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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9yo DS unable to be at home!

77 replies

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 16:35

9yo, high energy ds is currently in summer camp until 2pm. Once home he watches a bit of TV, has a snack and then, if tv/tablets are off limits, he wants to go out and play with friends nearby, no problem. However if they're not available - usually inside on screens - he's unable to come home and just be at home for a bit! He is literally sitting on their drive waiting for them rather then coming back in with me and DC2. Aibu to find this a bit odd? It's as if he's physically uncomfortable not having TV (or ipad which is weekends only) and his brother or I will play or chat to him, I'm very available as such. It's really only at bedtime that he'll take some down time to draw, colour and read.. Would you do anything?

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 07/07/2021 16:39

Yes I would stop him sitting onnother peoples drives waiting for them to come out to play it is rude.

undertheseariel · 07/07/2021 16:40

As above - so rude of him sit on people's drives. He's 9 - tell him he's has to come back inside whether he likes it or not.

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 16:44

I told him three times before he came in. He's in now and I'm afraid to see what he's up to as there's no screen on and he's quiet. I don't want to disturb! Just to say it's quite normal here to wait at end of drive if another child says they'll come out but these friends obviously said they would and didn't, hence me bringing him in.

OP posts:
TastyMeatPuppet · 07/07/2021 16:44

I'm with PP. Bring him in. I hate it when kids do this. It looks awful on you.

My daughter is a busy bee, also does sports camps but when she's home she likes to be busy too so we've a load of craft kits, baking stuff and games.

Poptart4 · 07/07/2021 16:48

I agree he shouldn't be infront of a screen all day but in my opinion it sounds like your a little too strict when it comes to screen time. This isn't the 50's. The fact is life is increasingly 'screen dependent '. I don't see any harm in him maybe playing an online game with some of his friends. So aleast he's being social while on a screen. But thats just my opinion.

He may be getting too old to be playing with his mammy and little sibling. Maybe time to find a better compromise?

CatsArePeople · 07/07/2021 17:05

Find him some work to do around the house/yard.

GlitchStitch · 07/07/2021 17:07

What's wrong with him using the iPad and having some downtime if he's been at summer camp most of the day?

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:08

Thanks. Very much appreciate the perspectives. He has lots of art supplies, books, a big garden, trampoline so plenty to do but it's the social interaction he yearns I think.. Anyway he came in and asked if he could help so he's just made the dinner! I agree it looks dreadful hanging around for longer than a minute or two. Very frustrating calling him in repeatedly. Others stick heads in Windows and that drives me mad. He has had TV time this morning also and will watch match later.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 07/07/2021 17:12

it's the social interaction he yearns I think..

Most of his friends probably are interacting with one another, just online rather than in the street.

Could he invite a friend over fir tea one night?

Neuts346 · 07/07/2021 17:12

Get him in, he can’t just wait on peoples drives that’s very intrusive.
Send him on a solo bike ride or run, make him clean and tidy up, wash the car, or relax the screen time rule basically anything to occupy him. Or that good old fashioned method.... he’ll just have to be a bit bored then!

NelleBee · 07/07/2021 17:15

Very frustrating calling him in repeatedly

I have a DS who loves to play outdoors, if he doesn’t come in when told he doesn’t get to play out the next day. He quickly learns to come in when told.

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:21

Yes I'll be making that very clear tonight. Me shouting across s the road like a fish wife Blush
What doesn't help is the parents in the house don't mind a bit so I have to make a point of it whereas I'd tell children to go on home and he'll call round. I am definitely a bit allergic to gaming as such and yes, I want him to be a bit bored. I sometimes wonder is it because as a toddler and preschooler I was at home and we were always out and about meeting people etc.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 07/07/2021 17:23

Definitely don’t let him sit on people’s drive waiting for them - they might be busy, and it annoys me as a parent when other kids hang around after being told my kids aren’t playing out. I also wouldn’t be happy to be calling him in 3 times, he shouldn’t be ignoring you like that.

I find a great tactic is to find jobs that need to be done every time there’s nothing to do. My son will miraculously find a hundred fun things to do when he’s meant to be tidying his room, even though he was ‘so bored’ before hand.

PivotPivotPivottt · 07/07/2021 17:25

My 9 year old daughter does the same. There's lots of children around here so always usually someone to play with but on the odd day where no one is around she will hang about the street playing by herself instead of coming in. I don't restrict her screens so she could come in and play her xbox, watch TV etc but she doesn't want to. Even on a rainy day she will ask to go out and play. She just isn't happy if she isn't out playing with her friends, sometimes I get frustrated but I'm also glad she would rather be out playing as I hear a lot of people complain they have the opposite problem.

Blinkingheckythump · 07/07/2021 17:28

There's nothing wrong with kids being bored at times, it helps them learn independent play and be more creative so I agree with you on him needing to be bored sometimes. And screen time shouldn't be unlimited either. You don't mention an age but I'm assuming primary school?

FrownedUpon · 07/07/2021 17:28

I would be really irritated by someone else’s child sitting on my driveway waiting for my child. You definitely need to stop that asap. It’s rude.

BunnyRuddington · 07/07/2021 17:30

Could you give him a snack when he gets back in the afternoon and the 3 of you go out? Maybe let him invite a friend?

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:38

He's 9. I should say the repeatedly cLling him are separate occasions, where he comes in and then goes again to see if they're coming.. He had a friend just yesterday so I do have people round regularly and he goes to theirs. I want him just to be able to function for an hour or so without input!

OP posts:
User5827372728 · 07/07/2021 17:42

My Boys are younger but like this. They need to be out and about and socialising the whole day.

I don’t mind; as I’m similar and my mum
Said I was the same when young.
Thrive of the company of others and being outdoors!

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:45

I am the same too! But I was also good to play by myself (youngest of a big family). But thank you, it's true he's just very social. Seeing him almost dysregulated when in and idle is what I've really noticed. He doesn't seem to tíre either and will still be up before 7 tomorrow, possibly suggesting baking!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/07/2021 17:46

Please dont let him be that kid who sits outside peoples homes waiting for them to come back.

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:49

I've said a few times I'm not going to let him do that! I was more originally concerned that he would prefer to do that ad nauseam rather than simply come home.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 07/07/2021 17:51

Doesn’t he play with DC2?

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 17:54

Not really, there's nearly 4y between them and dc2 is sooo enthralled with his own play that if dc1 tries to play, it doesn't always work out.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 07/07/2021 18:06

Ah that’s tricky because you don’t want to stop DC2 playing what he wants and end up with both of them grumpy! I was thinking maybe they could play together in the garden but I think helping you around the house is a good idea as long as it won’t annoy you to have him following you around instead Grin