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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD spoilt child

79 replies

PPAK2 · 08/07/2021 20:35

I have to take my son (5 y/o) to an appointment tomorrow so booked for us to go to an exhibit afterwards that I thought he would love.

When I told him what it was his face dropped, and he threw a strop because he wanted to go somewhere else, said the one I had chosen was boring.

I told him I didn't have to take him and could just take him back to school instead. He has apologised, and said he wants to go now, but I think that's just to get out of school, his first reaction was boring so I can't see that he's changed his mind...

I told him I'll think about it. I don't want to upset him but he's kinda spoilt it with his behaviour so although I'd love to take him I just think I shouldn't.

So AIBU to not take him, and WWYD.

OP posts:
topwings · 08/07/2021 20:37

He has apologised.

I'd move on from it and take him to the exhibit.

FenceSplinters · 08/07/2021 20:37

What a shame that he want

FenceSplinters · 08/07/2021 20:37

Pressed too soon!

What a shame that he wants to get out of school at such a young age.

idontlikealdi · 08/07/2021 20:37

You thought he would love it. He obviously want thrilled at the idea. I'd just leave it.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/07/2021 20:37

Surely you should be taking him back to school rather than to an exhibition, if there's time for that?

TwoLeftElbows · 08/07/2021 20:39

Take him. It'll be a much more positive day. He said he's sorry - show him that he's forgiven.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 08/07/2021 20:40

He just wanted to see a reaction. Ds 6 usually says he doesn't like a new gift for whatever reason. His new pj's were a hit so he has turned a corner there!! Accept his apology - that in itself is a learning curve to be able to say sorry.... Enjoy your trip!

Stompythedinosaur · 08/07/2021 20:40

I think you are expecting a bit much of a 5yo to control his impulse control. It is a shame he was disappointed by a treat, but he was being honest and he is quite little.

Atalune · 08/07/2021 20:41

He’s 5.

Let it go.

But also you should really return him to school.

chickenyhead · 08/07/2021 20:42

He's only 5.

Sometimes they are oppositional just because they are grumpy or tired, not because they are spoiled or genuinely don't want to go.

Atalune · 08/07/2021 20:43

Someone above made a good point about recognising the apology and forgiving. That’s a valuable lesson.

Beamur · 08/07/2021 20:43

He's 5.
I think your response in saying you'd take him back to school instead was actually rather unkind.
Give the kid a break, accept the apology, have a nice time and maybe don't throw in emotional manipulation next time he doesn't respond the right way.

Brakebackcyclebot · 08/07/2021 20:44

He's 5.

But I agree with other posters - you ought to take him back to school, not take the rest of the day off!

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 08/07/2021 20:45

If you don't accept his apology you would be teaching him that one transgression ruins everything and there is no way to make things better - so there's no point in trying. That is not a lesson you want him to learn.

Apologising and saying he does want to go is a big deal really, and accepting this shows him that he is not a bad person - he made a bad decision by reacting the way he did but he can change his behaviour and by doing so change the outcome. That is a good lesson.

Grainjar · 08/07/2021 20:46

Yes, he's 5. Show him he was wrong and it's a great thing to do. He already learned it was a mistake to be rude.

OppsUpsSide · 08/07/2021 20:46

I would take him to an exhibit rather than hot foot him back to school, I think the fact he wasn’t immediately thrilled isn’t a reason not to take him.

Tal45 · 08/07/2021 20:51

He wanted to go somewhere else so had a strop but when he realised that wasn't an option he apologised and came round - not necessarily just to get out of school.

But too be fair what child that was ever born doesn't want to get out of school? And if he already feels like that aged 5 then schools really need to work on how engaging they are.

notanothertakeaway · 08/07/2021 20:57

Poor little thing. Perhaps nervous about the appointment. And then expected to show enthusiasm for an exhibit you chose, that he thinks will be boring. I'd cut him some slack. And, if you gave eniugh timecto girl to an exhibit, why isn't he going back to school?

quizqueen · 08/07/2021 21:01

There should have been no choice. You go to the appointment then you go back to school. Poor parenting to give the impression that school is an option.

Original poster
PPAK2 · 08/07/2021 21:02

FenceSplinters He does actually love school, he asked me the other day why he couldn't go on a weekend, but he's 5, of course he would rather go do something different. Except my crappy idea obviously... 😅

AssassinatedBeauty I get that I should probably take him back but its one afternoon. It's fully booked at the weekend and I though seeing as we were nearby it'd be something nice to do.

Stompythedinosaur He's a really good kid usually, doesn't really get disciplined as in naughty step and the likes because it's never really needed. So I'm not 100 on what to expect in terms of impulse controls as its rare anything kicks off.

OP posts:
unstablemabel · 08/07/2021 21:04

What is the exhibit? Is it something appealing to a five year old or more for you?

GiantToadstool · 08/07/2021 21:05

So if a chikd doesnt want to do exactly what you suggest they are spoilt? At 5? I think thats a rather unfair expectation on a child.

Not all adults can hide when they get a gift they dont want. Its a social skill and not really what you want from a small child anyway - Id rather have honesty. In that moment that wasn't what he wanted!

GiantToadstool · 08/07/2021 21:06

Its not great for are children to learn their emotions are only "okay" when they match ours.

GiantToadstool · 08/07/2021 21:08

And yes of course take him somewhere nice now that was offered.

Maybe next time say "would you like to do soemthing together afterwards?" Rather than spring it on him. He probably would far rather do the "boring" thing with you than go to school as its time with you.

Children's wild behaviour is them managing their emotions and that's what they need help to learn as they develop. Dont punish him for being upset at your choice.

Original poster
PPAK2 · 08/07/2021 21:09

@Beamur

He's 5. I think your response in saying you'd take him back to school instead was actually rather unkind. Give the kid a break, accept the apology, have a nice time and maybe don't throw in emotional manipulation next time he doesn't respond the right way.
Maybe it came across as unkind, I really only meant it literally in that if I didn't take him then he could go back to school. So I feel quite bad that he might perceive it as that.
OP posts:
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