I know im nbu... But would you be p***** too!?

[LauEli]

Son is three. Four on Halloween.
We absolutely do not let him have lollipops. Never. They're not even allowed in our house.
Weve made it clear to both sets of grandparents.
So how come mil keeps letting him have one 😡 he's a bit dramatic when it comes to having his finger and toe nails cut, so because he was good for her she praised him with a lolly. She had the audacity to tell my child I wouldn't be angry.... Im glad she couldn't see my face. She said she doesn't take her eyes off him whilst he's eating it. It's not the first time. Husband has asked her before not to do it, but how many times should he need to tel her.... Because if I tell her I won't be polite.
I'm pregnant with second and just fuming about it all. Husband tells me to be calm. But hormones and my anxiety play out the worst scenarios in my head.
How would you deal with it!?

Is it the choking hazard? Can you compromise and ask her to get drumstick lollies?

Not sure I understand the lollipop issue, but if you’ve said no to something, then yes, irritating that she’s undermining you. Just don’t let her spend time alone with your kid. Not sure I’d be this worked up, though.

If she’s providing free childcare then pay for childcare instead.

@Rabbitheadlights yep choking hazard, it's scares the life out of me. Good shout on the drum stick lolly 😊

@burritofan we pay for him to go to nursery, she has him one day a week literally so she can see him not because we need it. The lollipop issue is that he could choke and die..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

My first question is - why is she cutting his nails? Surely you or your DH do that? Is it usual for her to do such things?

What's the issue with the lollipops by the way? Is it a choking issue? If so, tell her straight not to give him any more lollies under any circumstances, as if she does, you will stop allowing her to see him unsupervised. Simple.

Tell her from me she needs to listen because she really does not want too see a choking child like I have from a lollipop.

Ask her if it's worth it risking her having to ring you and tell you your sons in hospital because he choked on a lolly she gave him.

I get that she's undermined you, that's annoying. But I don't think I've ever heard anyone so amped up about a lolly before.

@TidyDancer

I get that she's undermined you, that's annoying. But I don't think I've ever heard anyone so amped up about a lolly before.

It's a hard lolly not a ice lolly thou.

Yeah I’d be livid

@LauEli completely get it, makes me physically shudder just thinking about it. Mine have drumstick lollies, I even carry a couple in my handbag as lolly pops seem to be the go to for kids birthday hand outs at our school so I swap them.

@buzzandwoodyallday we do cut them, I cut his finger nails last week, he reluctantly let me cut his worst toe nail a few days ago, then wouldn't let me do anymore. He behaves for both our mums to have them done but not for us, so I'd guess he asked her to do them or she saw they needed finishing off.

@ElephantMoth yeah I get it, I'm just surprised at the extreme reaction. I get the feeling there's a significant backstory here and the OP maybe doesn't like the MIL anyway though.

You are definitely right to be furious as she totally undermined you. My OH nearly died from choking on a lollipop when he was little, mil had to run next door to help her as she couldn't get it to budge. I don't let my kids have them for this reason.

I had to check how old he was a few times.

What age do you think he will be safe to eat a lolly?
My 6yo has to take grapes cut in half, to school.

Yanbu my friend is neurotic about lollies with good reason that her son nearly died choking on one.

You cut up grapes, why let them suck on a ball that could block the trachea if it came off its stick. Does she let him play with marbles?!

If MIL won't respect your wishes I'd stop unsupervised contact.

I'd be furious. I'm probably closer to MIL's age than OP's and never let my DC have lollies for the same reason. Your MIL should know better.

I think you may need to be very blunt with her.

YANBU OP, our DDs aren’t allowed lolly’s and hard boiled type sweets either, due to the choking risk. My parents are just as paranoid as me fortunately (I choked on one as a 7 year old as was fortunate my aunt noticed) but MIL has offered them many times regardless. Luckily she doesn’t do childcare for us and due to other safety concerns (FIL smoking/tablets left out/doesn’t see the point in car seats) we just don’t leave the children alone with her.

You’re going to have to be really firm with her, if she wants to have him alone she doesn’t give them to him. I agree with the drumstick ones if you’re okay with him having sweets.

@Rabbitheadlights

Is it the choking hazard? Can you compromise and ask her to get drumstick lollies?

Have you tried to eat one recently? They are pretty hard going tbh, I don’t see how they would be less of a choking hazard if it got lodged.

Op suggest chocolate lollipops maybe?

@ DontBuyANewMumCashmere

He’s only 3! Of course he shouldn’t be having choking hazards. Perfectly normal to have to cut grapes for a 6 year old as well, grapes are still the perfect size to completely block a windpipe, as are lolly’s. I choked on a hard boiled sweet the same size at age 7! I don’t understand why people are so lax about choking hazards.

Nope. Ring her up and tell her straight.

You don’t have to be rude but you also don’t have to be overly polite. Direct, clear and concise.

We do not allow X to have lollies. Please do not ever give him a lolly again. I don’t want to ask again, it’s a choking hazard and the fact that you are ignoring me is not only rude but very irresponsible. If you want to continue to see X then you need to follow my rules, I won’t ask again.

I’d be absolutely furious, firstly that she’s so fucking stupid to give a child a hard round lolly and secondly because she’s purposely choosing to ignore your instructions for your child.

Well if he is at her house, cant she just have some ice pops in the freezer?
Yanbu.

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere yep he's 3, I just have a fear of him choking. I'd hate for him to choke in someone else's care when I've specifically asked them not to do something. I'll probably still cut his grapes when he's 6 too 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe I'm just one of those mums.
@TidyDancer I do like her, I'd like her more if she respected my wishes 😊
@Babynames2 sounds like a good shout not leaving them in their care alone! Don't mind him having a little bag of sweets at all especially to reward him for being good 😊

I’m sure there are videos on you tube of lollipop choking hazards. Get dh to show her one.

@heyyeahyouwiththesadface

I know they are quite hard, but square peg/ round hole and all that it is infinitely less likely to choke on a drumstick versus a chupa chups for example.

@Ohpulltheotherone love that! Husband is speaking to her tomorrow, she'll know I've said something, he can just be more diplomatic than me 😅