DD1 and friends coping with poverty in SA

[Allington]

They struggle daily for safety. And for some people food, let alone somewhere safe to live. Even a proper (I.e. Bullet proof) house often has an outside toilet with a tap to wash your hands

@Crabbypaddy

I can’t believe you’re comparing your excessive sweating to racial prejudice, honestly love mumsnet for shit like this haha

Yep, this illustrates the issue perfectly...

@Blowingagale

As a British woman with no SA links I cannot offer practical support on the ground. Are there any registered charities that you feel are working on the ground that I could support that will improve the lives of black South African people?

Yabonga in Cape Town does a lot of good work, if you want to take a look at their website.

Elim night shelter (don't know if they have a website).

Bethuriel.co.za - are truly making a difference though of course the nature of their work is difficult, messy and doesn't have glossy outcomes. I was impressed by the manager saying (I stopped off for a coffee) that his biggest 'success' of the past year was a young man who had completed his secondary education, was working in a supermarket, not abusing substances, reconciled with his parents who had neglected him to the point he was removed and grew up in a children's home. Because of the children who were DD1's friends and peers in the children's home, so many are dead already from gang violence, substance abuse, or not complying with treatment for HIV. A handful completed their secondary education, which at least opens up basic level jobs. Further education costs money and is out of reach for most, even if they get their secondary qualifications.

I support a friend who has been involved in some communities near her for over 20 years, including fostering a number of children. FASD is all too common. She supports several women who run informal feeding schemes in their local communities plus many other initiatives. She knows those communities and the people in them who are genuinely helping but will never be a registered charity. One woman recently had an award from the City of CPT for her community work - which has never received any funding from the city, but she daily feeds dozens of families. I would be happy to put you in touch privately, but of course this is a recommendation from a random stranger on the internet. But my friend would be happy to answer any questions about the people she recommends.

I have also supported the high school that some of DDs friends went to. They house their Matric students over the exam period (mattresses on the floors of the classrooms). Because that is the only way to ensure those young people are fed, have time to study, and are safe. That costs money the school doesn't have, and it is provided largely by the teachers themselves, who have their own families to support.

And I think the Peninsula School Feeding Scheme 'does what it says on the tin' so to speak. But don't know anyone working there to get the inside story - I haven't heard anything negative about it.

I was married to a South African
Been to SA more times than I care to remember
I liked his family and got on well with my in laws (still do actually)
BUT

I don’t like the country
I don’t think there is any other English speaking country that the UK is more different to and the people less similar in terms of culture, humour etc

As for racism, what is so appalling if that so many truly think they aren’t racist simply because they genuinely do think the apartheid was heinous.

It’s as though because they think something truly and genuinely ghastly is bad - that doesn’t mean they’re racist.

When infact the massive and overwhelming majority are. The ingrained belief that black peoples ARE inherently inferior. And the way they see “looking after” black people are somehow being the way forward rather than actually, you know, levelling the playing field, says it all.

I don’t think I will ever return.

Even a proper (I.e. Bullet proof) house often has an outside toilet with a tap to wash your hands

Don’t get me wrong, I think the situation in entirety is appalling but you are not doing yourself any favours calling out particular stuff like this.

Outside toilets, outside basic washing facilities (if at all) and outside laundry wash tubs were the norm here until I was in my 20’s. One place I was in for a while didn’t even have a basic outdoor wash facility, it seemingly hadn’t been updated from when there were portable baths you brought in to the living room and filled with hot water. So outdoor toilet and that was it. If you were really lucky the outdoor toilet was actually plumbed in as many were still the pan system where the ‘dunny man’ came once a week to empty it (in a hot country with lots of flies….). I wouldn’t say ‘at least it was safe’ either as the outdoor toilet was a favourite spot for dangerous snakes that could kill you, as they were in shade/cooler in summer and warmer in winter and snakes don’t seem to have noses. Often you would need to take a shovel with you in case you had to dispatch one in order to do your business. I won’t mention the killer spiders that also loved to make their home under the toilet seat. I have always been a privileged white person in a first world country and this stuff was the norm for the first third of my life!

Because DD1, whatever her challenges, is incredibly privileged by having a white adoptive mum

You what now?
Are you a white adoptive mum to a black daughter?
If so _ apologies if not - are you actually trumpeting this as a privilege to her?

www.facebook.com/nowhitesaviors/?ref=page_internal

@ChargingBuck
We've moved on a bit since she made that first post. The OP has been explaining a little over these 5 pages and it's quite interesting to read.

This has been quite interesting to read.

The racism on the other thread is hard to cop. Claiming that nobody hears about violence against white people (nonsense) or even just those who claim they left because they were ‘devastated’ by the violence in recent years (they of course mean violence against white people, although how they heard about it is unclear as they claim there was media silence)….but had stayed quite cheerfully through the roaring inequity and of course the Apartheid from which they benefited. It only became devastating, unacceptable, unliveable when it affected them.

