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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish - a bit - for a mild illness just so I’d get a break?

110 replies

Squirrelfluffkin · 10/07/2021 19:54

Maybe a short sign off work. Perhaps a night in hospital.
It’s all so relentless!
Dc2 does not sleep. Awake at 7am and up until 10.30pm. Always been the same. Dc1 has SEND and is Hard Work. My work is demanding and working with people with MH issues.
There seems no way off this treadmill!
Today dc2 was up at 6.45 - we were out of the house for 9.30am, we went to a local fair and then the park. Then I took them for lunch. Then we went to watch the local cricket and dc2 went on the playground. Got back about 5.30pm and dc2 is straight into wanting to do crafts. I make dinner and feed everyone. Dc1 wants me to go and play football with him now. I’m thinking god, another two hours before either of them are asleep. I am SHATTERED. The house is a tip because neither of them have an attention span unless it’s for a screen. I’ve got a mountain of laundry. I need to vacuum. I need to clean the bathrooms. I want to go to bed!
I’d love a day off - to sleep.

OP posts:

SnapAndFartAllDayLong · 11/07/2021 07:17

YANBU at all!! I want to get a mild case of covid so I can isolate away from kids, dh and work for 10 days 🤣🤣 the thought of 10 days in my bedroom, alone with only books, Netflix and snacks sounds like heaven to me 😅😅

Indigopearl · 11/07/2021 07:50

@SnapAndFartAllDayLong

Be careful what you wish for. I had a mild case of covid at Christmas as did my DH. He stayed in bed for 10 days whilst I struggled on with a baby and older child, did all the food prep and all the tidying up. His covid was of course much worse than mine.

fluffythedragonslayer · 11/07/2021 07:55

I reckon most mum's have had the car hit me / non-fatal illness / oops I'm in a coma fantasy at some point. I definitely used to think about getting hit by a car, not badly enough to kill me or even cause lasting damage but a wee spell in hospital. Mostly to get a break but also to show DH exactly how much has to be done at home! I think two weeks alone managing the kids and the house as well as his job (as I do, I have a full time job too) would break him! And maybe I'd get some appreciation!

Lovestosing · 11/07/2021 08:35

I remember feeling like this a few years ago when DC were younger and DH worked a way a lot. I ended up being very anaemic and had to go for iron infusions at the local hospital. I was dreading the first time as I knew I’d have to have a cannula in but as soon as I turned up the nurses were so lovely to me, they made me a cup of tea and brought me biscuits whilst the iron was being pumped into me. I sat there for 2 hours and it was absolute bliss, I remember feeling quite tearful because I hadn’t been looked after like that in as long as I could remember. I had also arranged for DM to pick the DC up from school so I didn’t have to rush around as usual. I couldn’t wait for my treatment the following week!

Seriously though, your life does sound relentless and you still haven’t mentioned whether DC’s father is around but if he is there is no way you should be living like this, it’s completely untenable and you will burn out or worse. I appreciate it must be very hard with DC1 but you do need to say no sometimes and to try to implement boundaries. The only person who can change this is you, you need to reclaim some time and some space. Sometimes as mothers we feel we don’t deserve it, but we do.

Bobbiepin · 11/07/2021 08:42

@fluffythedragonslayer

Definitely. I remember crying with PND thinking this made me suicidal but when I told my therapist she told me I was tired and needed a break!

Nohomemadecandles · 11/07/2021 08:57

You're not being unreasonable! We've all felt like that. We just probably haven't told anyone!
It's not unreasonable nor uncaring to ask them to play alone sometimes. Get some "junk modelling " stuff in a box for dc2 to do alone, freestyle.
They've had your undivided attention all day. It's useful to learn that you can't expect that of other people all the time! (send obvs might be different)

Very few children have an attention span for tidying up. You've just got to make it a condition of fun, I'm afraid, if you want it doing.

Give yourself the credit you deserve and stuff the house work for a day. You've done enough!

lollipoprainbow · 11/07/2021 10:36

I'm totally with you but I only one dd to deal with she has ASD though. I'm a single mum so it's all down to me. The thought of a crisp white bed is very appealing as is the thought of a Greek island for a week (alone!) I'd miss her though, I adore her but it's relentless !!

Original poster

Squirrelfluffkin · 11/07/2021 13:01

I’m also constant provider of snacks and drinks. And they tag team.
One says I’m hungry, so I get them something, then the other one says it, so I get them something, then the original one wants a drink, so I get them a drink and offer the other one a drink too. They’ll say no. Then five minutes late ask for a drink.

OP posts:

SolasDearg · 11/07/2021 13:10

My husband still remembers his 5 days in icu isolation with pneumonia fondly. Our kids were both under 2 and the second didn't sleep.

joystir59 · 11/07/2021 13:12

Use the word 'no' to all requests for you to participate in their activities, and tell them to entertain themselves. Let them watch crap all day tomorrow and and prioritise your own needs for once.

ememem84 · 11/07/2021 13:15

@Squirrelfluffkin

I’m also constant provider of snacks and drinks. And they tag team. One says I’m hungry, so I get them something, then the other one says it, so I get them something, then the original one wants a drink, so I get them a drink and offer the other one a drink too. They’ll say no. Then five minutes late ask for a drink.

