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Original poster

Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?

317 replies

FortunesFave · 08/07/2021 12:39

I clearly remember thinking 'what?" whenever the teacher mentioned "The Apparatus" during PE.

I didn't know what apparatus was! This was in primary school. She'd shout to the group of us in the 'big hall' "Don't touch the apparatus!" during the times when we were allowed to run around aimlessly during "PE lessons"

Then there was the mysterious "Cloakroom" I couldn't work out if this was a euphemism for toilets or if they meant the tiny bit of the corridor where we hung our coats.

Still not sure. Was I a lone weirdo who didn't understand basic stuff?

OP posts:
user1745 · 09/07/2021 21:49

@Treeballarae

Not quite the same, but I was an awkward child, tended to take the literal meaning from things so friends would say "see you later" and I'd say "no you won't" not understanding they just meant "cheerio".

Your PE comment also reminded me in PE no one ever explained the rules to netball, basketball, hockey etc but everyone seemed to know what they were doing so I was constantly shouted at for breaking the rules.

Maybe we were off sick the day everyone else were taught these things Grin

I was off sick during our junior school orientation/induction day and throughout junior school I believed that was why I didn't know things everyone else just seemed to know automatically, like where the glue sticks were etc. I thought they must have gone through all that on the orientation day that I missed. Years later I come to realise they probably didn't, I was just an awkward child.
Ellie56 · 09/07/2021 21:55

@Lalallama

At primary school we were being noisy in assembly and the head teacher said 'if you don't quieten down I'll blow my top'. She had rather a large chest and I was terrified that she meant if we weren't quiet her boobs would explode.
Grin Grin Grin
TellingBone · 09/07/2021 23:03

@SpringLoadedJizz

I've just remembered another.

Our local paper was weekly and I would read the whole thing, including the sports round-up, as a pre-teen/young teenager. I always wondered why so many men playing in the local football team had the surname "Trialist". I remember moaning to my dad that they didn't even put the first initial so we could tell them apart. Blush

Haha.

And that just reminded me of another of mine. I used to think how very fortunate it was that all those boys who were christened, 'Justice' became went into law and became judges - Mr Justice Smith, Mr Justice Hayden-Pratt etc.

Turns out it's a judicial title for High Court judges. Blush

EBearhug · 09/07/2021 23:48

Nominative determinism at large in law! Wink

monotonousmum · 09/07/2021 23:49

When someone would say what's the difference between 5 and 11 etc.
I'd be blank, and just say I didn't know. They must have thought I was really bad at maths all through primary school. They're both numbers, one has two digits one has one. I don't know!!
I still think it's a ridiculous way to phrase a maths question.

savagebaggagemaster · 10/07/2021 00:28

I always thought it was, 'I am the lord of the dance setee', singing in our school assemblies. Grin

PuffinDodger · 10/07/2021 00:31

On my first day of infant school I came home singing "Who built the Ark? No one no one!"

camelfinger · 10/07/2021 00:34

Love this thread. But kind of sad that when I was young, children were often laughed at or told off for not understanding words or rules that had never been explained to them.

I didn’t know the alphabet until age 7 or 8; many of my classmates didn’t. We were all readers and writers but had only learned the sounds of the letters. Luckily our lovely teacher noticed this and taught us in a few minutes. I think it was the same teacher who realised we all had no clue about the words to the Lord’s Prayer either.

Goal attack and centre were the glamour positions in my school. I was usually a sub, and WD if I was lucky. We had a couple of basketball lessons aged about 15 and it felt liberating to play a sport where you seemed to be allowed to do things, unlike netball which was just tons of rules and restrictions, that were never explained.

On my first day of school I thought the PE kit was if you peed yourself.

beentoldcomputersaysno · 10/07/2021 01:41

@maybelou

Some of these have really made me laugh 🤣

When I was a kid we had a cat called Jeeves, but I thought his name was Jesus. I then associated everything Jesus related with this white cat, then one day in class we were asked to draw what we thought God looked like. I drew a (very good, I thought!) cat up in the sky with clouds and my teacher told me off because she thought I was taking the piss. I just pretended I was rather than admit that I genuinely thought God/Jesus was a giant cat in the sky Blush

Love this
beentoldcomputersaysno · 10/07/2021 01:54

When we were told to ''mark' players of certain positions in PE, I had no idea what "mark" meant. Another wing defence here...! PE teacher could spend a lot of time pulling our towels off to check we hadn't cheated by wearing underwear to the shower under our towels, but couldn't spend five minutes telling us what the rules to any games we played were!

Lollipity · 10/07/2021 02:46

I once went home claiming to have learnt all about Jesus Christ and telling my mum that he had been killed on a level crossing.

Powertoyou · 10/07/2021 04:39

PE teacher asked us to bring in leotards, didn’t have a clue. Drinks on the house, couldn’t understand how you got up on the roof, where you would sit and wouldn’t it be very dangerous.
Hearing that our neighbours daughter had got engaged and was very puzzled why the family were having a party just because their daughter had used a public toilet..

