AIBU to ask neighbours to keep kids off trampoline in working hours?

[PineappleMojito]

Not really for me, for my DP who is WFH. I don’t WFH so this doesn’t impact but he is very bothered by it.

Next door recently bought a trampoline for their two kids. When they go on it, they’re really noisy - they scream and shout a lot, I’ve heard them on the weekends when I’m home and it is loud. DP is hearing impaired, he’s on work Zoom calls during the day and the noise is making it difficult to do his calls. One is a pre schooler and the other we think might be home at the moment because school bubble has burst. Obviously he is used to general neighbour noise during day, but he finds the screaming and shouting difficult as it’s right next to our fence. He’s using noise cancelling headphones for calls, but even with those it’s getting through and making it hard for him to concentrate and hear what’s being said.

Would he BU to ask them if they could keep the kids off the trampoline during his work hours or confine it to lunch time during the week? He has an hour break where he’d be fine with them using it, he normally goes out to walk the dog. They’re very nice neighbours and we’ve never had any issues, but he’s afraid to rock the boat.

@FlyingSoHigh

90% of voters think you are being unreasonable. And even bored housewives can have a valid opinion. OP - your approach that you can do anything until somebody complains and only then will you think about changing your behaviour is pretty grim. Most people's idea of being a good neighbour is to avoid pissing people off in the first place.

Yes, I have understood that DP WOULD be unreasonable to ask they don’t use the trampoline and therefore I’ve taken that on board and let him know.

Of course I don’t think you can do “anything” - what a silly piece of conjecture from what I said. There are basic courtesy things that you do and don’t do. But as we’ve seen on this thread, there are also a lot of grey areas that people have different opinions about. That’s where you need to communicate with others.

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@ThirdElephant

nice distortion of what I said.

I said "part of the fun"

you translated that to "is the whole fun"

I can't decide if you are deliberately misinterpreting things or just prefer to exaggerate unnecessarily.
Sorry you can't understand what someone actually says.[/quote]
Well, as the screaming isn't 'the whole fun' but only part of it, it's not necessary, is it?

Your argument was that screaming is necessary because it's 'part of the fun'. My argument is that fun is not an excuse for being inconsiderate. It's a valid argument as far as I can see, and totally relevant in the context of what you said.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

I asked my kids if screaming & shouting while playing was necessary. they said yes.

I asked why? they said because that's what kids do and it's part of the fun.

so there you go. straight from the horse's mouth. kids should be allowed to be kids.🤷‍♀️

I bet your kids are right little delights. Not.

To answer your headline, yes! You’d be very unreasonable to ask.

It’s for you to manage your life, not for your neighbours to adapt their lives to suit you. It’s children playing, not a squadron doing drill practice!

You know some children can’t help shrieking right ? They can’t just turn their disability’s on and off. But sure lazy parenting.
I didn't realize a child with a disability was involved - my apologies

@Nocutenamesleft

What would you do to help the matter? What would your compromise be for that? Would you stop it altogether?

I don’t know exactly. It depends firstly how someone approached me about it. If they said it in the way you’ve framed (or similarly polite) then I’d want to work with them to find a solution. If they approached me like some posters on here have, or came in a threatening or aggressive way, I would respond less well.

I would first ask the other person what they felt to be a reasonable solution and we’d talk then about what would feel mutually acceptable. It depends also on the nature of someone’s issue with it. If it’s simply that it’s illegal and they’re just being judgy, then quite frankly IDGAF. If they simply don’t like the smell, then I sympathise but also that might limit how much compromise I’d offer as there are also things they can do of the kind that have been suggested to us - shut windows, for example. We could agree on some hours that it’s acceptable for us to smoke and not smoke - like I said, we don’t by any means do it all day or every day and certainly not while the NDN kids are outside. If it triggers asthma or PTSD or something, then of course that’s more serious and would possibly warrant agreeing to smoke away from the home or only do it at home when they’re out.

Ask them whether they'd consider moving the trampoline away from the fence and closer to their house.

