To live in an unhappy home

[ihavechangedmyname54321]

I’ve name changed for this.

Two DCs, 5 and 2. DH and I married 7 years, together 11. WFH during the pandemic (and still now), lucky to have stable jobs through all of this.

Our house is constantly unhappy, constantly full of shouting and screaming. DH and I bicker a lot, he annoys me so much and I am struggling to identify things I like about him these days, even though he is a good man and father and pulls his weight. I constantly pick at him, about being on his phone, being slow to react to anything. He has no patience with the kids.

I also have very little patience, I try but after a bit of a rubbish weekend where we had friends and family over and DC age 5 especially was really badly behaved and so therefore embarrassed me and made me feel like a parenting failure, I’ve lost all patience with him. He is bratty and spoiled, rude and cheeky, constantly pushing boundaries, trying to wind us/toddler DC up. I feel I have no authority over him unless I’m threatening to take away things.

I have more patience with DC age 2, because he is 2, but he is very very hard work, has always been a high needs child.

I’ve read the books - How To Talk etc, I just don’t understand why it feels like it’s my children who are always the worst behaved, and why our house is constantly so unhappy. It’s not surprising my older DC is unhappy as I’m sure he picks up on the environment.

I don’t know the point of this post really, just need to vent.

Sorry you’re still struggling OP. We all have bad days.

Can you take some leave over summer and have time together as a family? Having something to look forward to can help. I personally love making plans with the kids and oh. It helps my mood too. Small things and all that!

Plus, try bribery!! I know very few kids that will not make a fuss over shoes, sun cream, bed times etc.

Had a shocker this morning too with mine not capable of locating jackets etc. We all have bad days. Make it up to him later and have a chat about things he can do that help mummy and daddy in the morning. Spend some time with him playing games after a chat. He will respond well to some attention.

Thanks @Snorkello you've cheered me up a bit. It always feels like it's only my child who is naughty!

Yes we'll be having a week or so away at a family holiday property next month, we went in May half term and had a wonderful time overall; when things are stress-free we muddle along ok, although I wouldn't say we were a good family unit even then, it's often divide and conquer. But also, things are rarely stress-free.

I agree with @Velvian you might be happier if you try to make life a bit easier for yourself. I have a four year old who can be a pain like all kids that age but I've made a conscious decision not to fight with him about what to wear or what to eat etc and he's actually much happier and willing to try new things and work with me when we aren't battling over it. If he won't put sun cream on we'll just stay inside and watch TV and I'm not going to sit there worrying about him getting fresh air etc any more. Same with DH - without me worrying and getting in a twist about him spending time with DS he's naturally happier and more engaging with him. It's me and my anxiety about giving DS a 'good' childhood, running to activities constantly, forcing the 1000 hours outside thing and so on that's caused a lot of stress in our house.

I'm not saying the situation in your house is your fault, you're clearly trying your best to be a brilliant mum, just that it might be easier for all of you if you try to go with the flow a bit and forget about trying to make the kids happy all the time. If you're happy they'll be happy too.