Working from home is shit if you're a mum

[gigglybum]

My dh is employed therefore he has to be at his laptop, in peace and quiet (because he periodically takes calls throughout the day) dead on 8 until 5.

Me on the other hand, I work for myself, I have to be upstairs stuck in the bedroom with my ds7 (we share a room right now as have 2 teens and can't afford to move just yet) with the door closed. It's a Fucking nightmare.

I get that it's hard for young kids to occupy themselves, dh knowing I'm struggling spent his dedicated lunch break playing with ds but from the moment I wake up til the moment I go to bed someone here needs me for something and my work is just put on the back burner.

If I lost my business we would lose all our luxuries, dh wages alone don't cover our bills so I need to work yet my work is at the bottom of everyone's priority list.

Ds keeps asking 'when will you finish, look at me catch this ball, I just got a blah blah on this game, where's this, where's that, when's lunch, I'm hungry' etc and as kids do... fine... but I just feel like such a shit mum all time and no matter what I do.

I try and work, my kids don't get attention
I don't bother fighting to work, and they don't get fed

Pisses me off going to downstairs and seeing Dh sitting in peace and quiet

And then later he'll be moaning my business is flopping

Can't win and can't help but think it's because I have a sodding vagina

Hey, newt to do with being a mum, don't know any mums that do this.
It's your rubbish dh that's the problem.
Id your ds not his? Can he spend more time with his dad?

Wfh when you have children is impossible if you ask me. Throw in homeschooling and it's a complete nightmare. I think I'm still recovering from trying to do both in lockdown so I hear you OP. It's tough and it's not something we could've ever been prepared for. Can you do some work at weekends? Would your partner be able to help then?

Thank you all for the responses. It's true it is a dh problem.

I went outside with ds and played football and we did a bit of gardening so he's ended up having a nicer afternoon than he did morning.

Spoke to dh and asked him if he would would work upstairs tomorrow and I would be on kid patrol, lunch and breakfast and then after work if he could do dinner and be on kiddie patrol while I work. He's agreed without question however a bit of joking about how I'm running a sweat shop 🙄

But he's happily cooking us all dinner now and I'm working. It's only temporary until Friday but we may end up in isolation again so it'll be good to have a system ready for if that happens.

@Couchbettato

Why does your husband need to work in the front room?

Cant he make an office in the bedroom like almost every one else working from home?

I think it's because I always work from home anyway and my office space is in our bedroom so it just kinda stayed that way if you see what I mean. But yeah the last lockdown it ended up with him in the bedroom... glad to see the back of him when he went back to work haha

"And then later he'll be moaning my business is flopping"

At which point I would rip him a new one. He's got eyes, he can see what you're having to do, and he must be aware there are still only 24 hours in a day. His first moan would be his last.

Ds is happy sharing and has a little closed of section of the room for privacy and he has his toys, Xbox etc so it wouldn't work too well if dh was in here instead of me... actually it could as ds can be quiet for dh when he's on calls Move DS's toys/xbox etc downstairs and your partner can spend his day in the bedroom.

Your partner can spend his lunch making lunch for everyone with your son. When he finishes at 5 he can take your son so you can do your work.

Sorry, X post.

He's agreed without question however a bit of joking about how I'm running a sweat shop He's an arsehole hiding behind a "joke".

@WaterOffADucksCrack

Sorry, X post.

He's agreed without question however a bit of joking about how I'm running a sweat shop He's an arsehole hiding behind a "joke".

Yea, that about sums it up alright.

OP, mind yourself.

My DP works 09:00 - 17:30.
On the days where we have the children he works from home.
He works in an industry not famed for flexibility or perks. In fact he works in an industry with a call centre attached and if he is timed out for too long, it gets picked up.
He works through lunch to collect them from school leaving at 2.45 returning at 3.30.
He then settles them; and puts up with requests for ‘mods, chargers, snacks, daddy come and see what I’ve done’ and any other trivial kid crap.

When they were at home in lockdown, he did an hour of homeschool on lunch break, as did I, on my different lunch break.

You don’t have a child problem.
You don’t have a work problem.
You have a husband who sees his work as more important than your own and his kids as an inconvenience.

Something has to give

Did I read right that your dp had a gaming PC? Is that set up at a desk somewhere?

So this is just for ten days? Sounds shit but you’ll have to suck it up sadly!

Wfh as a mum allows me to actually have a job and I love it. Cutting out commuting means I can have a life and a job. I love it

Tbh I'm wfh all next week with an 11 yo and 6 yo. Tv, garden and ipad? Keep popping downstairs etc she's no bother

This is bonkers. You and your dh need to both have quiet working spaces. And your 7 year old can watch tv alllll day long and eat snacks. It's not ideal, but it's how we survived 8 months of dc at home this year, the first time with a 2 year old too.

But realistically, everyone's employer has to be flexible with self-isolation now because we have to do it. If your dh can't wfh while you're all self-isolating, can he not just take AL or parental leave? Or just do his best with interruptions like everyone else? All the men on my teams have been having kids pop in on meetings for a year. No one cares. We all just have to get on with it.

In our situation, dh who is the self-employed one of us gets priority for working time during lockdown/self-isolating/sickness. Because if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid - just like you. I, on on the other hand, being employed get lots of paid leave, and can also take parental leave if I needed it. Better for the employed parent to take time off (if someone needs to) because that's the benefit of having an employer who pays you regardless.

That said, I shove my 8 year old in the lounge and she just watches Netflix all day. Because that's what we have to do for me to be able to work. My 3 year old was self-isolating on Monday waiting on COVID tests and even he watched tv all day with me sitting next to him at my desk working. Sometimes it's just what you have to do!

Ask DH to take parental leave to allow you to work.