To wish - a bit - for a mild illness just so I’d get a break?

[Squirrelfluffkin]

Maybe a short sign off work. Perhaps a night in hospital.
It’s all so relentless!
Dc2 does not sleep. Awake at 7am and up until 10.30pm. Always been the same. Dc1 has SEND and is Hard Work. My work is demanding and working with people with MH issues.
There seems no way off this treadmill!
Today dc2 was up at 6.45 - we were out of the house for 9.30am, we went to a local fair and then the park. Then I took them for lunch. Then we went to watch the local cricket and dc2 went on the playground. Got back about 5.30pm and dc2 is straight into wanting to do crafts. I make dinner and feed everyone. Dc1 wants me to go and play football with him now. I’m thinking god, another two hours before either of them are asleep. I am SHATTERED. The house is a tip because neither of them have an attention span unless it’s for a screen. I’ve got a mountain of laundry. I need to vacuum. I need to clean the bathrooms. I want to go to bed!
I’d love a day off - to sleep.

Can you drop a day at work?

I was once so tired with my reflux baby that I’d regularly fantasise about slipping into a coma 😆

Take a couple of days sick leave before the school holidays.
If you actually had a breakdown, you'd be signed off for a lot longer. You need to protect your mental health so no need to feel bad about it.
And time the children learned the concept of it being adult time after 8pm. They can read quietly in their room, listen to a story, but you expect quiet after that time. If the oldest one is extra good, he'll get to stay downstairs quietly for an hour at the weekend. But the little one in particular needs to know you can't be on tap all the time.
It's hard.

I don't think COVID has helped. Before this all started I felt tired but like everything was reasonably do-able most of the time. After over a year of working full time, no furlough, home schooling and trying to entertain an only child who also STILL never sleeps (even now age 8!!) I'm done. I really envy my parents who didn't have to deal with this.

I remember fondly going down with really bad diarrhoea whilst on holiday with my 2 young children and husbands family. It was wonderful just to take to my bed!

I know this feeling! The only hospital stay I haven't loved was the one with baby DC - no one in RL knows this.

I'm still resentful about how covid played out for me. Having had various tales of friends and neighbours having to isolate along in their room with meals left at the door to avoid contaminating the household, and thinking how amazing that sounded, we all got it together via school. At Christmas. Which meant the DC had Kid Covid and were bouncing off the walls in a day, DH had Man Covid and spent a week on the sofa, and I had Mum Covid and spent the week necking paracetamol, cooking food I couldn't eat and playing Xmas games in a sweaty blur.

But I'm sorry about what you're going through OP. The bedtimes sound tough, in particular. Some neurodiversities reduce melatonin production and make it harder to fall/stay asleep. Would it be worth exploring whether melatonin supplements might help? You can't be playing football at 8 at night!

I absolutely get this. When my DC were little, and I was juggling looking after them and a demanding job, I broke a bone and it needed surgery. The 3 days I spent in a private room in hospital were absolute bliss. I had no choice but to be there, noone questioned it, and I was unable to do anything for 3 days. I asked people not to bother visiting, because I was going to be out soon, so I didn't have to bother with anyone.

I have too have wished for a significant enough illness for a break. I totally get it. I had complications on my second pregnancy and there were discussions of bringing me into hospital early for monitoring before the ELCS of my second child. I was devastated when they decided against it.

Is this not what TV was invented for? By 4pm I’ve had enough and switch the TV on for a couple of hours respite.

Yanbu. I had emergency surgery for appendicitis when my 2 children were 21 months and 12 weeks old. It was like a fucking spa break. I actually have fond memories of my day in hospital recovering from surgery.

When my mum had her hip replacement me and my DB took it in turns to stay for 3 nights each for a couple of weeks while she recovered. She was fine, we scored loads of brownie points and basically relaxed the whole time. Do you have someone low maintenance who would agree to surgery so you can look after them for a bit?

The problem is - amongst other problems - they get back from school at 4/4.30 and there’s still SIX HOURS until bedtime.

