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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel embarrassed for overreacting about this friend

126 replies

Serenachacha · 11/07/2021 20:39

It comes from low self esteem really, I tend to assume people don’t like me.
I had an old school friend who got back in touch with me at the start of this year to say that she had moved to my area and if I would be up for meeting.
So we went for a walk one day, this was before April so nothing was really open. We walked for about an hour and I thought we had a good catch up, there were maybe one or two silences but I didn’t think anything of it.
She said to let her know when I next wanted to meet up.
About 6 weeks passed and I hadn’t heard anything, so I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink. She said she did and so we arranged a date and time. Then she cancelled the day before saying she had to go to see her aunt or something.
I said no problem and we rearranged. Then again she cancelled last minute as she had some event she had forgotten about.
Then it happened again. I was getting frustrated and asked her when she was available to meet in that case. She read the message and didn’t reply, and that was it.

I suppose I took it as her not wanting to meet up but not wanting to say so. A very similar thing had happened a few months prior with somebody I’d tried to get friendlier with and I was feeling a little disheartened.

I just deleted her off Facebook and moved on. I had written her a short message and sent it but realised it was pointless so quickly deleted it.

Anyway she’s very recently sent me a message. Feel too nervous to read it which I know is pathetic, I just feel like I’ve overreacted, but I was getting annoyed by the flakiness and thought she just wasn’t interested.
Aibu?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 12/07/2021 00:20

She told you to organise the next catch up, you waited 6 weeks before contacting her. Maybe she reckoned you were the flaky one?

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 00:21

'She said to let her know when I next wanted to meet up.'

crikey sorry... I thought it was the other way around 🤣

thinkingaboutitall · 12/07/2021 00:21

Definitely read it.

Your feelings are completely understandable though. Cancelling once, regardless of the reason, is fine. Cancelling repeatedly with multiple excuses just makes it obvious they don’t want to see you. You’re not overreacting

having said that though, sometimes you have to be comfortable with keeping in touch with friends via your phone, it doesn’t have to amount to regular in person meetings

pasturesgreen · 12/07/2021 00:22

She cancelled on you three times? Yeah, that was your cue to realise she just didn't mean it when she said to let her know when you wanted to meet up.

By all means read the message but don't lose any sleep over it. She'd need a really bomb proof excuse to cancel three times in a row, more likely she just couldn't be bothered.

Coachradley · 12/07/2021 00:32

Deleting her from Facebook is way too extreme. And she did ask you to arrange the next meet up.

QueenBee52 · 12/07/2021 01:04

@Coachradley

Deleting her from Facebook is way too extreme. And she did ask you to arrange the next meet up.
No it's not.. Facebook is shit.. delete everyone from it..
ElderMillennial · 12/07/2021 01:04

@Coachradley

Deleting her from Facebook is way too extreme. And she did ask you to arrange the next meet up.
I don't think OP needed to "arrange" it, just say when she wanted to meet. If OP didn't do that I still don't think that's an excuse for her friend to cancel three times.
FoxVillage · 12/07/2021 03:07

My mum is always deleting people from Facebook over minor things. I'm surprised she has any Facebook friends left!

I have deleted people in the past and regretted it. I just say: "I'm sure I didn't delete you, it must be a weird Facebook bug or something." Blush

She does sound a pain in the arse though, constantly cancelling.

stevalnamechanger · 12/07/2021 03:44

Keen to know what she said 😂

hannayeah · 12/07/2021 04:56

I don’t think your feelings are unusual. I suspect I would feel the same.

Billybagpuss · 12/07/2021 05:05

Hope you read it.

WhySoSensitive · 12/07/2021 05:15

I think you sound as bad s each other in flakey-ness.

She said to tell her when you’re next free and you waited 6 weeks? If that was me I’d take it as they didn’t want to be my friend and felt obliged to messaged me because it had been so long.

Read the message. Go from there.

NumberTheory · 12/07/2021 06:05

Read the message, don't read the message, it's up to you. But don't feel bad about dropping her. The flakiness was poor on her part. Whether there are extenuating circumstances or not, you aren't obliged to put up with it. You didn't over react, you just realised the way she was treating you wasn't good for you and moved on. You aren't responsible for her or her life and you don't have to let yourself be messed around.

Weebleweeble · 12/07/2021 06:08

This is all in your head.

You don't actually know if she deliberately cancelled the previous due to not wanting to see you or some genuine reason.
You don't know what she is thinking - you are telling yourself people don't want to be friends with me, she doesn't want to see me, she is now angry ...........
She has a life, she isn't sitting at home running through all the conversations you had between you and measuring the length of silences.
You have a life, perhaps with her in it perhaps not. Stop stressing.

Twoforthree · 12/07/2021 06:50

After three cancellations I’d definitely put the onus back on her.

Not worth the drama of blocking her though. Read the message.

bonfireheart · 12/07/2021 06:57

Did OP not return?!

Doghead · 12/07/2021 07:00

@olympicsrock

I suspect she is embarassed and sorry . She has behaved badly. This is about her not you. Read it , you may feel better. You can then choose to either ignore or tell her that you are not interested in making plans with someone who cancels , or give her one more chance if she has a very good reason for behaving badly
I don't think she's behaved badly at all. You don't know what else was going on in her life.
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/07/2021 07:08

🎣 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟 🐟

WildJelly · 12/07/2021 07:21

Just tell us what the message says already!

Russell19 · 12/07/2021 07:26

The canceling is annoying
But you did sound a bit full on in your reaction

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 07:27

Move on with your life, OP.

Neuts346 · 12/07/2021 07:33

I bet it’s an apology for being flaky.

MzHz · 12/07/2021 07:34

What did YOUR message to her say?

Original poster
Serenachacha · 12/07/2021 07:42

Sorry I didn’t get back, it was just an apology for being busy. Thanks for all the replies. I admit it was ott to delete I should have just deleted our convo and moved on. But I do think unless there’s a very serious situation going on, it’s rude to cancel last minute several times.

OP posts:
category12 · 12/07/2021 07:44

So, are you going to get back to her?