Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?

[FortunesFave]

I clearly remember thinking 'what?" whenever the teacher mentioned "The Apparatus" during PE.

I didn't know what apparatus was! This was in primary school. She'd shout to the group of us in the 'big hall' "Don't touch the apparatus!" during the times when we were allowed to run around aimlessly during "PE lessons"

Then there was the mysterious "Cloakroom" I couldn't work out if this was a euphemism for toilets or if they meant the tiny bit of the corridor where we hung our coats.

Still not sure. Was I a lone weirdo who didn't understand basic stuff?

Fifthtimelucky Netball! Netball! U meant Netball! This was in primary 7. I did play in the hockey team at secondary in defence but I think I was decent (doubts every sporting achievement ever!)

I went to religious primary school.
"Blessed is the Fruit of thy womb"- I was convinced, until I saw it written that the words were "Blessed is the fruit of the loom" (eg the T-shirts!)

Some of these are magnificent!

I was tall at that point- that solves the being shit but put in GD (the GK was even taller). I then stuck at that height roughly and everyone grew past me 🙄

"This is the priest all shaven and shorn who married the man all tattered and torn who kissed the maiden all forlorn ..."

I was utterly bemused by this when I was a child:

• why did the man marry the priest when he kissed the maiden?
• why was the priest marrying anyone? I thought this wasn't allowed?
• how come the man can't marry each other (before marriage equality) when this priest (!) is marrying a man?

Must have been about 9 when I finally understood that "marry" has an extra meaning

I've seen a very clear pattern to some of these posts.

I also went to a Catholic primary and secondary school; and had the same experiences as the other Catholic school pupils.

'Things' that you were expected to just know despite no one ever explaining, or letting you see it written down.

Words to prayers and songs was a real pain in the arse, for me; but my family weren't church goers, so I just assumed that it was my own fault that I didn't know.

Like, as a PP mentioned - you just learned it by osmosis.

I was (and still am!) very wee at school, so netball was not the game for me. The other players wouldn't even pass me the ball...so i just sat down at the side of the court. And no one even noticed!

That's how surplus to requirements i was!

Ffs Foxglove you are quite correct.
My thinking was Pudding = thick but now you say it it's bleeding obvious
Good job I didn't mention it earlier to my DDad (who I haven't yet forgiven for not explaining the "Has the cat died" for too short trousers until I was 35) he would have ripped the piss from me all day!

@TheQueef

Ffs Foxglove you are quite correct. My thinking was Pudding = thick but now you say it it's bleeding obvious Good job I didn't mention it earlier to my DDad (who I haven't yet forgiven for not explaining the "Has the cat died" for too short trousers until I was 35) he would have ripped the piss from me all day!

Glad you avoided that. I in my turn don't get the cat thing?

I wonder how many people you've told you're in the pudding club over the years.

Another poster mentioned "not as green as I'm cabbage looking" - I realise now this means "I'm not SO green [i.e. naive/credulous] that I look like a cabbage" i.e. pull the other one, but to me it always meant "I look a lot more like a cabbage than I look green". Which is a weird thing to say about yourself.

I've done a mental list, I do say pudding a surprising amount of times.
I reckon I've accidentally told at least 20 people I'm pregnant.
The worse thing is no fucker mentioned it.

The Cat thing.
Pissed me off every single time I heard it said, because I was desperate to know so would immediately counter it with
"Why do people say 'Has the cat died' when my trousers are too short?"
No one could ever answer.
I asked loads of people.
Then all at once, after 35 years of hearing me question it Ddad pipes up.
It means half mast, like a flag when someone important dies.
The Cat being less important so it's only trousers at half mast.
35 years.
don't get me started on why so many of my trousers didn't fit

@Ameanstreakamilewide

I've seen a very clear pattern to some of these posts.

I also went to a Catholic primary and secondary school; and had the same experiences as the other Catholic school pupils.

'Things' that you were expected to just know despite no one ever explaining, or letting you see it written down.

Words to prayers and songs was a real pain in the arse, for me; but my family weren't church goers, so I just assumed that it was my own fault that I didn't know.

Like, as a PP mentioned - you just learned it by osmosis.

I was (and still am!) very wee at school, so netball was not the game for me. The other players wouldn't even pass me the ball...so i just sat down at the side of the court. And no one even noticed!

That's how surplus to requirements i was!

Absolutely! Catholic school too and church going family. Luckily I was quite switched on and questioned everything- much to my mam's chagrin. During Lent we were required to do stations of the cross (schlepping round all the paintings of Jesus walking to his death and coming to a gruesome end whilst saying a prayer at each one). At age 7 it was bizarre. I couldn't work out in any of the paintings where the train or train station was. I still to this day find the concept of why he died ' For us' confusing. Who was trying to kill us? Could he not have run away without being sacrificed?