Someone needs to agree to have surgery for me - this is an excellent idea. Maybe my mother would do that for me? 😂

@Squirrelfluffkin what kind of a mother is she if not? It’s not much of an ask after all 😆

Bless you

Don’t break your arm like I did recently, it only bought me a few hours’ painful peace! I was doing everything as usual - just one armed - in no time. And bribing kids with Chewits to walk longer distances to their clubs as I couldn’t drive for weeks. It was all even more work [weeps]

@Squirrelfluffkin

Where is the children's father in all of this?;you've not mentioned him.

OP sounds like what you need is respite care but I’m sure you have explored that and easier to say than to get.

I find it very hard to sleep in hospital- lights on, being woken up for blood pressure and temperature. Last time I after broken ankle I was in a bay with four others. Three were great then there was one on phone all night and wanting a smoke. She had a very bad break pins everywhere and so loud and mock g she broke a pin.

Let the children play computer games or watch TV 📺 whilst you take a nap.
Arrange a play day. A complete day with a friend in a similar situation so you each get a rest.
Or a sleep over.

Clean one room at a time and have a complete clear out. Unwanted clutter to charity or bin.
Get the kids to help. This will help cleaning once the house is filled with less stuff.

Maybe a timetable.
We play
Eat
Mummy has a rest (no disturbing)
Etc

Although my husband for his share so my situation is not bad at all our son is full on and not a great sleepr.Three days in hospital was a sanity as saver.

I know the feeling. My 20 month old is up at 5am and my 10 year old with ASD is asleep at 9.30pm. I go to bed when he does so I get zero child free time.

I have been fantasing about booking a day room here as my DH does not recognise I need some child free time when Iam at home and I am too exhausted to go out and do a hobby www.getadayroom.com/en?gclid=Cj0KCQjwiqWHBhD2ARIsAPCDzalOEqmsjonAZDMSkXjQSjbpFTehvyRaS2tzUOF_KeicOIdhb5o9F_4aAlg3EALw_wcB

I got ill about 3 years ago. I took an afternoon off work because I felt so awful and I watched the handmaid's tale in bed. Hands down it was the best day of my life in the last 5 years. I've not had a day off since from work and/or childcare.

God I could have written this. I only have one DC but he has ASC, SEN and doesn’t sleep. I am SO TIRED.

I wouldn't have gone out all day like that when you're exhausted.

It sounds like your DC need more structure and to learn to be able to entertain themselves. Come up with a bedtime routine for DC2 and be consistent. Quiet time after dinner for both.

Both of them are old enough to help you out at home some especially your oldest.

The day that you describe was packed with activities. Your kids sound like mine, the more you give, the more they want. When their father is taking care of them, he'll sometimes clean the entire house from top to bottom at the same time!! Makes me look a right fool when I complain I don't have time to vacuum when I'm with DCs!

But, they demand more of me because I give more. I know this. It's all screens and grandparent visits with DH. He doesn't play with them at all.

Like you, I have a chronic condition and could easily fall asleep on a washing line come 4pm.

My advice is TV afternoons, where you sit and watch TV too!
When they're home from school, snack them up, give them a screen each and sneak upstairs for as long as they'll let you and drink a cup of tea in peace before you battle dinner time. I hate meal times. My DCs talk at me full pelt throughout and I feel exhausted by the end.

At the weekends, take a couple of hours/half a day to yourself of possible. Lock the bathroom door and just lie in the bath.

Be authentic with your kids. Tell them how knackered you are, tell them how demanding they are, tell them if they're being ungrateful and expecting too much of you.

I've had 3 burnouts in 7 years. I had hives, ached all over, migraines, diarrhoea. Diagnosed with chronic stress both times. Don't do that to yourself.
Take a bed or bath day now and then.
Sneak off for a masage or facial.

I can't do a thing during week day eveings as I'm knackered... so weekends are your friend. Get childcare and do something for you, especially if that means doing nothing.

Same here! I've been hoping for mild covid since the start of the psndemic so I can work from home and get a break but no such luck.