This. Absolutely this.

I came on here to say that you were unreasonable. But I totally get it.

2 dc. Both under 4. Noisy noisy noisy and on the go all the time.

Dh had to isolate the other week because he got contact traced. Me and the dc had to carry on on our own. For 10 days. It was hellish.

Then two weeks of normality. Then i got contact traced. However the rules changed here and it was no longer a legal requirement for me to isolate if I hadn’t been tested or tested positive. So despite me thinking it’d be a fun 10 days. I literally had no break. Gutted.

I’m currently on bed with catface. Dd is napping and ds is watching tv with dh. I’ve been up since 530. And the kids are so demanding. Not just of me. Of Dh as well. But I’m just pissed he had 10 days to himself. And I don’t get the same.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 11/07/2021 13:23

I actually asked my GP if there was any way I could be admitted to hospital as I was so exhausted from a Vit D deficiency and I had DD who was a year old and I was back working. She said I wouldn’t want to go to the local hospital as I would probably pick up MRSA! At the time I was so exhausted, I would have risked it.

OP, you sound like you are working so hard to entertain DC. I think you need to give yourself a day off. Let them play in the house/garden, put the TV on for them and put your feet up.

MinesAPintOfTea · 11/07/2021 13:42

For snacks and drinks “yes, you can get yourself X”. Then they can get it or stay hungry. This might require some thinking about kitchen layout, but school aged children can generally get a piece of fruit, a biscuit from the tin or a cup of water.

Original poster

Squirrelfluffkin · 11/07/2021 13:42

It doesn’t work. The tv only holds their interest for about half an hour. They get bored. They will go on iPads for a while but even so it’s not that long. They just don’t stop.
They also tag team requests. So I do something with one and then the other wants something. There’s little overlap with them because if age and personality so basically I end up doing two separate things all the time.

OP posts:

Nohomemadecandles · 11/07/2021 14:04

@Squirrelfluffkin

It doesn’t work. The tv only holds their interest for about half an hour. They get bored. They will go on iPads for a while but even so it’s not that long. They just don’t stop. They also tag team requests. So I do something with one and then the other wants something. There’s little overlap with them because if age and personality so basically I end up doing two separate things all the time.

You can say no to requests. You're not a maid!

iwouldlikearefundonmybody · 11/07/2021 14:48

I'm sorry to hear your so exhausted- but don't wish to be ill. I've had chronic illness for years and it's draining and wouldn't wish it on anyone
Have you got family that could help? There is no harm, in asking for someone to babysit one afternoon/ evening so you can rest or do something for you.

Wallywobbles · 11/07/2021 15:02

I'd say the best but of divorce was every other weekend I got some sleep. Is it an option?

LubaLuca · 11/07/2021 15:11

I often fantasise about getting an illness or injury that puts me in bed for a couple of days. Being signed off work for a week would be a wonderful bonus.

I've been blessed with good health, a robust immune system and an aversion to taking risks though, so on I plod in the hope of getting an isolation alert from the NHS 🤞

thoselinesjustgetfainter · 11/07/2021 15:13

@Wallywobbles

I'd say the best but of divorce was every other weekend I got some sleep. Is it an option?

I was going to say this. Miss them like crazy, but what an eye opener when you realise you've been doing 98.7% of parenting, and are now only expected to do your fair share.

Original poster

Squirrelfluffkin · 11/07/2021 15:27

Oh I definitely do 99% of the parenting.
I think DH would have a shock if he suddenly had to get up with them / sort out a packed lunch / take them to school / provide entertainment etc.
Thing is they don’t bother him like they do me, because they know I’ll do it and he won’t. They tend to follow me round the house, where I am, they are.
But I wouldn’t want to be without them. I’d just like some SPACE.

OP posts:

Anycrispsleft · 11/07/2021 15:30

@WellTidy

Forget a short illness. Maybe a short prison term instead? In solitary, ideally?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that solitary confinement sounds more like a holiday than a punishment!

Twofurrycats · 11/07/2021 16:09

I think you need to off load some of the 99% parenting to DH.
Practise saying go and ask your dad. A lot.

WellTidy · 11/07/2021 16:09

Solitary sounds perfect!

Dontdripme · 11/07/2021 16:10

Trying teaching your dcs no

julesover40 · 11/07/2021 16:24

@Squirrelfluffkin

Oh I definitely do 99% of the parenting. I think DH would have a shock if he suddenly had to get up with them / sort out a packed lunch / take them to school / provide entertainment etc. Thing is they don’t bother him like they do me, because they know I’ll do it and he won’t. They tend to follow me round the house, where I am, they are. But I wouldn’t want to be without them. I’d just like some SPACE.

And here is the problem. Just say no to some/all requests and then repeat repeat repeat. At 13 and 5 they should be able to entertain themselves and fetch their own drinks, snacks etc. Book a day out/hotel room for a Saturday or Sunday and tell your DH you have plans, then go take your quiet time and rest x

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