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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude inviting extras to someone's house?

106 replies

pilingup · 10/07/2021 12:56

I've planned a get together for a special occasion next week and just invited just my parents and in laws - we don't have a big garden and the food I'm doing is more knife and fork style rather than sandwiches/sausage rolls etc so with our household and them we are full.

Anyway it turns out my dm's best friend p/my godmother who we haven't seen for years is staying locally for a few days and she's told them it's fine for them to come (in fairness they haven't seen each other for years so I let that slide)

Then yesterday I found out that dm has been telling my siblings about my "party" and they're also expecting to come, so it's just all getting out of hand. If I tell them they can't come I'll be the bad guy! I can't even change the food as I've bought all the ingredients.

OP posts:

missmopple · 10/07/2021 15:02

@3Britnee

What food is it?

What possible difference does it make? Why do you need to know?

OP has said that she has planned to cook what her DH has asked for. It's his birthday.

It doesn't matter what the food is.

OP was catering for N and now she is expected to cater for 2xN

Doesn't matter if it is cheese on toast or a Sunday roast.

billy1966 · 10/07/2021 15:03

I think it is really rude and disrespectful of your mother, even to ask your Godmother.

Extremely ill mannered.
It is not your mother's home.

But you say this is not the first time.

Not normal behaviour at all.

However, if your mother called and asked was it possible to bring your god mother, then it would be very kind to accommodate her.

Then to ask another 4 people, even your siblings?
Very very rude.

But she has form you say.🤷🏻‍♀️

It is not a out closeness, it's about courtesy and respect for your home.

Your husband's birthday too.🙄

girlmom21 · 10/07/2021 15:05

@missmopple I think @3Britnee just wants to know if it's worth turning up for, seen as it's a free for all now

Heyyeahyouwiththesadface · 10/07/2021 15:06

Oh I wouldn’t mind siblings being added on, DSis would pitch in & help & family are more relaxed.

I had friends invite their friends (2X couples) to my wedding reception because ‘they were in the area but only for a really short time’ -that I was miffed about!

Original poster

pilingup · 10/07/2021 15:06

We are eating outside as there were originally 7 of us.

Last year a relative of ours came over from USA for a few weeks and she kindly volunteered me to host them for a few days as she hadn't got a spare bed!

OP posts:

FastFood · 10/07/2021 15:11

I wouldn't mind family at all.
Even friends of friends, if I know them or if its awkward for them to not come (for example if they're staying for the weekend with the friends I invited).
As long as I'm given enough notice it's fine.
This said, I don't do diners, where I'm from it's more common to just have a lot of nibbles and drinks and everyone brings something to drink and eat.

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 15:12

@missmopple

3Britnee
What food is it?

What possible difference does it make?
Why do you need to know?

OP has said that she has planned to cook what her DH has asked for. It's his birthday.

It doesn't matter what the food is.

OP was catering for N and now she is expected to cater for 2xN

Doesn't matter if it is cheese on toast or a Sunday roast.

Because I'm just fucking nosy.
Why are you so rude and aggressive?

Howshouldibehave · 10/07/2021 15:13

@pilingup

We are eating outside as there were originally 7 of us.

Last year a relative of ours came over from USA for a few weeks and she kindly volunteered me to host them for a few days as she hadn't got a spare bed!

She? Do you mean the relative, or your mum again?

Sorry but if it’s your mum she sounds like a complete piss-taker!

missmopple · 10/07/2021 15:19

Why are you so rude and aggressive?

Because I don't like "fucking nosy" people.

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 15:21

Nobody was talking to you though.

What can it possibly have to do with you whether someone is most about what the op posted about?

This is a chat site. If you don't like conversation, then maybe you should waddle off somewhere else.

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 15:21

*nosy not most

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 15:22

Maybe you should seek some help for your anger issues 💐

VerticalHorizon · 10/07/2021 15:27

I think I've stumbled into an Eastenders scene!

Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum

PiggyMelon · 10/07/2021 15:31

@pilingup

We are eating outside as there were originally 7 of us.

Last year a relative of ours came over from USA for a few weeks and she kindly volunteered me to host them for a few days as she hadn't got a spare bed!

Did you say no?

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 15:39

@VerticalHorizon

I think I've stumbled into an Eastenders scene!

Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum

PrincessNutella · 10/07/2021 15:53

Could you make it a pot luck?

Original poster

pilingup · 10/07/2021 16:10

Did you say no?

No! I felt totally backed into a corner and dm had already told the relative that it was ok. It would've caused a right stink if I'd said no, and to be fair this relative has been good to me in the past. I was just annoyed that she'd got it all sewn up before even checking with me!

OP posts:

Original poster

pilingup · 10/07/2021 16:13

@PrincessNutella

Could you make it a pot luck?

I don't want to change my whole menu though, to cater for a party that I didn't even plan for. I'd like to be able to plan things without my dm randomly inviting extras - it's on Monday evening and I've bought all the food today. I've already changed the plan from Sunday because of the football.

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 10/07/2021 16:15

rude - your Mother should have asked you first.
don't just sort it out behind her back - make sure she knows, otherwise she'll do it again.

3Britnee · 10/07/2021 16:20

As you aren't putting your foot down and saying no, if you tell us what food you are serving we could help with the adjustments.

Which is why I originally asked. Stating what food you are serving is no more identifying than the whole situation that's been posted.

Cattitudes · 10/07/2021 16:23

Just tell your siblings that mum has overstepped the mark (they must know what she is like) and say that if they want to come over at 9 to wish dh a happy birthday (if you want them to), they can bring some chairs and some more dessert, because you can never have too much dessert.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/07/2021 16:58

Firstly you need to spell it out to your mother that you extended an invite to her and her alone. When she further extended that invite without checking with you first , that is where things started to get out of hand. It's not that you don't enjoy the company of these people/relatives/friends but you were not extending on this occasion the invite to everyone that your mum did.
Secondly, you will need to contact the people that your mum invited and let them know that they can't come and your mum wasn't at liberty to extend an invite (as per @AnUnoriginalUsername has suggested).
Key thing is to tell your mother that she has to stop doing this to you.

tillytown · 10/07/2021 17:17

Does your husband know that your mother has hijacked his birthday meal, and that he wouldn't be able to have the food he specifically asked for?

misskatamari · 10/07/2021 19:17

Cheeky as fuck! Especially as it's your husbands birthday. I'd let the relative slide, for the sake of keeping the peace but siblings would be getting uninvited and I would be spelling out to dm that I was pissed off, that she should have asked you first, and that I wouldn't be accommodating if it happened again.

mickeysminnie · 10/07/2021 19:27

So just tell your siblings no! Why does there need to be drama?

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