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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downsizing and now questioning our decision

92 replies

ALbigbump · 14/07/2021 20:19

Hi, please can someone give me a handhold? Bought our lovely house with a huge garden and substantial mortgage a few years back when our dc was in year 2. As it’s in a small village around 4 miles from town/highschool, the plan was always to move close to town when the time came, around year 6 ready for the highschool and to downsize at the same time as we’d be in our late 40s and would like more disposable income and the freedom that a small mortgage brings. We’ve also had the stress of DH having periods of unemployment and furlough in the past year, so our finances have taken a hit. It’s nearly 4 years since we bought the house, which we’ve now sold, and found the house that ticks the boxes on the doorstep of high school, but am now struggling to get past the idea of downsizing to a busy cul de sac overlooking neighbouring gardens, from a lovely looking house with huge garden, quiet lane with views of fields! I’m doing DH’s head in. I just feel so torn! Has anyone done similar and not looked back? Or done it and is full of regret?

OP posts:

mrsmoppp · 14/07/2021 20:21

I personally wouldn't downsize. I've found as my kids have got older we need more space. They have friends round and as they get older you just need more of your own space away from each other.

LittleBearPad · 14/07/2021 20:23

It seems very early to downsize. I think I’d want more space with a teenager not less.

superstar84 · 14/07/2021 20:23

I wouldn't move

TwoleftUggs · 14/07/2021 20:25

Why would you downsize just at the child’s age when I would have thought you would wanted more space?
However if it’s necessary then I think the benefit of being in or near to the town will be great as your child gets older and wants to hang out with friends. Better than being in the sticks.

TrixieThunder · 14/07/2021 20:26

I would stay were you are. It’s a hassle for the commute but I think you’ll be kicking yourself a year or two thinking about all the space you had.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 14/07/2021 20:26

Your teenager will not be interested in your huge back garden, believe me, unless there is literally nothing else to do. I doubt my 17 year old has set foot past the patio of our largish back garden for the past 4 years.

But really is a busy cul de sac your only option? That doesn't sound all that appealing.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2021 20:26

I wouldn't be downsizing with a child still at home, especially for the teenage years and if they might be at home for a bit after uni.

DinosaurDiana · 14/07/2021 20:27

Don’t do it, you’re feeling this way for a reason.

notangelinajolie · 14/07/2021 20:28

Stay where you are. Downsizing is hard and it doesn't sound like your heart is in it.

FrownedUpon · 14/07/2021 20:32

I couldn’t move to an overlooked, busy area after being used to a quiet detached house. You really might hate it & struggle with the noise. I’d stay where you are.

LittleBearPad · 14/07/2021 20:32

@Chicchicchicchiclana

But really is a busy cul de sac your only option? That doesn't sound all that appealing.

No but the OP sounds like she is. It’s not all about the DC.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/07/2021 20:34

I don’t think you’re ready. Wait a bit.

Kitkat151 · 14/07/2021 20:36

Don’t do it...far too soon to think about down sizing...wait until your child leaves home

crimsonlake · 14/07/2021 20:38

I moved from a large detached with a huge private back garden in a lovely area to a semi in what turns out to be a busy area. I had no choice due to divorce, but it has taken me three years to get used to living with neighbours noise and gardens all bunched together.
I think it is a difficult one, if you do go ahead be prepared for it to take a long while to mentally come to terms with it.

XingMing · 14/07/2021 20:38

I think it might be a slightly premature decision, but in the longer term, I suspect you won't have many regrets. You will have longer to make local friends; your children will thank you (no, probably not, kids don't) when they can walk most places they want to go to. But on the flip side, most people with teenage children actually need as much space as possible during the late teen years. If you are semi-rural, I think teaching them to drive at 17 is one of the best things you could do for them.

LublinToDublin · 14/07/2021 20:38

What boxes did the bungalow tick? Because it doesn't sound like it's a good match.
I do think convenience to school is a positive but not at the expense of enjoying where you live.

Could you rent out your current house and rent in town for a while to test the waters?

MauveMavis · 14/07/2021 20:39

Hmm. My experience is that with teenagers you need more house space but also easy access to public transport/ their friends!

Your willingness to be parent taxi should feed into this decision making.

But i agree with the others that your child won't be interested in the size of the garden.

My parents stayed in leafy suburbia. As a teen I bloody hated it. There was a limited bus service and my parents restricted use of the cars as they were worried about me drink driving (I wouldn't have).

It was only during lockdown last year when I spent a lot of the time in the house & garden (and could drive and had a car!) that I came to appreciate the location (and space in the house). My usual home is a small flat within walking distance of the city centre.

FlorenceWintle · 14/07/2021 20:39

Stay where you are but the trade-off will be having to be a taxi service for your teen. Are you willing to do that?

FaceyRomford · 14/07/2021 20:42

To all those telling OP not to downsize, her post says she's already sold!

Hankunamatata · 14/07/2021 20:45

We are looking to upside and move nearer the high school for the same reason. Do you have to downsize?

LublinToDublin · 14/07/2021 20:45

To all those telling OP not to downsize, her post says she's already sold!

I took OP to mean they have accepted an offer n the house and have found the house they could move to.

LublinToDublin · 14/07/2021 20:46

No idea why I called it a bungalow up thread

Original poster

ALbigbump · 14/07/2021 20:47

Thanks so much for your replies, I think moving to town would be better for ds socially as there are no kids near us where we are and I’m always having to arrange to have friends over for him or he’ll want to spend all of his time playing fortnite otherwise! Options are limited in terms of buying as we are in a rural/market town area and demand for houses has sky rocketed since lockdown! Thanks though, going to give it more thought

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 14/07/2021 20:48

I'm actually about to downsize at the moment. I've just sold my house and found a slightly smaller house that I love, but I'm on my own and retired, I'm not sure I could have downsized when I still had family at home.

I've hunted high and low to find something that I love and I'm leaving a house and area that I'm done with - nothing wrong with the house I've sold it's just no longer what I want.

From the sound of it you're feeling the opposite.

You still want to live in the house and area you're leaving, which will make it very difficult to settle for anything else, especially something you don't really like, let alone love.

I suspect you'll always be hankering after the house you've left.

Aprilx · 14/07/2021 20:48

@FaceyRomford

To all those telling OP not to downsize, her post says she's already sold!

Well she doesn’t appear to have bought the new property yet so maybe sold STC and therefore still time to back out.

OP, I think it is too soon to downsize too. Downsizing is part of my longer term financial plans, I am older than you and don’t have children, but I still think it is a bit too soon to downsize just yet and will be waiting until a bit nearer retirement age.

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