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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that when offering seconds at dinner...

108 replies

ElevenBenevolentElephants · 14/07/2021 20:48

and the host has plated it up and served it, and then at the end, they shouldn't word it: there's more xxx, if anyone can manage any more?"

but more like: "there's more xxx, would anyone like some?"

reason why i think it is U? because the first one is implying that "how could anyone possibly manage any more dinner after this plate of food? only fat bastards that's who "

OP posts:
emilylily · 14/07/2021 23:03

It's just giving guests (who may not have enjoyed the meal or might feel too full) a get out by saying 'You must be stuffed so don't feel like you have to eat more to compliment my cooking!'.

LindaEllen · 14/07/2021 23:06

Wouldn't bother me. I'm fine being a fat bastard 😀

EmeraldShamrock · 14/07/2021 23:13

Extremely over sensitive reaction to a simple comment.

GiveMeNovocain · 14/07/2021 23:19

They've invited you over, cooked lovely food, offered you more. Focus on the nice bits instead of not picking over a phrase. Do you really think they'd have made the effort of going to all that effort only to insult you?

Hawkins001 · 14/07/2021 23:22

Sometimes one person's phrasing is just trying to be a good host, where as any other persons phrasing could be a psychological analysis

Flowers500 · 14/07/2021 23:26

OP I would definitely think the same as you.

Were I high on bloody acid!!!

FuckUcuntychops · 14/07/2021 23:30

Of all the overthinks this is the overthinkiest.

pubble · 14/07/2021 23:33

Wow people read a lot into things, it would never cross my mind to think like this. If I want more i'll have it.

GintyMcGinty · 14/07/2021 23:34

You are over thinking this.

Staffy1 · 14/07/2021 23:59

Oh well, we’re in the minority, but I totally agree with you. Wording is everything.

MouseholeCat · 15/07/2021 00:21

I wouldn't interpret this in the way that you did at all. Do you have a history of disordered eating?

My interpretation would be that they didn't want anyone to feel obligated to have seconds if they didn't want or need them. It means that someone who wasn't keen on the meal could pass it off to the host as being too full, for example.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2021 01:34

Your shock at the comment was probably obvious. 😐 if you went quite maybe tell the host you'd a mild headache.
I also know if I've inadvertently offended someone I'm good at reading people in RL.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2021 01:35

*Always know.

summerset · 15/07/2021 17:31

Wtf are you going on about! Sounds like you have too much time to think

Beline4u · 15/07/2021 18:51

Taking, over thinking to another level lol...

Rtruth · 15/07/2021 19:19

Wouldn’t be an issue, shows they prob plated up plenty but equally if I’m a guest unless they have 2nds I never would.

peppermintpat · 15/07/2021 19:32

I would just say 'no thank you' however it was phrased. It's a question and you answer it!

AlwaysLatte · 15/07/2021 19:44

It's strange to think it, much less make a post about it!

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 15/07/2021 19:55

Very odd

myfaceismyown · 15/07/2021 21:28

There is another complication to this and that is the family tradition. Growing up my mother always served the veg in tureens on the table. You had to clear your plate, so only took what you needed, then could have more, no problem. More meat too of course.
As a young teen I once went to a friends house where my plate was piled high with my least favourite veg. Think a mountain of bad mash and over cooked squeaky beans...
but I did what I had been taught and cleared my plate. It was only when I got through it all and looked up that I realised no one else had cleared theirs.... Their rule was to eat what you wanted and leave the rest. The parents were impressed I had polished it all off! A tough lesson.
In our house now I give sensible portions and seconds are fine. OP the phrasing might sound odd but I think the intention is not at all that you are greedy to want more.

kowari · 15/07/2021 21:35

@myfaceismyown How your friend's family served food was so wasteful! I don't understand why people do this, I mean I understand insisting a child tries a bit of everything, but everyone has different appetites and favourite veg. What one person might not like, another person may want seconds of.

myfaceismyown · 15/07/2021 21:39

@kowari I have no idea why they did that. It was a nightmare and I was just trying to be polite.

My parents taught me to try everything. I did the same with my own children following the give it 15 times rule.

My now adult daughter has thanked me many times, as although she has her dislikes, she can make a stab at eating virtually anything in a social setting, which has helped her.

MushMonster · 15/07/2021 21:42

Overthinking OP. Just grab seconds if you liked it! Sorted Smile

feb2022 · 15/07/2021 21:43

I'd deffo just eat the food, probably 3rds too!

TreeSmuggler · 15/07/2021 22:11

Hmm I know what you mean OP. My mum always does this, and it is a little annoyong/baffling. She serves up one slice of meat, half a potato and a spoon of peas per person, then says "theres some left if anyone can manage more", in a tone implying no normal person possibly could.