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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel embarrassed for overreacting about this friend

126 replies

Serenachacha · 11/07/2021 20:39

It comes from low self esteem really, I tend to assume people don’t like me.
I had an old school friend who got back in touch with me at the start of this year to say that she had moved to my area and if I would be up for meeting.
So we went for a walk one day, this was before April so nothing was really open. We walked for about an hour and I thought we had a good catch up, there were maybe one or two silences but I didn’t think anything of it.
She said to let her know when I next wanted to meet up.
About 6 weeks passed and I hadn’t heard anything, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink. She said she did and so we arranged a date and time. Then she cancelled the day before saying she had to go to see her aunt or something.
I said no problem and we rearranged. Then again she cancelled last minute as she had some event she had forgotten about.
Then it happened again. I was getting frustrated and asked her when she was available to meet in that case. She read the message and didn’t reply, and that was it.

I suppose I took it as her not wanting to meet up but not wanting to say so. A very similar thing had happened a few months prior with somebody I’d tried to get friendlier with and I was feeling a little disheartened.

I just deleted her off Facebook and moved on. I had written her a short message and sent it but realised it was pointless so quickly deleted it.

Anyway she’s very recently sent me a message. Feel too nervous to read it which I know is pathetic, I just feel like I’ve overreacted, but I was getting annoyed by the flakiness and thought she just wasn’t interested.
Aibu?

OP posts:
noonetoblamebutmyselfandpizza · 11/07/2021 22:01

Read the message, could be good!

Blondiney · 11/07/2021 22:01

Totally get where you're coming from, I actually relate to a lot of what you wrote. Curiosity would probably get the better of me though and I'd read the message.

FlaminEckVera · 11/07/2021 22:07

@BrilliantBetty

I hate flakiness too. So good for you for letting her know what you thought and then for deleting her. There's no point wasting your time on someone who often flakes.

I kick my self for not cutting loose friends who repeatedly cancel / are late/ don't respond to my messages. They don't value the friendship so why should I.

This. ^

@Serenachacha

I would have to read the message, but I absolutely wouldn't be arsed to message back, and I would block her so she can't message you again. She's been fucking you about for months now, letting you down, and flaking out on you. Her message will just be her making excuses, and not far down the line, she will let you down again.

Cut her loose. I would. CBA with people fucking me around. And there is nothing childish about it (as a pp said,) it's what grown-ass people do when they've been fucked over by someone a few times. Block, bin, ghost. Fuck 'em. Life's too short to be fucked about by flaky twats.

Time40 · 11/07/2021 22:16

She cancelled on you three times in a row? I couldn't be bothered with someone like that; I'd never make another arrangement with her again.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 22:17

Yes leave the Message UNREAD.., and then she will know how that feels 🌸

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 11/07/2021 22:44

You're just going to have to read it

Thelnebriati · 11/07/2021 23:05

YANBU. You were nice about her cancelling several times then decided you'd had enough.

TheVolturi · 11/07/2021 23:08

Awww ffs I need to know what the msg says!

DrManhattan · 11/07/2021 23:16

Feel like the op is being sketchy with us now, for not sharing the message!

Sproutpie · 11/07/2021 23:18

……………well?

ElderMillennial · 11/07/2021 23:20

YANBU for deleting her for being flaky three times

YABU for being afraid to read the message

EmeraldShamrock · 11/07/2021 23:21

C'mon don't be flaky you're leaving us hanging like the ex friend, it doesn't feel good. Grin

Givemeallthegin8 · 11/07/2021 23:25

Read itGin

Scarydinosaurs · 11/07/2021 23:27

It’s more than likely an apology and explanation?

billy1966 · 11/07/2021 23:37

I also think you were correct.

Can't be arsed with flakey people.

Wellpark · 11/07/2021 23:37

I'd delete the message and forget about her. She cancelled three times at the last minute. No need to have her in your life. Time to move on and put her back in the past.

Henio · 11/07/2021 23:40

What did you write in your message op?

PrettyLittleFlies · 11/07/2021 23:43

I don't think you overreacted. Cancelling three times at late notice is very rude.

Salome61 · 11/07/2021 23:55

I'm sorry to go to bed without knowing!

I'm 64 and had a really flaky friend I tolerated for a long time, but she dumped me when her grandson was born. The last straw was when she asked me to meet her at the beach - she hadn't got the message I was coming and I couldn't find her anywhere, the beach was jammed. Phoned her and it was voicemail. My daughter said she might not have mobile data. I got an email every three/four months, no Christmas card, no card when I moved into my new bungalow - not a friend in my eyes, doesn't think about me at all.

I was really surprised to get an email from her last week, and the penny dropped - her grandson is 4 now and will be at school in September. I haven't replied, being friends with her is a negative experience.

CoRhona · 11/07/2021 23:55

I don't do flaky people either. Read the message, don't reply, move on.

NatriumChloride · 11/07/2021 23:58

I find flaky people annoying too. I would have reacted the same way but perhaps not deleted her from Facebook!
Anyway… read the message!

RadandMad · 12/07/2021 00:03

You're not unreasonable. I feel much the same way and would probably have done the same. Flowers

Youreadrysnitch · 12/07/2021 00:05

She said to let her know when you wanted to meet up. Then you say 'after 6 weeks I hadn't heard anything' and you contacted her. She said for you to contact her though so maybe she felt that you weren't that keen to be friends and so she didn't have to prioritise you?

I'd read the message anyway because not knowing what it says is worse than just knowing for me.

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 00:10

She said to let her know when you wanted to meet up. Then you say 'after 6 weeks I hadn't heard anything' and you contacted her. She said for you to contact her though so maybe she felt that you weren't that keen to be friends and so she didn't have to prioritise you?

wow.. thats completely back to front 🤣

Youreadrysnitch · 12/07/2021 00:14

@QueenBee52

She said to let her know when you wanted to meet up. Then you say 'after 6 weeks I hadn't heard anything' and you contacted her. She said for you to contact her though so maybe she felt that you weren't that keen to be friends and so she didn't have to prioritise you?

wow.. thats completely back to front 🤣

It's exactly what the OP says

'She said to let her know when I next wanted to meet up.'