The idea of osmosis is so true. Was just talking about this with DS3s autism specialist- how kids learn stuff through osmosis, everyday stuff: how to communicate, what is appropriate, what things mean, that stuff isn't always literal and that DS doesn't have this osmosis, he needs to be told it over and over.

School made us do the stations- not my parents!!! If we did them we got points for our table. Don't start me on that or the competitive money for charity shit: table points for bringing in money (ie reward the rich!)

As a treat we used to go to Debenhams cafe for tea and there was a sign up by the tea stand which said "Watch that child with boiling water". I always looked but never saw the child!

In infant school, I was confused by history text books that said 20th century. I thought how do they know what is going to happen because I thought if it was 1979 it was the 19th century :)

I did know the rules to netball and hockey and didn't mind GD. GK was the boring position. GA was the most "exciting".

I remember being very confused when I started school because there was a boy who was called Billy but on his coat peg was the name 'William'. I thought they were two different people.

I never understood hockey and was absolutely rubbish at all sport. I figured out quite early on that Right Half was the position to which the ball came least often (unless you were unfortunate enough to be playing with a left-handed Forward). I would make a grab for Right Half every time, and I perfected the art of running up and down the pitch with a look of intense concentration on my face, changing direction whenever the ball did, and then ‘unluckily’ missing it on the rare occasions it ever came my way. I was very good at it!

I remember aged about 7 learning about dinosaurs and we watched a video of an archaeologist unearthing some bones so I thought dinosaurs lived underground.

@maras2, I just came on to say that I wondered what a ' wobey tide ' was that the Nuns kept mentioning at my Catholic primary.
@PurpleSproutingSomething, When I stayed with my Uncle in the USA we were invited to a 'Pot Luck' supper, I thought it would just be pots of stew or similar, must have been an American supper.
At secondary school we had a special assembly to warn us about the dangers of 'dabbling with the occult '. I had no idea what the occult was, but the previous day in chemistry class a few students had been told off for messing around with some chemicals, so I assumed it was a dangerous concoction.
One that wasn't at school, but some neighbours told us they were getting a new kitchen. I came home from school expecting to see the house double in size, thinking how posh to have two kitchens in the house.

When football scores were announced on the radio I always thought ‘on aggregate’ meant it was too wet to play on the grass so they had used a school playground or something

@50but17inside I came on here to say exactly the same thing, the only difference is I thought this until about two years ago and I'm 44.

Hi @iamalighthouse

"I don't understand the word "condone" I can't condone that. I never get whether it's good or bad.,even when I look it up. .its a total blind spot"

It might help to change 'condone' to 'agree with' or 'approve of' whenever you hear it.

If you do not condone something, you don't approve / don't agree with it.

Hi @Bbq1

"She's no better than she ought to be" What does that even mean?! Confuses me to this day!!"

It's rooted in misogyny and the class system. It was often believed that women's morals were linked to the class she belonged to, with working class at the bottom.

To try and give a practical example - if a working class woman became pregnant out of wedlock, it wasn't as shocking as if an unmarried middle/upper class woman became pregnant because the working class woman was no better than she ought to be, i.e. "well what would you expect from a woman of that class?"

Living together out of wedlock would be another example from yesteryear. It just didn't happen in the upper classes. A working class woman 'living in sin' would also be referred to as no better than she ought to be.

Thankfully it's a dated term (with no male equivalent) which isn't widely used any longer!

Loving this thread BTW, thanks to everyone for sharing

Oh these are so funny! This thread is gold.

YES to To Let and Toilet, Harold be thy name and netball cluelessness.

Slightly off topic, but I said 'St Pancreas' station until I was 45. I cannot explain the rush of embarrassment when I realised.

@TheQueef I wonder if all 12 of those people are still wondering about your sudden out of context pregnancy announcement

God, I'd never have got that about the cat!

Slightly off topic, but I said 'St Pancreas' station until I was 45.

One of our London offices has emergency info signs up directing you to use the St Pancreas exit. I am tempted to edit it whenever I see it, but I'm rarely there (even before the pandemic) and haven't had a suitable pen available when I have been.

@thisisnotmyllama

I never understood hockey and was absolutely rubbish at all sport. I figured out quite early on that Right Half was the position to which the ball came least often (unless you were unfortunate enough to be playing with a left-handed Forward). I would make a grab for Right Half every time, and I perfected the art of running up and down the pitch with a look of intense concentration on my face, changing direction whenever the ball did, and then ‘unluckily’ missing it on the rare occasions it ever came my way. I was very good at it!

Perhaps it was Right Half instead of Right Wing that I played then. Your description sounds very familiar.

I thought that the expression "to make ends meet " was hen's meat. So if you said : they were so poor they couldn't make hen's meat, it meant they didn't even have enough money for chicken...or something...

A teacher told us as a class to 'bring some elbow grease with you tomorrow', my friend replied 'my Dad might have some he works at Johnstone's Paints'