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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my dog in my garden?

129 replies

salviapages · 15/07/2021 10:39

Really can't figure this one out. My dog is a rescue and a bit jumpy. She loves to hang in the garden and it's enclosed so in nice weather we just keep the back door open and she goes out and sunbathes. We live in a suburban area so have gardens backing onto all sides of our fence.

The neighbour behind us is often in her garden talking on the phone or to her husband, when she comes out and starts talking it makes my dog jump and she barks a few times. Or if there are other sudden noises she'll bark too.

But whenever she barks my partner or I go out immediately to stop her because we want to be respectful of neighbours, and if she's too worked up we just bring her inside.

But the neighbour behind us screeches at our dog. She tells 'shut up!!' all the time, a few times has yelled that 'someone needs to throttle that dog'

I know a barking dog can be annoying but it's usually only a few barks, and we go out immediately every time to quiet her, and sometimes will bring her inside. I don't see what else we could do aside from never let her out. And I just think it's so rude to screech 'shut up!!!' into a neighbour's garden. She's an adult human who can control herself, the dog isn't. And if you live in the suburbs you surely have to accept that you will have neighbours who sometimes make noise.

AIBU to keep letting my dog in the garden?

OP posts:

ChainJane · 15/07/2021 12:21

YABU to let the dog out if it barks. The problem is dog owners tend not to appreciate just how much the dog barks or how loud it is. They think they do, but they don't. It's the same with children - parents ignore the volume of their child's screaming because they love them. Other people who don't give two hoots about them have a different opinion - a more objective one.

Thelnebriati · 15/07/2021 12:22

YANBU, but you do need to desensitise your dog to random noises. Make some recordings, download some MP3's, and play them very quietly while she is eating - so quietly that she doesnt react. Every few days gradually increase the volume.

daisyjgrey · 15/07/2021 12:26

@Mommabear20

Wow! We have 3 terrier type dogs who bark constantly (despite our best efforts to stop them!) and Eve never had any neighbours complain about it, and we live on a terrace street!

I get it can be annoying when they're not your dogs but people need to be more understanding that dogs, like kids, make noise! And unless you choose to live in a specific dog or kid free area, other people may have the and they may make noise.

You are definitely not being unreasonable to let your dog into her own garden!

Next time your neighbor starts talking outside, just tell your dog 'someone needs to throttle that woman!' 😂

Your neighbours haven't complained directly to you because they have a group WhatsApp where they plot the demise of you and your yappy furious dogs.

IDidntFloatUpTheLaganInABubble · 15/07/2021 12:28

If you want peace and quiet with no disturbance from dogs or neighbours go live somewhere that affords you that, maybe a detchached house somewhere.

We live similarly to you OP. Sometimes my dogs bark when the neighbours are out. Anymore than a couple of times I bring them in.

My neighbours never complain as I never do when both neighbours cats poo in my garden.

We've also just had some noisy neighbours move in, lots of garden parties and it was pretty quiet before...I live in a terraced house, I cannot expect peace from animals or humans.

Your neighbour sounds an idiot!

LST · 15/07/2021 12:28

Shouting at a dog barking has the complete opposite effect you want in most cases. Just an FYI to all the people saying they'd shout shut up

muddyford · 15/07/2021 12:30

As soon as he barks you need to bundle him inside, shut the door and leave him completely on his own for ten minutes. Keep repeating EVERY SINGLE TIME and the dog will get the message that barking in the garden ends his fun. You are not unreasonable to let your dog into the garden but the barking would drive most dog owners mad. You need to get a grip before your neighbours make a formal complaint.

MaMelon · 15/07/2021 12:31

If you want peace and quiet with no disturbance from dogs or neighbours

Literally no-one on here has said that.

There appears to be no middle ground between 'dog that barks pretty much every time a neighbour speaks' and 'silence' for some posters.

IDidntFloatUpTheLaganInABubble · 15/07/2021 12:33

I know @MaMelon that is my opinion.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/07/2021 12:34

Just ignore her, your dog has every right to be in the garden and have the occasional bark, as long as it isn't constant then YANBU

CandyLeBonBon · 15/07/2021 12:36

There is a big difference between a dog that barks at unusual things, occasionally or as a reaction to something that makes it feel threatened. That's normal. I don't object to that.

I DO object to a dog that barks at everything and anything all day long, whilst outside. That is not a dog expressing normal behaviour. That is a dog they is bored, anxious, reactive and in a constant state of high alert.

I feel sorry for my neighbour's dog. It can't be a particularly enjoyable existence.

I still wish it would shut the fuck up so I can enjoy my own garden with a normal level of noise.

Thelnebriati · 15/07/2021 12:36

Before you punish your dog for anxiety, treat the cause of the anxiety.

Couchpotato3 · 15/07/2021 12:38

Your neighbour sounds like a nasty piece of work. Perhaps go out in the garden with your dog and if she starts one of her 'arguments' with the dog, just say "we are training the dog not to bark at the neighbours, but please don't shout at her/him because it makes things worse". Ignore any spiteful comments - the dog doesn't understand or react to those, so they don't matter, but the shouting does as it causes a reaction.

VimFuego101 · 15/07/2021 12:40

I'm no dog expert but i would think you need to be out there with him, treating him when he is quiet when the neighbour appears - not just going out when he's already started barking. There's a Facebook group called Dog Training Advice and Support which has some very helpful guides in it on how to handle various unwanted behaviours.

