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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD1 and friends coping with poverty in SA

118 replies

Allington · 13/07/2021 14:38

They struggle daily for safety. And for some people food, let alone somewhere safe to live. Even a proper (I.e. Bullet proof) house often has an outside toilet with a tap to wash your hands

OP posts:
Seesawmummadaw · 13/07/2021 17:25

Are you okay hun?

beastlyslumber · 13/07/2021 17:27

OP you sound like a racist who has no care for the black people who are fearing for their lives right now in SA, simply because white people are also suffering. You are ready to throw black people under the bus in order to protect your image of yourself as the most enlightened white person. It is unbelievably entitled and callous behaviour from you.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/07/2021 17:33

Wow. I've just read that other thread and the situation is awful. Sadly OP your hectoring approach is doing nothing other than cause offence.

FlyingBattie · 13/07/2021 17:36

@quizqueen

People live in poverty everywhere, yet they still keep producing children.
Richer countries have lower birth rates, generally. So clearly the issue is multi-layered, and includes public health, education and choices for women, as a bare minimum.
captainjacksparrow · 13/07/2021 17:36

This is hilarious. You were so disruptive on the other thread and yet on yours you won’t reply to anyone...

AnoymousCoward · 13/07/2021 17:41

@quizqueen

People live in poverty everywhere, yet they still keep producing children.
You do realise that SA has one of the highest rates of rape in the world?
veganmayo · 13/07/2021 17:43

I detect white saviourism.

Snookie00 · 13/07/2021 17:45

Ah the white saviour is here to tell us all about how she knows more about SA than anyone else because she adopted black children and has some black friends. Kinda arrogant to pontificate about a situation and try to play top trumps vicariously when people are worried about their families.

Coyoacan · 13/07/2021 17:55

People live in poverty everywhere, yet they still keep producing children

Do you honestly believe that poor people have huge families or just that they shouldn't have any children at all?

I live in Mexico and don't know anyone who has a family the size of a lot of UK families. Everyone has two children at the most. But you sound like Duke University who plan to go to Africa and replace traditional cooking stoves in order to eliminate their miniscule contribution to global warming.

MrsTrustice · 13/07/2021 18:05

Maybe you weren’t wanted in SA, OP? Your logic about how things work over there dictates that you surely wouldn’t have been welcome as a white British woman. So why did you stay there for 15 years?

Or is it okay when it’s you?

Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:24

Sorry to disappear. I was y'know, working.

My DD's were only part of what I said, but relevant because I became part of an extended family instead of being the 'white saviour ' and extracting them from their community of birth.

Spot on to those who recognized that the issue is those who 'hurt' when the violence affects white people, but manage to get on with their lives perfectly happily the rest of the time.

Another example I gave was of the friend from DRC whose spaza shop was attacked and looted because he was a foreigner. Shot in the head, it was amazing he survived at all, let alone made a full recovery.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:26

DD1 is still living there, and half way through social worker training. As a young black woman still gets treated as a potential shoplifter by security guards for nothing more than browsing the magazines.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:29

Weren't wanted in SA? I had permanent residency so could have stayed. Had many mixed feelings about leaving. But ultimately wanted the best for my DDs, like many parents. Dd2 has needs not being met in the state school system and I couldn't afford private. Luckily we were entitled to move back to the UK.

Plus had elderly parents here.

So your point is?

OP posts:
MrsTrustice · 13/07/2021 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

User5827372728 · 13/07/2021 18:32

This is more about the threads of white South Africans complaining about their circumstances.

Because DD1, whatever her challenges, is incredibly privileged by having a white adoptive mum, and she realises that (bless her, every child should have the opportunities she's had without the disadvantages)

But we are supposed feel sorry for the kids who have all the privileges, because contextual offers are made

I’m really confused. What do you mean?

Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:33

Yep.

Plus women going to their local clinic do not necessarily get treated with respect by the healthcare staff, sadly

OP posts:
SouthAfricaMama · 13/07/2021 18:36

@Allington, did you hit the wine bottle early today?

Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:37

Dd1 was privileged because - with a white mum - she had a mum able to pay for maths tutoring. Went to a state school where class sizes were 30 instead of 50, because lived in a different catchment.

Plus practiced speaking English at home instead of Xhosa, so was fluent in English for matriculation and university.

Was able to give her R250 (about £12/14) to get a preventative inhaler when diagnosed with asthma which was not available from the state clinic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:40

[quote SouthAfricaMama]@Allington, did you hit the wine bottle early today?[/quote]
Why do you say that? What do you disagree with?

How many black South Africans are you friends with? Not an employer, people you and your children stay with as friends?

OP posts:
Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:41

@MrsTrustice

That you’re a hypocrite.
Grin I'll tell my friends that
OP posts:
AlfonsoTheMango · 13/07/2021 18:42

This thread just gets more and more bizarre.

tunainatin · 13/07/2021 18:42

The situation in SA is extremely complex and upsetting and I personally couldn't stay there for any length of time. I visited with my family when I was young, and it had a huge impact which has affected many decisions I've made since. It sounds like due to your dd's background it is even closer to the bone for her. It's a bit hard to understand exactly what her circumstances are over there, but is there any pastoral care she can link into to talk things through?

Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:43

The post mumsnet has hidden said I haven't been responding because I have been at work

OP posts:
tunainatin · 13/07/2021 18:45

Ooh I didn't read the full thread, don't really understand what's going on, sorry!

Original poster
Allington · 13/07/2021 18:45

@tunainatin

The situation in SA is extremely complex and upsetting and I personally couldn't stay there for any length of time. I visited with my family when I was young, and it had a huge impact which has affected many decisions I've made since. It sounds like due to your dd's background it is even closer to the bone for her. It's a bit hard to understand exactly what her circumstances are over there, but is there any pastoral care she can link into to talk things through?
Fortunately DD's university provides subsidised counselling. Despite being a formerly white institution they recognize the challenges faced by black young people accessing HE
OP posts: