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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish - a bit - for a mild illness just so I’d get a break?

110 replies

Squirrelfluffkin · 10/07/2021 19:54

Maybe a short sign off work. Perhaps a night in hospital.
It’s all so relentless!
Dc2 does not sleep. Awake at 7am and up until 10.30pm. Always been the same. Dc1 has SEND and is Hard Work. My work is demanding and working with people with MH issues.
There seems no way off this treadmill!
Today dc2 was up at 6.45 - we were out of the house for 9.30am, we went to a local fair and then the park. Then I took them for lunch. Then we went to watch the local cricket and dc2 went on the playground. Got back about 5.30pm and dc2 is straight into wanting to do crafts. I make dinner and feed everyone. Dc1 wants me to go and play football with him now. I’m thinking god, another two hours before either of them are asleep. I am SHATTERED. The house is a tip because neither of them have an attention span unless it’s for a screen. I’ve got a mountain of laundry. I need to vacuum. I need to clean the bathrooms. I want to go to bed!
I’d love a day off - to sleep.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 10/07/2021 20:28

I wished this and ended up with double pneumonia, temporary brain and cardiac damage and permanent vulnerability to future respiratory diseases like COVID. I had a week in hospital.

Totally worth it.

toomuchfaster · 10/07/2021 20:30

I felt like this just before I had a break down. Take steps now, as that was not the fun rest I thought I'd get.

JustMeAndWheatley · 10/07/2021 20:43

I broke my arm last Christmas. Although it was agony when it happened the next 8 weeks were fantastic because everyone else had to step up and do most of the things I normally do. I read tonnes and it was almost like a holiday.

SmashingBlouson · 10/07/2021 20:47

I feel exactly like this. Had a shit weekend and just feel mentally tired. Was working with sick kids at home last week and the last two days have been crap. Nothing awful has happened, but things have not gone to plan leaving more stuff to sort out. It was meant to be a lovely weekend too.

It's the mental labour more than anything. I just want a week away by myself or just me and the OH. I don't think I could actually relax if I did get the opportunity though.

welshladywhois40 · 10/07/2021 20:47

No - a night in hospital sounds like bliss. I was induced for my second baby 5 months. The two weeks leading upto it my toddler caught covid so we were isolating for two weeks heavily pregnant with a child who was not ill so bouncing off the walls.

The first day of the induction I laid on the bed eating snacks, watching the tablet. Utter bliss!

Original poster
Squirrelfluffkin · 10/07/2021 20:51

Yes - some time off the mental load would be perfect! When they are at school, I am at work so that doesn’t count.
As they are both awake until so late I might - if I’m lucky - get half an hour right at the end of the day.
I’d love a holiday. A proper holiday. I would miss them how lovely to have some space.

OP posts:
BoxHedge · 10/07/2021 20:56

I used to fantasise the same when not getting enough sleep.

Sounds like you had a very busy day today though. Are they not ok to park in front of TV for a few hours?

I used to let the toddler watch YouTube kids on iPad/phone in the morning in bed beside me to give me an hour’s snooze.

onceivepostedidontcomeback · 10/07/2021 21:01

Having had too many 'short' illnesses and nights in hospital I can't believe people are wishing this on themselves. That's so sad.

RiverSkater · 10/07/2021 21:07

I'm never Ill but I did have a 24hr reaction to my first Covid jab, and quite enjoyed the day in bed and day off work. I haven't told anybody this! 😆

megletthesecond · 10/07/2021 21:07

I've just remembered my head MRI. Bliss. I almost fell asleep.

Alleycat02 · 10/07/2021 21:07

Be careful what you wish for, I've been feeling very ill the last week and although my husband has been wonderful and stepped up the children just don't get the concept of 'leave Mummy as she's poorly and needs a rest', or just 'be quiet' in general 😂😂. Plus I still feel like I'm carrying a huge amount of the mental load in terms of things that need doing.

There must be some way to ease the pressure even a little bit, be kind to yourself. Is there any way you can arrange someone to look after them even for one night so you can book into hotel etc. for some time alone?

Marmite27 · 10/07/2021 21:10

I had mild vaccine side effects from my first jab. Work is giving people time off which doesn’t affect your sickness record for this reason and INSISTED I had the day off.

Kids were at school / nursery, just me a bar of chocolate and Netflix. BEST DAY EVER. I was sad when I felt better the next day.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 10/07/2021 21:15

I had a tooth out a few days ago and feel a bit delicate so literally have let dd play on her computer all afternoon.....she has had a busy week and it did her good to have a lazy day today as well. They need to know we aren't always going to entertain them.
Totally understand op.

Lilypansy · 10/07/2021 21:18

Can you get the children to help you with housework? The 13 year old could, probably, even if it's preparing veg or emptying the dishwasher. Even the five year old could fold clothes, put things away, tidy up. Children generally enjoy feeling useful.
If that's not an option, then go for the screen time, but have the thirteen year old help with finding videos.

GrolliffetheDragon · 10/07/2021 21:29

I had a fairly urgent operation 3 years ago. It was lovely. Left alone to sleep as much as I wanted, the co-codamol making sure I did actually sleep, staying in bed watching movies, food and drink brought to me, over a month off work. I've not felt so rested since, well I don't know, I can't ever remember being so rested.

There was some pain, but I was given plenty of painkillers.

CommanderBurnham · 10/07/2021 21:35

It sounds as though you're burnt out. Take a days annual leave before your kids break up and spend it in bed.

Wishing yourself ill or in hospital is not good.

I once turned up to pick up the kids front he child minder and got specifically told to return with them the following day (my day off) and to go home and go back to bed.
I am eternally grateful to her for doing that.

iamyourequal · 10/07/2021 21:51

I feel your pain Squirrelfluffkin. I can remember thinking the exact same when mine were younger. I would fantasize about lying in the hospital bed drifting in and out of sleep with the help of some dreamy opioids. I even used to love the thought of a tray of hospital food arriving because it would be the first meal in forever that I hadn’t had to prepare. I can also remember bursting into tears some mornings making the beds at home, because I so wanted to climb in and go to sleep….
You really need to try and ask someone for help and find some strategies to make your DC a little more comfortable in their own company. Easier said than done I know!

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/07/2021 21:53

I have booked DS into holiday club on a couple of my days off over summer “you’ll get more out of it if you go for the full week”

Is there anyone else who could look after DC while you had a proper weekend off?

BarryTheKestrel · 10/07/2021 21:57

Not 'proper time off' but are you able to book a day or twos annual leave whilst they are at school or at a holiday club over the summer? I do this a couple of times a year, book a days annual leave when no one else will be in the house and just rest and catch up on me time. It really does refocus my brain and I'm a much better mother, wife, colleague, friend after a day to myself. It's sad that I have to use annual leave for it, but I live for those days when real life feels like a relentless rollercoaster.

Quartz2208 · 10/07/2021 21:58

Oh OP I think you have posted so many times about this - and you not only have a DH problem but you need to learn how to say no to your children

Original poster
Squirrelfluffkin · 10/07/2021 22:00

My two fight horribly as well, because of ds’s additional needs he can be really difficult to get along with. You’d think he’d just sort of leave his sister alone because of the age gap but he doesn’t. They are AT each other all the time, him to her mainly. He’d never help her. More likely the opposite - he’d close all her stuff down and switch her iPad off.
I don’t get much annual leave so I have to take it really when the dc are off - it costs me £33 a day to book dd in with the childminder in the holidays and I still have ds anyway.
There’s no one willing to give me a weekend off.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 10/07/2021 22:10

Honestly OP I’d phone in sick and take a couple of days off work. It won’t solve your problems but it might give you the break you desperately need. I have done this before as I felt like I was going to have a break down. The first day I put my headphones on and listened to music and got all of the jobs done like tidying, washing etc and the second day I just lazed about and had some me time.

Livpool · 10/07/2021 22:11

You won't sleep in hospital! I am admitted yearly due to asthma and it is the worst sleep I get!

Allfednonedead · 10/07/2021 22:15

If there is any possibility of calling in sick and taking those days for yourself, you absolutely should do it.
The alternative is the strong possibility you will have a complete breakdown and be unavailable for much longer.
Probably your GP would sign you off with stress, even, if you felt you needed longer than a couple of days.
It would not be malingering, it would be much needed recuperation.
(Source: have needed time off work due to breakdowns in the past. It's not fun.)

Camomila · 10/07/2021 22:17

I get you OP, I had a lovely 4 hour sit down/rest in A&E in the first lockdown just scrolling on my phone - felt like a nice break! (I hurt my foot and was tingly and swollen the next day so 111 advised me to go get it checked out in A&E in case it was broken, it wasn't.)

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