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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9yo DS unable to be at home!

77 replies

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 16:35

9yo, high energy ds is currently in summer camp until 2pm. Once home he watches a bit of TV, has a snack and then, if tv/tablets are off limits, he wants to go out and play with friends nearby, no problem. However if they're not available - usually inside on screens - he's unable to come home and just be at home for a bit! He is literally sitting on their drive waiting for them rather then coming back in with me and DC2. Aibu to find this a bit odd? It's as if he's physically uncomfortable not having TV (or ipad which is weekends only) and his brother or I will play or chat to him, I'm very available as such. It's really only at bedtime that he'll take some down time to draw, colour and read.. Would you do anything?

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 07/07/2021 18:17

OP why do you think the other parents have bought their dc PlayStations etc? They will all be talking to each other online. Your ds will be left out of this and hence is haunting other people's homes.

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 18:47

Don't be silly iggi, he's not haunting!! As I say the parents in that house don't mind a bit, which doesn't help my case, but anyway I'll carry on and will make it clear it's play or come in. He was in their house playing games with them just yesterday. I'm not going to buy him something that I don't like the impact of just because others are. I think so many have done that but haven't actually wanted to, which seems a real pity. Anyway, he's happily gone off to training now and it'll be in once home as it'll be late and he'll watch the match. I did watch a lotof TV growing up so maybe I need to totally relax on that but I was well able to entertain myself also so it didn't take over.

OP posts:
Christmasfairy2020 · 07/07/2021 18:49

How old are you op. You sound rather strict?

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 18:57

Do I?! Confused I'm mid 40s and... I'm a teacher... I really see so much of the negative effect of gaming, I'm probably a bit paranoid!

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 18:57

I'm not strict in plenty of other ways I suppose..

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 19:05

Yes PattyPan they can get on great but are very different. I feel sorry for dc1 as he sees how much fun dc2 has just playing but can never really gel with him when he joins in.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 07/07/2021 19:17

It’s really sad all the other kids are inside on screens. Good for you limiting screen time, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong there.

eddiemairswife · 07/07/2021 19:25

Make him hang around in his own back garden instead of sitting on people's drives.

user1493494961 · 07/07/2021 19:29

Ignore the posters who look let their kids sit on screens all day, anything for a quiet life.

Christmasfairy2020 · 07/07/2021 19:30

Yup bit strict. He goes to school all day and is allowed down time. Tbh my 6 Yr old is watching a film about a pear whilst crafting and my 11 nearly 12 year old is on tiktok. I also have the parent timer on ipad and family link on my phone. He is 9 not a baby. Get him to do tt rockstarrs on his ipad and read to you. Then say he can have an hour on roblox. Win win here

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 19:44

He's not in school, he's on holidays now. He reads loads so no worries there. You see, I see a lot of children in school who have zero imagination, interest or even conversation outside the game they play.. I do find it sad and I really don't want him to go this way plus I think being able to entertain yourself is important plus he's an addictive type and gets caught up in these things.

OP posts:
Zwellers · 07/07/2021 20:21

I feel sorry for your son. By your own admission he goes to camp is out and about, reads etc. Let's him have some time on xbox etc. That's where all his friends will be. Before you make him the weird kid whose not allowed to use an ipad and sits on drives waiting for interaction. Its not the 1990s.

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 20:45

I think it's such a pity that that's the way it's viewed. He's really not the 'weird kid'.

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 07/07/2021 20:51

The gaming with their friends is hugely about chatting and playing with their friends, though. Some kids have practically no limits, but many have plenty of restrictions. They do all play. Especially around that age and onwards. It’s really easy to set restrictions, eg 45 mins a day, only on certain days. Or more on holidays - whatever works. It’s such a point of commonality for them. It doesn’t have to take over.
Also, if they are ever to do gaming, I genuinely think it’s better to start when you still know all the kids they will be playing with, and their parents etc. Better now than at high school.
I know you aren’t keen, but it really truly would be unusual for 10 / 11 year old boys to not do any gaming. It was a real saviour for my v sociable 9/10 year old during lockdown last year. And he does love it but he also turns it off when he’s had his time and doesn’t whine - any whining got it cancelled next time.

