Downsizing and now questioning our decision

[ALbigbump]

Hi, please can someone give me a handhold? Bought our lovely house with a huge garden and substantial mortgage a few years back when our dc was in year 2. As it’s in a small village around 4 miles from town/highschool, the plan was always to move close to town when the time came, around year 6 ready for the highschool and to downsize at the same time as we’d be in our late 40s and would like more disposable income and the freedom that a small mortgage brings. We’ve also had the stress of DH having periods of unemployment and furlough in the past year, so our finances have taken a hit. It’s nearly 4 years since we bought the house, which we’ve now sold, and found the house that ticks the boxes on the doorstep of high school, but am now struggling to get past the idea of downsizing to a busy cul de sac overlooking neighbouring gardens, from a lovely looking house with huge garden, quiet lane with views of fields! I’m doing DH’s head in. I just feel so torn! Has anyone done similar and not looked back? Or done it and is full of regret?

Don't do it.

I think it will be hard OP and you must be ruthless with getting rid of things. But I also think it sounds like a really good opportunity to change the way you live and that compromise may well be worth it. The extra holidays, the disposable cash, the walking distance to town will all make up for leaving your current home and the extra space.
I didn't know how much We would benefit from living walking distance to town until We moved to our current house. As DSS gets older it's clear how much he enjoys the freedom too.

Good luck with your choices

Op when I read your first post I thought 'no way, don't do it' but as I've read your thread I can see how compelling the move into town must be for you.

I think if you pulled out you'd be momentarily relieved but the grievances you have with your current house would creep back in and you might start regretting not moving now.

Leaving any home is usually very difficult and it's very normal to be having doubts. But just go! Life will be different but equally good. Taking financial pressure off is a major plus. You will be able to walk to shops etc which is a lovely feeling after country living. Its easier to turn a small space into a gorgeous cosy patch than dealing with huge tasks in a large garden especially as your ds will not care less. So have a vision for a beautiful small space. No issues with getting to school or meeting friends. Say a fond farewell to your present home and prepare to embrace the different but equally nice life ahead. It will be fine.

I think it's a really sensible decision. You sound over-stretched financially in the new place, and honestly your reaction to being overlooked etc is only because you're so used to being in an unusually quiet place. How busy can a cul-de-sac realistically be?? They're famed for being quiet/safe/dull! Honestly I can see why people are saying stay because of course your current house sounds lovely, but financial security means a lot, you'll be glad of more in your pocket and easier access to people and places. It's normal to have wobbles and to miss what you're leaving behind, but look forward to the new stuff and just see it as a positive forward move, not as downsizing with all the 'giving up' negative connotations that inevitably conjures. Good luck with it!

*overstretched in the old place

Reducing mortgage to a quarter of what it currently is.

That will be amazing!

It’s a big decision, we have recently downsized & relocated, however our circumstances where different.

Both of our DS’ had finished education, we decided to move to help with my disability too. We don’t have any regrets, moved from a very large 5 bed detached to a 3 double bed bungalow. We have a very private, not overlooked garden, that was high up on our wish list, and not easy to find, so I completely understand why that would be of concern.

Only you can decide if this is the right time for you. Good luck with your decision, I hope whatever you decide works out well for you.

I think your reasons for moving make a lot of sense, but it's normal to get cold feet. I get cold feet about just about everything, once I've committed to doing it, even for decisions that have been thought about and debated for months. Feel the fear and do it anyway OP, that would be advice. Your DS will love being able to walk to school, walk into town, have some freedom, and the savings, lack of work stress and nice hols you'll be able to afford will make it worth it for you and your DH.

I think you've made a very sensible decision OP with well thought out reasons. It's easy to let emotion get in the way with respect to houses, but it's wiser to remember that your home is what you make it.

You'll probably grow to enjoy your new house more when you've had a chance to make it home like you did with the previous one, with the added bonus of being where you need to be for your circumstances. The time you save in commutes to school and ease of visiting friends alone will make a huge difference, never mind the big drop in your outgoings.

Look forward not back...

OP just to add to my PP, we had lived in our house for nearly 18 years, I didn’t have one time, during the moving process, wondering if we were making the right decision, I didn’t feel any sadness when we left the house, I knew it was right for us. Whatever you do, if you are unsure, don’t go ahead with the s&p just because you don’t want to let others down. But I think you need to make a decision soon. Good luck.

There are swings and roundabouts with many a decision. I downsized for different reasons to yours. Do I regret it? Not in a major way but there are little niggles which I think are inevitable - at least for me. I've never lived in a perfect house in a perfect place but I try to make the best of things.

I think this actually sounds really sensible.

I think some earlier posters have missed that you’ve said you’re not losing bedroom/reception rooms - they’re just smaller - and you’re a bit stretched on the mortgage at the moment. The new location sounds really teen-friendly. Also more options for you to pop out for drinks/dinner/whatever when you have some more freedom yourself! And now is probably a good time financially to move less rural as all the market demand is in the other direction.

Admittedly I am more of a city person than a country person but I don’t think you’ll regret it.

Wow I’m overwhelmed with the responses, feeling a bit better about it now thanks so much everyone for taking the time to reply x

Your reasons for down sizing are sound but I would re think your wish list for the new house.

You only just realising some of the things you took for granted at your old home are really important to make you happy.

Divide your list into

Must have (secluded garden/views over open country, three bedrooms, parking on bus route to school??)
Should ideally have - walking distance to school ???
Could have
Nice to have

You might need to move further out to find a cheaper house that meets your non negotiable criteria

Hello again, I just wanted to update you lovely wise folk that we pulled out of the purchase. (Feel so shitty about it!) our first choice came back on the market. We offered just to test the waters and they accepted. It’s not as drastic a downsize as the previous place, and instead of quartering the mortgage we are halving it, but it feels so much better! Thanks again x

Ah that sounds like you’ve made the best move for yourselves @ALbigbump