Don’t have to do more than scratch the surface to find a racist on those threads.

@LegoCaltrops

I recommend reading the book, "When she was white"

It's a true story about Sanny Lang who had white parents but when she got to school the headmaster had other ideas.

It goes through her 'reclassification' as 'Coloured', 'White' and I think 'Black' according to the ever changing rules of Apartheid.

The end of the book is post Apartheid and gives some insight as to the mindset of some (maybe most) white South Africans eg a man who didn't like the idea that he had to wash his hands in the same basin as a black person, but when asked who was OK with using the sink at home a black person cleaned.

For anyone who thinks SA is well past racism, it isn't. People couldn't suddenly move to an affluent (previously white) area or get a new job.

To send your child to school you have to pay fees unless you are poor, so schools that were previously whites only are still used by parents in affluent areas, the schools in the poor areas have no financial support from parents and therefore are badly resourced.

Class sizes vary from 30 - 50 students a class, and if you can't afford a trained teacher you employ an untrained one.

The advantages the OPs daughters have with a white parent, well to start they probably have underwear, bought new for them. In case you are wondering about periods, try holding a pad between your thighs with no pants.

Underwear is is a luxury to many. I once arranged for donated bras to go to SA, SA airlines took them free of charge. In this case they went to a names children's home.

You cannot do this now because businesses in the UK were taking donations of clothes and selling them as unseen bundles and basically dumping them.

I’m the interest of fairness I think that is the point that Allington is trying to make - albeit badly

That only now the white population is being affected has it become “newsworthy”, she is trying to point out what life is like generally for black SA. I think the issue is she should have started her thread rather than derail the other one.

Also her posting style is difficult to follow

@MissTrip82 When people say they left because of violence it’s usually because they have personally experienced something horrific. My family moved to the UK after my aunt and uncle were murdered in their beds. My aunt was violently raped by more than one person before her throat was slit. Her little boy, my cousin, was hiding in the cupboard and heard everything. My brothers are still there. One of them was attacked in his home and stabbed 8 times, it is a miracle he survived. One of my teachers from primary school was shot in the head in a hijacking. An old lady a few doors down from us was attacked in her home in the middle of the day. She was repeatedly raped and her dogs were drowned in the bath. My house was broken into while we were sleeping at least 6 times. We’ve had numerous cars stolen, my mother was mugged and assaulted, I can go on and on and on..

These are just my stories. If you speak to ANY South African, black or white, they will have many stories of their own to tell. Saying I left because of violence doesn’t make me a racist. We left because we were scared.

@TrixieLou I'm sorry for everything that's happened to your family and thank you for being so honest. Not many people realise the reality of living in SA.

We had to move for similar reasons, we knew people who had been killed and had too many close calls to want to stay.

I don't think anyone that leaves can be blamed for leaving. Everyone would if they could. To say no one else should because others others can't is wrong.

@TrixieLou that is horrific .

I left SA in the late 90s, so (luckily) never got to witness first hand any of the violence. The little town I lived in is now unrecognisable and two families we know were murdered, the surviving members have moved to the UK.

@MissTrip82 Calling people racists because they left the country due to violence against them is unfair. They were scared, they are scared. My mum has a go bag ready as there are real threats of people burning down homes. A couple nights ago I had to try to keep her calm on the phone while she heard people shouting outside her window, saying they were going to kill Indian men, rape Indian women and torture Indian children. She and countless others are currently being threatened and want to flee - does that make her a racist?

Spot on to those who recognized that the issue is those who 'hurt' when the violence affects white people, but manage to get on with their lives perfectly happily the rest of the time.

You can take your attitude and bugger off OP. I am in my late 30s, so I was the first generation that grew up with black children in our schools and lives. I never knew what apartheid was, at the age of 4 I was never exposed to it. All I knew was that I had all sorts of friends of all different colours who played at my house and who I shared my pencils with at school. It didn’t matter.
My parents however, grew up in the apartheid era. When they were at university, they marched in protest against the fact that their university wouldn’t allow black students in. My father went into the townships and brought young children to our home as he coached them in sport, as we grew, they built two of our domestic workers homes and put three of their children through school and university. My mother has always collected clothes and shoes etc to give to a black lady she know so that she can them in her spaza shop and make money. My dad has done pro bono work for black people, even walking down to the courthouse to offer his services, and making great friends in the process.

Why have they done this all their lives?! Not because they want to be “white saviours” (I detest that term!) but because they are kind, generous, beautiful people who love and want to serve and help others.

Tonight they sleep with a gun next to their bed.

Don’t you DARE tell me that white people are only concerned NOW because it’s affecting them. My parents have been concerned all their lives and have done so much to better ANYONE’S life they have come across. Black, white or coloured.

Black, white and others are afraid of the violence in some cities in South Africa. It affects everybody. I've worked with people from there who wanted to settle in the UK.