case here.

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/07/2021 13:47

@ferretface has it.. follow the advice there.

You can also amuse yourself by using a marker word, I use 'OOH NOISIES'... currently we are counter conditioning ours to new neighbours next door fucking about with the adjoining fence (they have cut down the passionflower we share, causing my side to fall down. The unspeakable twats.)...

So each time I hear them, its raining treats and I'm shouting OOH NOISIES like its the BEST THING EVER...

You can use any word or short phrase as a marker - in the past I have used TWATS... with the result that if I say 'twats' all my dogs come hurtling in and look at me very expectantly and should anyone complain Ive called THEM twats... noooooo no I didn't... I called my dogs twats... mm!

YANBU, and your neighbour IS BU for breaking the fourth wall and commenting on noise she hears over the fence. It just isn't done!

userxx · 15/07/2021 13:51

Absolutely. This isn't the case here.

Sorry, I thoight the OP said her dog barked a couple of times?

ferretface · 15/07/2021 13:51

@WiddlinDiddlin love the OOH NOISIES and TWATS 😅 maybe I should get more creative, we tend to just use a clicker or sometimes I'll say "Nice" in a strange Hannibal Lecter tone Confused

Maray1967 · 15/07/2021 13:51

Tell her that if she doesn’t stop yelling at him you’ll leave him to bark longer so her shouting is counter productive.
I would be very clear - I can stop him barking after a few barks or he will settle anyway but your shouting is making it carry on.
Our next door neighbours dog is like this - we walk in garden, dog barks a couple of times, neighbour deals with dog and he quietens down straight away. Why on earth would we screech and shout ? Ridiculous.

MaMelon · 15/07/2021 13:52

Sorry, I thoight the OP said her dog barked a couple of times

No.

Ghosttile · 15/07/2021 13:58

Making phone calls in the garden is a lot more annoying than under 30 seconds of barking.

lifeinlimbo2020 · 15/07/2021 13:58

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

My neighbours dog barks if he hears something in the garden. Just once or twice.

Its a tad annoying. I'm sure my children playing in the pool are equally annoying.

Neither is as annoying as the repetitive thudding and grunting from the basketball enthusiasts a few doors up .

Some noise is part of living with neighbours.

This sums it up really I think. If you want peace and solitude you need to live in the middle of nowhere away from any other human being.
updownroundandround · 15/07/2021 13:59

@Mischance

I don't think it's really appropriate for you to say Another example of how dog owners cannot grasp how others feel about their dogs

The OP clearly states that they address the barking asap and will continue to do so, because she does know it may well be really irritating for the neighbour.

Also, the same argument could be made against children screaming/playing in their garden. If you don't have kids or pets, then you really cannot understand that even with all the discipline or training in the world, you cannot always control the noises they make.

However, the issue of the neighbour yelling about throttling the dog is very aggressive and angry !

itsmellslikepopcarn · 15/07/2021 14:00

I always thought shouting is counter productive anyway, I have a barky dog and everything I’ve read about how to help them stop barking so much says not to raise your voice, cause they’ll usually think you’re joining in!

I’m very conscious of how much my dog barks, so he’s always called inside the minute he starts barking. It hasn’t been too bad until a couple doors down got a dog who seems to be outside all the time and is just left to bark at people passing their fence, every time my dog hears them barking he’s off to investigate!

userxx · 15/07/2021 14:06

@MaMelon

Sorry, I thoight the OP said her dog barked a couple of times

No.

You're clearly reading a different thread to me then.
Original poster
salviapages · 15/07/2021 14:07

Just want to post to reassure anyone who's worried as some people have inferred that my dog is 'high anxiety' and not suited to suburban living, she's not and she's fine.

I think it's just natural that if she's dozing in the garden and suddenly hears someone talking a few metres away from her she'll bark. It's not every time the neighbour speaks or makes noise, and once the dog has realised that the neighbour is there she's fine with the noise of her talking.
We are working on training her and she is a lot better already, but can't spend ages sitting with her outside as I need to work indoors and feels cruel to shut her in the house most of the day when it's nice weather.