@Billandben444

You know some children can’t help shrieking right ? They can’t just turn their disability’s on and off. But sure lazy parenting. I didn't realize a child with a disability was involved - my apologies

It isn’t, in the scenario I’ve talked about here in my OP. The kids do not have SEN or disabilities. If they did then it probably would feel more like ok we’ll suck it up.

[quote PineappleMojito]@Nocutenamesleft

What would you do to help the matter? What would your compromise be for that? Would you stop it altogether?

I don’t know exactly. It depends firstly how someone approached me about it. If they said it in the way you’ve framed (or similarly polite) then I’d want to work with them to find a solution. If they approached me like some posters on here have, or came in a threatening or aggressive way, I would respond less well.

I would first ask the other person what they felt to be a reasonable solution and we’d talk then about what would feel mutually acceptable. It depends also on the nature of someone’s issue with it. If it’s simply that it’s illegal and they’re just being judgy, then quite frankly IDGAF. If they simply don’t like the smell, then I sympathise but also that might limit how much compromise I’d offer as there are also things they can do of the kind that have been suggested to us - shut windows, for example. We could agree on some hours that it’s acceptable for us to smoke and not smoke - like I said, we don’t by any means do it all day or every day and certainly not while the NDN kids are outside. If it triggers asthma or PTSD or something, then of course that’s more serious and would possibly warrant agreeing to smoke away from the home or only do it at home when they’re out.[/quote]
The smell makes me violently sick.

I was in the park yesterday when someone was obviously smoking it. I threw up right there and then. I’ve also got a feeding tube. So being sick makes it very difficult. As it means if it dislodges.

I couldn’t live near anyone who smoked it on a monthly basis. Let alone a weekly basis. The amount of times I’ve thrown up from it

However. No one cares nowadays.

Mumsnrt sometimes reminds me of the IDGAF type of people I have to deal with on a daily basis.

If you’ve said you IDGAF if someone just didn’t like it. Then why should your neighbours not just say WDGAF about your situation

Kindness from both sides is all it takes.

But as we’ve seen on this thread, there are also a lot of grey areas that people have different opinions about.

Honestly OP you seemed to think it was reasonable to ask them to not use their own property, in a perfectly legal way, to facilitate your husband’s working hours, who can’t even countenance working in his bedroom. 🤦‍♀️

I don’t think you should be putting yourself forward as a bastion of calm reasonableness.

@Alarae

From the sounds of things he needs to upgrade the noise cancelling headphones. I have Sony XM4s and I can't really hear anything if I'm sat at my desk. You can adjust the settings so that as he walks around they let some filter noise through (for example if going for a walk) or conplete noise cancellation when still.

Another good option I've seen recommended are Bose 700s.

I appreciate they are expensive (around £225) but they are a fantastic investment.

My okd job meant we used to have to use very expensive headphones on a daily basis. I worked in the music industry

I used seinhessier for quite a bit of my work. I have tiny ears. So found them extremely comfortable. They also have good noise cancellation parts to it

Seinheisser are also an amazing company with regards to customer service. Again. We’re talking the £360-£500 for a pair.

However. Best investment I ever made.

*The smell makes me violently sick.

I was in the park yesterday when someone was obviously smoking it. I threw up right there and then. I’ve also got a feeding tube. So being sick makes it very difficult. As it means if it dislodges*

If you were my neighbour and told me this I’d 100% agree to smoke away from the home/only when you were out or away. You have a health condition/disability that is impacted. I would not wish to make that worse and make you ill.

However, if you didn’t tell me that’s what was going on for you then I wouldn’t know and wouldn’t be able to rectify the situation.

Hopefully they’ll get bored of it ASAP and it won’t be an issue!

I absolutely sympathise with you and your dh I'm afraid you would be v unreasonable to ask them to stay off it during the day.

I've worked from home for years and neighbour noise can be a real problem. Especially when I'm on customer calls and all you can hear in the background is kids shouting or dogs barking.

