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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working from home is shit if you're a mum

90 replies

gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:52

My dh is employed therefore he has to be at his laptop, in peace and quiet (because he periodically takes calls throughout the day) dead on 8 until 5.

Me on the other hand, I work for myself, I have to be upstairs stuck in the bedroom with my ds7 (we share a room right now as have 2 teens and can't afford to move just yet) with the door closed. It's a Fucking nightmare.

I get that it's hard for young kids to occupy themselves, dh knowing I'm struggling spent his dedicated lunch break playing with ds but from the moment I wake up til the moment I go to bed someone here needs me for something and my work is just put on the back burner.

If I lost my business we would lose all our luxuries, dh wages alone don't cover our bills so I need to work yet my work is at the bottom of everyone's priority list.

Ds keeps asking 'when will you finish, look at me catch this ball, I just got a blah blah on this game, where's this, where's that, when's lunch, I'm hungry' etc and as kids do... fine... but I just feel like such a shit mum all time and no matter what I do.

I try and work, my kids don't get attention
I don't bother fighting to work, and they don't get fed

Pisses me off going to downstairs and seeing Dh sitting in peace and quiet

And then later he'll be moaning my business is flopping

Can't win and can't help but think it's because I have a sodding vagina

OP posts:
Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:54

Should have stuffed working for myself and got a job. Much easier

OP posts:
Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:54

Not easy either though is it. It's bloody hard being a mum

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 14/07/2021 13:54

What? You and your 7 year old spend all day in your bedroom with the door shut - have
I understood correctly?

Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:55

It's a thankless, guilt trip basically

OP posts:
Popcornbetty · 14/07/2021 13:56

Lots of questions op…why is you child not at school? If you were out at the office where would dc be? Can you pay a childminder?

Anoisagusaris · 14/07/2021 13:56

Your arrangement is crap but has nothing to do with being a mum.

Popcornbetty · 14/07/2021 13:57

your*

popcorndiva · 14/07/2021 13:58

Why is your 7 year old at home all day? Can your DH not go back to the office now or if this is a permanent arrangement then you need to look at him working somewhere else as it's not working

Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:58

@ProfessorInkling

What? You and your 7 year old spend all day in your bedroom with the door shut - have I understood correctly?
Pretty much. Except for going downstairs for lunch etc

He's bored. I need to work but struggling.

we have a small house and other than the kitchen there's nowhere else he can be. Can't go in the front room as dh is In there.

I have one dc with covid atm too so we can't even get out and walk, it's totally shit and oppressive. Even more so for my ds. He's such a good boy and deserves better tbh.

But what am I supposed to do?

My only option is to spend all day with ds7 and either get up at 3am to work until he wakes up at 7 or to work after he's in bed and go to sleep myself in early hours

OP posts:
LakeShoreD · 14/07/2021 13:58

Absolutely you have a serious DH problem. It doesn’t sound like he respects you or your work. But why do you have a 7 year old at home whilst you’re both working? If they’ve broken up from school then they need to be in a holiday camp.

Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 13:59

@popcorndiva

Why is your 7 year old at home all day? Can your DH not go back to the office now or if this is a permanent arrangement then you need to look at him working somewhere else as it's not working
We're isolating right now. It's a breeze for dh and totally shit for me
OP posts:
RobinPenguins · 14/07/2021 13:59

Wfh is completely shit for any parent whose child is at home with them and it’s pretty shit for the child too. Is there a particular reason school/childcare isn’t available to you at the moment, is your DS isolating?

ProfessorInkling · 14/07/2021 14:00

DH needs to work elsewhere
DS needs school or childcare

There is just no way that this can be your only option.

RobinPenguins · 14/07/2021 14:00

Just seen you’re isolating. I’m sorry, it sucks, had to do it with 3 year old again recently.

ProfessorInkling · 14/07/2021 14:00

Is this a temporary situation because you are all isolating?

Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 14:00

@LakeShoreD

Absolutely you have a serious DH problem. It doesn’t sound like he respects you or your work. But why do you have a 7 year old at home whilst you’re both working? If they’ve broken up from school then they need to be in a holiday camp.
Dh is employed, can't see what else he can do. If he doesn't work he gets sacked

He's not perfect by any stretch but I know he knows it's hard for me.

It's noones fault really. It's just shite and i need to find a happy medium before school holidays too really

OP posts:
Popcornbetty · 14/07/2021 14:00

Ah so are you in insolation with the covid? I see. Can you pay a child minder for the summer hols? Is there any summer camps attached to your ds’s school?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 14/07/2021 14:01

Why can’t your husband look after your children from 5pm and you work then? It would be no different to having a shift working job for child care reasons.

Comedycook · 14/07/2021 14:01

Can your dh work in the bedroom? And you and your kids have the rest of the house? You cannot sit all day in one room with a seven year old. That's like torture. Do you have a garden?

MattHancocksSexTape · 14/07/2021 14:01

Why are you and DC trapped in one room and DH has downstairs? Why not swap this around, so DH has the bedroom and your DC can leave the bedroom?!

girlmom21 · 14/07/2021 14:01

If you're isolating why is DH at work?

Themadcatparade · 14/07/2021 14:02

Yep 💯

I do not work for myself but I still do the school runs and pick ups and kind of have to work my hours around my Dd. Which includes getting home from morning school run and picking up after her (clothes in basket, washing up after breakfast) before I get back in to work. And after school it’s ‘mum I’m hungry, mum I’m bored, when are you finishing work?’

When my partner drops the girls off at school the office day, it’s me who starts at 7.30am (he drops off and drives in to work to start later) but then again I’m constantly urging the kids to eat/get dressed/get teeth sorted/hair/shoes/bags because he is getting himself ready.

Don’t get me wrong I love working from home but the idea that it is easier is certainly not true. In some ways it impacts work massively and as much as you have more ‘time’ due to not travelling etc you have double the work at home to tackle.

Popcornbetty · 14/07/2021 14:02

@girlmom21 op said her dh works from home in the living room.

Original poster
gigglybum · 14/07/2021 14:02

@RobinPenguins

Wfh is completely shit for any parent whose child is at home with them and it’s pretty shit for the child too. Is there a particular reason school/childcare isn’t available to you at the moment, is your DS isolating?
Yeah I get that... not for my dh though. We all creep around him making sure he's not disturbed, he does bring me up coffees but by the end of the day I get a migraine

I think I'm going to cut my losses and play with ds. Feel so bad for him having to occupy himself for hours and tbh it's fruitless in regards to my work anyway. I'll just have to work evenings and try and get as much done as I can

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/07/2021 14:02

Oh sorry, he's not...

Surely the simple solution is he does his share of childcare so you can both work sustainable jobs?