Thanks for advice and I don't want to come off as really defensive, just want to assure you that she's perfectly happy and not an anxious or stressed dog

OP posts:
Mollymalone123 · 15/07/2021 14:11

I wonder what your neighbour would’ve like if the neighbour had kids playing in their garden when she was on the phone - some people literally have no tolerance for anyone else.you are doing the right thing already.expecting a dog not to bark occasionally is the same as expecting a child not to shout when playing or a baby to cry !

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 15/07/2021 14:12

Our neighbours have put in a big overground pool and have their grandchildren over regularly. The noise is unbearable. We tend to not let our dogs bark - the moment they do they either get made to stop or they come inside and we close the door to the garden. However our neighbours never tell their grandchildren to shut up. Noise is noise. I wonder if those of you who say dogs barking are annoying, think the same of kids playing loudly in gardens.

Hersetta427 · 15/07/2021 14:16

It is bloody annoying. The nearest house that backs onto our garden let their bloody yappy dog out and has woken my daughter up at just after 6am every day for the last 2 weeks (since she has had her window open because of the warm weather). We have taken to yelling 'shut that bloody dog up' at times when it gets too much and they then bring it in. People with dogs need to be more considerate and train their dogs better.

MaMelon · 15/07/2021 14:19

You're clearly reading a different thread to me then

I was clearly reading the OP which at no point said 'a couple of times'. What words were you reading?

KOKOagainandagain · 15/07/2021 14:25

Living in the middle of nowhere is not the answer! My dog is excited and happy whenever someone actually comes to the house as he lives in hope that they are bringing him tasty treats. I blame postie armed with dog biscuits and Dave the deer hunter neighbour bringing freshly shot carcasses.

But if anyone dares to walk, horse ride or cycle down the lane he barks. Lockdown was a nightmare. We like to leave the door open to his fenced off area when the weather is good as he likes to sunbathe but he needs constant supervision unless it is too hot for him to be arsed - or is asleep. He is distracted, clicked, rewarded for staying quiet. When all else fails I tell him 'LOUD is not ALLOWED. Quiet or in'. Then he throws himself flat to the ground and grumbles Muttley style under his breath.

Iquitit · 15/07/2021 14:39

Why is phonecall neighbour allowed to make phone calls in her garden, thus making enough noise to be heard by OP (as OP knows what she's doing) in her garden, yet OP mustn't (by way of her dog, who by reading the OPs posts, barks a couple of times) make any noise at all that may disturb said phone neighbour?
Why isn't phone neighbour expected to be quiet so OP (and the dog) can't hear her? Yet OP must ensure her dog never barks?
Listening to someone talk in the garden, in person or on the phone, within reasonable hours, is normal noise when living with neighbours. The odd bark from a dog is the same, the OP is ultimately responsible for the dog, so it's still OPs noise as much as the phonecall is the neighbours noise. Why is the neighbour expecting silence from OP when they're clearly not willing to deliver that themselves.

I'd just ignore OP tbh, if it really is a couple of barks now and again she can complain away.

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 15/07/2021 14:45

@Hersetta427

It is bloody annoying. The nearest house that backs onto our garden let their bloody yappy dog out and has woken my daughter up at just after 6am every day for the last 2 weeks (since she has had her window open because of the warm weather). We have taken to yelling 'shut that bloody dog up' at times when it gets too much and they then bring it in. People with dogs need to be more considerate and train their dogs better.
Same for people with children, wouldn't you say?
StarCourt · 15/07/2021 14:54

@salviapages I have the same problem here but 2 rescues. New neighbour moved In upstairs with a baby. It cries a lot , loudly which makes my dogs bark as they're not used to it. She sings loud karaoke a few times a week which makes them bark because they aren't used to
It.
She has bbq's In The garden with friends a couple of times a week with loud talking and laughing, baby crying and music. She also has to walk diwn The side of my garden to get to hers. All of which makes my dogs bark .
She smokes while talking on the phone outside my bedroom window which makes my dogs bark.
The neighbours shout and swear at my dogs but never at the neighbour who all in all makes more noise than my dogs. Nobody shouts at her.
I hate barking dogs and now am forever shushing them which makes us all miserable.