Newchances · 07/07/2021 20:56

I remember being a bit like this (I think all my friends were too lol) I remember getting a basketball net was a good distraction spent so long playing with that on my own !

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 21:04

Thanks Talipesmum that all sounds reasonable.. I don't know if his friends are doing that tbh, he's more interested in playing Minecraft himself if he gets a chance rather than linking up with others. I will try to relax a bit more about it.

OP posts:
Businessnamehelp · 07/07/2021 21:42

I don’t know why the op is getting a hard time ?!! I would much rather my child to want to be out and play rather than sit on a screen talking to his friends. Bizarre reactions .

Op I also have a dd same age as your ds and she’s the very same . She’s basically only happy when playing with friends , does all the activities and summer camps as possible!
I know how you feel , it’s a pain. My younger dd is happy to play at home with toys but older dd has no interest.
I do think like you, that it’s my own “fault “. I was at home with her and we were constantly out meeting friends, play centers , toddler groups , everything Blush

I don’t think your doing anything wrong and I would definitely not buy a games console for him to chat to friends that live right beside him !

My dd is a bit different in that she loves roblox , utube . She doesn’t watch tv or movies so I do let her have the iPad for about 2 hours per day ( she’s on school holidays )

Enjoy the summer and your sociable ds Smile

IamnotSethRogan · 07/07/2021 21:55

Hi op if you get a headset they all chat while playing Minecraft. I actually think think it's a pretty good creative game.

We were very strict with DS and certain games. It was actually a bit to his detriment because he went back to school after lockdown, and all his friends had been playing together and it took DS a lot longer to settle back in because he was out of the loop.

crumpet · 07/07/2021 22:11

Yes, it’s (within reason) almost less about the gaming than the fact that there are a group of them chatting together while they share the same game

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 22:29

That's not something he's talked about or asked for.

OP posts:
whattodo2019 · 07/07/2021 22:59

Why don't you sign him up to some clubs? Football? Martial Arts? Swimming lessons? etc
My kids have never gone out and played in our village. Probably because they didn't go to the village school so don't have friends. Instead we meet school friends at each other's houses, parks, countryside, country parks etc

Original poster
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 07/07/2021 23:18

He does all those things, and the meet ups. My OP was about the few hours in the day he isn't busy and being able to just be in the house when screens aren't on.

OP posts:
Mustreadabook · 07/07/2021 23:29

@Businessnamehelp

I don’t know why the op is getting a hard time ?!! I would much rather my child to want to be out and play rather than sit on a screen talking to his friends. Bizarre reactions .

Op I also have a dd same age as your ds and she’s the very same . She’s basically only happy when playing with friends , does all the activities and summer camps as possible!
I know how you feel , it’s a pain. My younger dd is happy to play at home with toys but older dd has no interest.
I do think like you, that it’s my own “fault “. I was at home with her and we were constantly out meeting friends, play centers , toddler groups , everything Blush

I don’t think your doing anything wrong and I would definitely not buy a games console for him to chat to friends that live right beside him !

My dd is a bit different in that she loves roblox , utube . She doesn’t watch tv or movies so I do let her have the iPad for about 2 hours per day ( she’s on school holidays )

Enjoy the summer and your sociable ds Smile

I don’t think that taking them out lots makes it “your own fault” that they want to play with friends all the time! It’s just personality. Introvert/extrovert. I was at home with my baby twins and took them out every day. It must be my fault that they want to stay home all the time at 9, they must be fed up of it!
ShitPoetryClub · 07/07/2021 23:50

I had 2 outdoorsy DC and one who was very indoorsy and I used to worry he would be addicted to gaming.
Well, he now has a fantastic job in tech. Seriously. Get your son some Mindstorms lego and get him into programming it.

Summerfun54321 · 07/07/2021 23:55

Would he be interested in a skateboard? Hours trying to do tricks. He can hang out outside and chat to people as they pass rather than just waiting on their drives. Or a basketball hoop. Something he can play on the street or where he might bump into friends rather than calling on them.