Feel embarrassed for overreacting about this friend

[Serenachacha]

It comes from low self esteem really, I tend to assume people don’t like me.
I had an old school friend who got back in touch with me at the start of this year to say that she had moved to my area and if I would be up for meeting.
So we went for a walk one day, this was before April so nothing was really open. We walked for about an hour and I thought we had a good catch up, there were maybe one or two silences but I didn’t think anything of it.
She said to let her know when I next wanted to meet up.
About 6 weeks passed and I hadn’t heard anything, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink. She said she did and so we arranged a date and time. Then she cancelled the day before saying she had to go to see her aunt or something.
I said no problem and we rearranged. Then again she cancelled last minute as she had some event she had forgotten about.
Then it happened again. I was getting frustrated and asked her when she was available to meet in that case. She read the message and didn’t reply, and that was it.

I suppose I took it as her not wanting to meet up but not wanting to say so. A very similar thing had happened a few months prior with somebody I’d tried to get friendlier with and I was feeling a little disheartened.

I just deleted her off Facebook and moved on. I had written her a short message and sent it but realised it was pointless so quickly deleted it.

Anyway she’s very recently sent me a message. Feel too nervous to read it which I know is pathetic, I just feel like I’ve overreacted, but I was getting annoyed by the flakiness and thought she just wasn’t interested.
Aibu?

Yes. You are being unreasonable and silly not to read the message

It’s not out of spite, I just feel embarrassed, but I know I will need to read it.

Read the message and then we can help?

She could have had a lot on mentally and didn't have the capacity at the time. Read the message and see what she has to say.

Read it and tell us what it says.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your feelings were hurt. Read the message and see what she has to say.

When you delete a message on Facebook messenger it only deletes for you btw, the person who it was sent to can still see it.

To be honest I do think it’s rude to make plans then cancel short notice. If it’s just once then it’s an emergency which can happen to anyone, but twice in a row is flaky and that would annoy me.

I wouldn’t get wound up about it though, you just need to read the message. She may be apologising and explaining that she had something happen.

Sounds like self sabotaging because you're afraid she is rejecting you. delete the message if you want or if not read it and it could nothing bad.
To be fair if someone deleted me and I noticed I wouldn't have the brass balls to ask about it.

we have all been there, you just need to find your people. are you married? have children? partner? family? a hobby?

She cancelled 3 times at short notice, I'd have felt the same. Don't worry op.
Why don't you open the message and let us know and we can help you feel calmer about it.

I don’t do flaky people. I wouldn’t bin them off my friends list, I’d say hi to them and have a chat if we met up again via a third party. I’m just not in the mood to be not worth their time and effort. My time is valuable to me, I’m not wasting it on folk who are poorly organised and unreliable.

Move on OP , you’ve managed a long time without them in your life and you will cope if the relationship never really sparks back into a friendship.

I suspect she is embarassed and sorry . She has behaved badly. This is about her not you. Read it , you may feel better. You can then choose to either ignore or tell her that you are not interested in making plans with someone who cancels , or give her one more chance if she has a very good reason for behaving badly

I know exactly where you’re coming from OP. I had a tough time at school, some bullying and lots of friendship issues. I’m 42 now but still have the hangover of it, I’m always assuming people don’t like me. I would feel the same initially. But as I’ve got older, I’ve come to realise that sometimes it really is just life being busy, people are disorganised sometimes etc and I try not to take it personally. I won’t chase people, but I do give them chances.

I don’t think YWBU. I’d assume that someone cancelling on me 3 times fairly last min would mean they didn’t want to be my friend.

Read it. It will help you move forward one way or another.

@shouldistop it depends if you get it quick enough, it can delete for the person you've sent it to as well. I've been known to send one to my best friend, realise it was full of ridiculous autocorrects and deleted it then retyped it, and she asks what the deleted message had said.

Just feckin’ READ IT AGH.

@Cheesypea

Read it and tell us what it says.

😂 basically

I think move forward by reading the message. Might just be her asking why you deleted her?

You really need to read the message. Although she could be unhappy with you (but that would be unreasonable of her), I reckon she's saying sorry.

She was rude to keep cancelling. Maybe her message acknowledges that. You won't know until you read it. Sometimes your imagination/fears are worse than the reality so just take a deep breath and read it. Only then can you process the situation.

Read the message, you don't have to reply. Take your time before you reply if you do reply.

Read the message, you were feeling insecure it can make people react badly.
Next job work on your self esteem and reactions to avoid the situation in the future.
She does sound flaky too.

Read it fgs.

Look at it from a different perspective. There were "one or two silences" which were as much down to her as to you. Maybe she's cancelled because she's feeling exactly the same as you.

I suppose I took it as her not wanting to meet up but not wanting to say so. She could be feeling the same.

Pick up the phone.