MotionActivatedDog · 15/07/2021 12:41

She’s an idiot if she thinks screeching at a barking dog will make it be quiet. It will just make things worse as the dog will react to her screeching.

Ratched · 15/07/2021 12:49

Can you try talking to her?
We have a dog near us who barks, pretty continuously for 30 minutes, two or three times a day.
I know, because I spoke to the owner that they are working hard with their dog ( he is frightened of everything - using the hoover sends him into meltdown for example), and do put him outside if they need to do something that distresses him. He then barks to be let in 🙄 But, he is very young and they are working with a behaviourist to address the problem.
However, we had someone move into close proximity a few days ago, who has resorted to screeching 'will someone let that poor bloody dog in' over the garden fence.
Precisely what I may have been driven to, had I not been aware of the reason.

So, try starting a conversation with her.

Nanny0gg · 15/07/2021 13:02

@FrownedUpon

Barking dogs are so annoying, especially when you’re trying to work at home. I’m not sure why everyone else is supposed to put up with the noise of your dog. It isn’t fair. You bought a dog, they didn’t!

A few barks is ok. Continual barking isn't

But you working from home in a residential area is your problem

Nanny0gg · 15/07/2021 13:04

@Mommabear20

Wow! We have 3 terrier type dogs who bark constantly (despite our best efforts to stop them!) and Eve never had any neighbours complain about it, and we live on a terrace street!

You are definitely not being unreasonable to let your dog into her own garden!

Next time your neighbor starts talking outside, just tell your dog 'someone needs to throttle that woman!' 😂

Three dogs in a terrace? That's unreasonable for a start.

And they can be trained not to bark.

userxx · 15/07/2021 13:12

Maybe she needs to move to a nice big detached house in the country.

Neighbour noise is just one of those things.

ferretface · 15/07/2021 13:14

Desensitising to the neighbour screeching is probably going a bit far (loud threatening voice would worry most dogs even if they don't react by barking) but the problem is that the dog is barking first when it hears the neighbour in the garden or talking etc. This is the part that needs training.

To do it:

Go into the garden, possibly with dog on a lead if it might be hard to get their attention otherwise
Wait for noises from neighbouring garden
Immediately upon hearing noises either give a really high value treat like fresh cooked sausage, or a really high value toy (my dog is ball motivated so we used noises to prompt a game of ball, telling him to go find his ball when he heard a trigger)
The treats last for as long as the trigger is present and stop when it leaves. Trigger predicts treat. Don't give the treat when the trigger isn't there or on anticipation of it starting. In the dog's mind the appearance of that trigger needs to become a good thing.
This needs practicing, repeatedly, and dog shouldn't be left alone in the garden while it is being trained. Otherwise this can undo the new behaviour and positive emotional response that is being trained by practicing an old fearful reaction.

We have a week of nice weather coming up, so would suggest this is a good opportunity to get out into the garden regularly with the dog and do this training. Even better if you can make a truce with the neighbour, explain what you're doing and that it will actually be helpful for her to come in and out of the garden, talk, make noises etc so you can train the dog to respond differently.

MaMelon · 15/07/2021 13:20

Maybe she needs to move to a nice big detached house in the country

Maybe she needs to show some consideration for the neighbour who can't do a basic thing like use her garden without the dog barking, and for the dog who's obviously in a high state of anxiety.

Lots of really good advice on here on how to train the dog from people who obviously know what they're talking about.

tintodeverano2 · 15/07/2021 13:23

It's not acceptable that your neighbour is being barked at every time she goes in her garden.
You may not realise how often the dog is barking if it's often outside. Dog owners tend not to hear the barking (or it doesn't bother them as much as other people).

LST · 15/07/2021 13:27

@tintodeverano2

It's not acceptable that your neighbour is being barked at every time she goes in her garden. You may not realise how often the dog is barking if it's often outside. Dog owners tend not to hear the barking (or it doesn't bother them as much as other people).

I'm a dog owner and it bothers me. So if it is ever my dog, which isn't very often or more than the odd woof. He gets told 'no' and if he barks again he comes in

warmfluffytowels · 15/07/2021 13:29

If your dog barks in the garden, you can't just let her out there on her own - it's not fair on the neighbours.

You need to go out with her and have her on the lead so you can control her behaviour and bring her in immediately - I say all this as a dog owner.

Yes, dogs bark and yes, it's normal to an extent but I have a neighbour who lets their dog have run of the garden and ALL it does is yap and bark at anyone who dares to go into their garden.

You can't stop the behaviour if you're not out there when it happens. Going out to bring her in once it's started is too late.

Dontwatchfootball · 15/07/2021 13:33

OP I completely understand what you mean, as opposed to the haters on here who just want to rant about you fooling yourself etc. I also leave my back door open on hot days. Dog is in and out. She is usually quiet but occasionally will bark in which case I bring her in immediately. Never more than one or two barks as I listen out for it. For the anti dog brigade on here today, if I have to listen to people on their phones, having parties, or screaming kids, you can put up with one or two barks from my small dog. I would be having words with a neighbour who was shouting like that.

olivethegreat · 15/07/2021 13:37

My neighbours dog barks whenever I go near the hedge and it doesn't remotely worry me! It wouldn't even occur to me to be cross about it

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