AIBU to think that when offering seconds at dinner...

[ElevenBenevolentElephants]

and the host has plated it up and served it, and then at the end, they shouldn't word it: there's more xxx, if anyone can manage any more?"

but more like: "there's more xxx, would anyone like some?"

reason why i think it is U? because the first one is implying that "how could anyone possibly manage any more dinner after this plate of food? only fat bastards that's who "

Was it a massive portion?
Maybe they wanted to keep some and were hoping you'd all go oh no couldn't possibly.

@Bimblybomeyelash

Nope. It allows people to say “oh I’m too full thanks” rather than feeling bad for saying “no I don’t want any”.

This is true. Much politer to say "no thanks, you're meal was lovely and I'm full" than "no thanks, it was shit"

Host thinking “gosh what if people don’t want seconds? They probably hate my cooking”
Guest thinking “Food is gorgeous, but I probably shouldn’t take seconds. They’ll think I’m greedy and fat”

End of day
Host “ no one liked my food, they didn’t take seconds”
Guest “I’m still hungry, I’d have loved to have more but didn’t want to come across as greedy”

😂

I bet it was MIL/SIL who said it

Yabvu OP.
I know a few people like this who find offence in the smallest things that people say, it’s really hard to be around, you always feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

If your host had produced world class roast potatoes the answer will always be YES, regardless of how it was phrased.

the food was top notch - and i did say so. but as (apparently) no one else was gonna say yes - i didn't want to be that one person. but maybe i just need to be the first one and others would have followed lol the portions were good, and not polite for sure.

Absolutely batshit mental.

I'd think they were being modest about their cooking or that they wanted to keep the leftovers for themselves but felt they had to ask out of politeness.

I do think it sounds a little awkward, personally. I wouldn't phrase it that way, myself, but if I wanted more and it was offered that way, I wouldn't have a problem speaking up. I don't care if they think I'm greedy!

I love seconds particularly if the meal is lovely.

People eat 3rds at mine, but my food is really super.
😙
I love it when I see people going back for more.

All food is always served up on the table so people can help themselves so there isn't an issue.

Let me guess - you're a fat bastard and the hostess is thin OP?
🤣🤣🤣

It’s a turn of phrase, not a preemptive attack on your figure or character.

I literally can't fathom how anyone would even notice a difference between those two phrases

I really couldn’t have extracted such complex nuances from an innocuous statement
Unless you have eating issues or an etiquette freak I can’t see the issue with either of the statements

As a pp poster has said, phrasing it like this just makes it a non issue if you want to refuse.

This is massive over thinking!

You're hair splitting, nobody would think the host would be meaning anything other than, "There's more, please enjoy".

Over thinking

FFS maybe people just shouldn't speak to each other at all ever and then nobody could get offended by anything anyone says.

It really is a bloody minefield it seems that people just look for reasons to be offended by everyone and everything.

“if anyone can manage any more”
Well I wouldn’t think anything of it but as you post made me think I can see it both ways.
Marginally think it would be suggesting it was so good or we had an obligation to finish it anyway that anyone with room left should be begging for more.

@DappledThings

The dirty bum one?

Though I see what you mean in principle, and, yes, it would be better to say the second way ideally, I think what was said was meant in an entirely jovial, conversational manner with no hint of judgement.

If anything, I think it may have been politely self-deprecating.

I hate people who plate food, but you could translate the 1st one as:

if you are too full, I won't be offended if you decline more!

I get where you are coming from but I'm a bit weird with food! They didn't say anything wrong so YABU.

@ElevenBenevolentElephants

and the host has plated it up and served it, and then at the end, they shouldn't word it: there's more xxx, if anyone can manage any more?"

but more like: "there's more xxx, would anyone like some?"

reason why i think it is U? because the first one is implying that "how could anyone possibly manage any more dinner after this plate of food? only fat bastards that's who "

Do you really dislike the person who said this, OP?