Powertoyou · 10/07/2021 04:48

Also hearing on the news, after a crime that a man was helping police with their enquiries. I used to think how kind, to help the police if they were short staffed and why weren’t more people helping them.

EdnaMole · 10/07/2021 07:08

Didn’t understand that Americans used the term “dame” for a woman so was baffled by the song “There is Nothing Like A Dame” from the musical South Pacific - why were all these sailors desperate to meet a panto dame like Widow Twankey?

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 10/07/2021 07:30

When I was about 12 I heard on the news that some people had been arrested for bringing a lot of cannabis into the country. I thought they said 'cannibals' and was terrified that some of the cannibals had escaped and were going to go on an eating spree.

TabithaTiger · 10/07/2021 08:57

Oh another one of mine...I remember a trip to London with my parents and seeing a shop with a large sign saying 'Drugs store'. I was horrified! We all know we should 'just say no to drugs', yet this shop was blatantly selling them!

PandemicPalava · 10/07/2021 08:59

I was and still am confused by 'don't do anything I wouldn't do!' I think it's the double negative, I never know what to say. I am a well educated woman but it just won't stick

ThePontiacBandit · 10/07/2021 09:12

PandemicPalava if someone says that to me, I say Don’t do anything I would!

monotonousmum · 10/07/2021 10:05

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

I have northern relations who were allowed to go play at the Wreck and was very excited to be able to go with them to see this amazing broken ship. The shitty swings and rusty roundabout were quite the disappointment at the Rec reation Area

Also our grandmother would save money for us to buy toffees. They would spend it on sweets and crisps. I was horrified at their disobedience.

A school one was all the hoo hah over the Baby Jesus at Christmas, being born and no one realised how special and amazing he would be. THEN he was all grown up and died at Easter....how did no one think to quibble how this happened. Never occurred to me that it was not all accomplished in a single stretch from Dec to April.

Omg, this has JUST clicked for me! On coronation Street they used to talk about the wreck/rec and I always wondered why they never showed this obviously cool sounding place...definitely thought it was some sort or ruins until your comment Grin
WhatAShilohPitt · 10/07/2021 10:47

@iamalighthouse

I don't understand the word "condone" I can't condone that. I never get whether it's good or bad.,even when I look it up. .its a total blind spot
I’m sure others have explained it but I’m not sure how to check so I’ll explain it too!

If you condone something, you are aware that something is not good / moral / right / acceptable but you decide to go along with it / tolerate it / approve of it anyway.

For example, you might condone drug taking. You know it’s illegal but you accept it / approve it / allow it.

Rangers in a safari park might condone hunting. They know they shouldn’t allow it but they do.

A school might condone cheating on exam coursework because they know it makes the school look better when the grades come in.

Where the confusion probably comes is when people use it with a negative: ‘I do not condone drug use’. This just means that they know something is wrong and they will not turn a blind eye / approve / allow it.

So, the poachers will not condone hunting. The school will not condone cheating. A parent will not condone other people’s kids drinking underage in their house.

Does that make more sense now?

Talipesmum · 10/07/2021 15:26

@TabithaTiger

Oh another one of mine...I remember a trip to London with my parents and seeing a shop with a large sign saying 'Drugs store'. I was horrified! We all know we should 'just say no to drugs', yet this shop was blatantly selling them!
Yes! I was always rather worried by Superdrug as well for this reason. I still think of it as a bit dangerous and glitzy compared to Boots.
Fieldings15 · 10/07/2021 15:52

Love some of these! I also thought it was a 'jewel' carriageway, which made it sound much more exciting than it actually was. Also, in the nursery rhyme 'row row row your boat' I thought the last line was 'life is butter dream' Grin not quite sure what a butter dream is though!

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 10/07/2021 15:59

When I was about 5, I confused the words Kodak and Kojak and used them interchageably. My dad actually worked for Kodak. Except I thought Kodak was Kojak. I remember asking him, "So - do you work for Kodak?"

"Yes," he replied. How impressed I felt, for however long it was until someone corrected me.

Elphame · 10/07/2021 17:12

@HunkyPunk

In assembly, at primary school, we sometimes sang the hymn which started 'There is a green hill far away without (i.e. outside) a city wall..' I always used to have a mental picture of all these other hills nearby with walls round them. Never really questioned it!
OMG - yes of course! I did wonder why a green hill would have a city wall!

In my defence I was only subjected to that hymn for a couple of years!

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 10/07/2021 18:49

This is a really shameful one but I'll own up. A few years ago our village fete had a duck race. You bet 50p on one of a hundred ducks and the ducks all set off down the local stream and if your duck won you got the prize.

It wasn't until I was on the way to watch and I thought, "how are they going to get all the ducks to cooperate?" that I realised it was plastic ducks. I was over forty at the time. God the shame.