@coodawoodashooda
Youve all been amazingly helpful. Thank you. So is it the process of the diagnosis that provides the clarity that gives so much comfort, or is it the support afterwards? Remember, im thinking out loud, not trying to upset anyone.
I think the process of assessment can be very affirming. For example, early on in the screening process (the bit where they decide if full assessment is warranted) when my DD was asked 'What would you do if a child you didn't know came into the playground and wanted to play?' she responded 'Well that isn't happening!' the assessor laughed and said that he needed to write that down. Most people would have seen her as rude, or exclusionary. He understood that she was expressing her discomfort at change.
The diagnostic process, for DD2, was the ADOS assessment and a parental interview called the 3Di. The 3Di was very reassuring, because you're asked lots and lots of questions, and your answers are put into the computer programme. At the end it collates the results into 4 domains (Social reciprocity, Communication, non-verbal communication, and restrictive/repetitive behaviours and interests) and gives a score for each. The report we got also gave the minimum score for clinical significance and the maximum score available. DD2 scored 24.2 for social reciprocity - the maximum score was 30 and the minimum score for clinical significance was 10, so we could see that she had 'qualified' by a long way.
For DD2, the fact that someone actually said to her 'you have autism' and explained that the autism means that she finds some social situations hard and that she needs extra help to understand the 'rules' of communication, was really helpful. Suddenly she understood why she finds it impossible to ask teachers for help, why she wants to be invisible in class, why she doesn't like change, why she still puts things in her bag so it feels the same weight on days when she doesn't need to take anything to school, why she's so drained after school, etc.
Also, it's helped because school are aware of her needs. They make sure she's sitting near the teacher, so she can ask for help discreetly and they can notice if she needs help. She has a '2 minute early' pass so she isn't so anxious when she's moving to the lunch hall/leaving school. She has a toilet pass so she can use the toilets during lessons. They've just done assessments for access arrangements. She's done too well to qualify for extra time, but they are going to give her a quiet room and rest breaks, so that if she gets flummoxed, she can turn her exam over and raise her hand, then the time will stop while she calms down and thinks, then she'll turn her paper back over and the timer will start again.
Many of her wider social circle don't know about her diagnosis. I think she has told her very close friends.