What I try to do is take myself off to the quietist place in the house for those calls. Any internal calls I don't worry about. On some occasions when I've had an important customer call I've taken myself into the office for the day as I simply can do it at home. But that's one of the drawbacks to wfh.

@TheKeatingFive

But as we’ve seen on this thread, there are also a lot of grey areas that people have different opinions about.

Honestly OP you seemed to think it was reasonable to ask them to not use their own property, in a perfectly legal way, to facilitate your husband’s working hours, who can’t even countenance working in his bedroom. 🤦‍♀️

I don’t think you should be putting yourself forward as a bastion of calm reasonableness.

LOL. If I thought it was totally reasonable I’d just have stomped on round there and done it wouldn’t I? I wouldn’t have asked and had a sense check. And if you’ve actually seen my posts, I’ve fed back to DP that it would be too much to ask and he’d be better off just seeing if they might agree to keep noise down a bit and be mindful instead. So I’m not over here going “I’m gonna ignore you all and have a pop at my neighbours”. I’ve taken on board what’s been said.

People here can be very mean spirited.

@PineappleMojito

*The smell makes me violently sick.

I was in the park yesterday when someone was obviously smoking it. I threw up right there and then. I’ve also got a feeding tube. So being sick makes it very difficult. As it means if it dislodges*

If you were my neighbour and told me this I’d 100% agree to smoke away from the home/only when you were out or away. You have a health condition/disability that is impacted. I would not wish to make that worse and make you ill.

However, if you didn’t tell me that’s what was going on for you then I wouldn’t know and wouldn’t be able to rectify the situation.

I think your reply is very fair actually.

So I’d suggest the same for your neighbour. Asking them. However it might obliterate any neighbourly conduct. Which as I’ve had to deal with that myself. Is a horrific way to live.

It’s a rock and a hard place for you really. Don’t say anything and your husband struggles to work. Say something and maybe screw up neighbourly relations.

How far do you go in the matter?

To be fair. I think asking them to ask their kids not to scream is perfectly acceptable and most parents wouldn’t want their kids to upset their neighbours. However. Most parents think their kids are darling.

I’ve taken on board what’s been said

Remembering your idea of a ‘compromise’ I beg to differ.

I disagree with some, irrespective of the weed issue.

If they are screaming and making lots of noise then it's not unreasonable to ask neighbour if they can keep the noise down.

@TheKeatingFive

I’ve taken on board what’s been said

Remembering your idea of a ‘compromise’ I beg to differ.

Well we can’t agree on everything can we. Given the replies here, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to politely say that the trampoline screaming has become a bit much and could it be reined in a little during work and that DP could do a bit more on his side to push work for more adjustments. But hey - clearly we should just be cool with the kids doing whatever they like all day every day and screw everyone else, right.

If they haven’t had it long then it’s probably still a novelty. I suspect that will wear off after a while. Also it will only have lots of use when the weather is fine.

But hey - clearly we should just be cool with the kids doing whatever they like all day every day and screw everyone else, right.

Doing perfectly legal things on their own property that the council would class as normal residential noise?

Yes of course.

Meanwhile your DH can’t possibly work in the room he sleeps in? Despite tens of thousands of people doing exactly that across the land?

OP they're not making noise at unsociable hours. They're kids playing in their own garden at a reasonable time of day. How that affects the wfh situation in your home is not their problem.

*'Meanwhile your DH can’t possibly work in the room he sleeps in? Despite tens of thousands of people doing exactly that across the land?'

Great point, I agree 100% with this. Obviously the noise can't be that bad or op's husband would just move rooms!

I don't think anyone should have to make allowances for WFH neighbours at all. I'd expect quiet at night times as people are trying to sleep , rest is one of the things homes are for. But neighbourhoods are not working environments, so I wouldn't expect neighbours with young children to keep their children quiet in their gardens during working hours at all. Your husband needs to come to an arrangement with his employer as his home environment is not suitable for work, so either a return to the office or an office in one of those shared work spaces. It is 100% not the neighbours responsibility to provide a quiet work environment for your husband.

Are you MENTAL?

Of course you're being unreasonable.