Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know im nbu... But would you be p***** too!?

96 replies

LauEli · 06/07/2021 21:02

Son is three. Four on Halloween.
We absolutely do not let him have lollipops. Never. They're not even allowed in our house.
Weve made it clear to both sets of grandparents.
So how come mil keeps letting him have one 😡 he's a bit dramatic when it comes to having his finger and toe nails cut, so because he was good for her she praised him with a lolly. She had the audacity to tell my child I wouldn't be angry.... Im glad she couldn't see my face. She said she doesn't take her eyes off him whilst he's eating it. It's not the first time. Husband has asked her before not to do it, but how many times should he need to tel her.... Because if I tell her I won't be polite.
I'm pregnant with second and just fuming about it all. Husband tells me to be calm. But hormones and my anxiety play out the worst scenarios in my head.
How would you deal with it!?

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 06/07/2021 22:53

Yes I would be angry . I have seen the end of one of those round sherbert lollies come off the stick at a size that would cause a choking hazard. I would never give them to my grandchildren.

moonbedazzled · 06/07/2021 22:58

[quote LauEli]@Keeping2ChevronsApart can never be too careful! I choked on my dinner a few weeks ago when my husband was a work, my son was crying hysterically. I couldn't catch my breath it was very scary. It can happen at any age, and the damage can be life changing or worse.[/quote]
You need to liquidise your food and drink it through a straw. Can't be too careful. 🙂

MaMelon · 06/07/2021 22:58

Chocolate lolly?

Original poster
LauEli · 06/07/2021 23:07

@MaMelon good shout 😊

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 06/07/2021 23:11

I have seen a terrible outcome from a child choking on a lolly. The stick caused the fatality, not the sweety bit ☹

None of mine have them.

MaMelon · 06/07/2021 23:12

Great character ones from Sainsbury’s (I’m sure other supermarkets have them too, my DCs are much older and past the lollipop stage) but they loved them and they always felt safer for me.

TheCovidHalfStone · 06/07/2021 23:16

I don’t understand why some people are being so rude about having specific boundaries about safety. How hard is it for the MIL to just give the child another, safer treat?

donquixotedelamancha · 06/07/2021 23:20

You need to liquidise your food and drink it through a straw. Can't be too careful.

Food?! What sort of monster risks their child eating food? They might starve to death without it or get a perforated gut and die of septicemia.

I started DD on chlorophyll injections as soon as she was born and she photosynthesises her nutrition. It's just what decent parents do.

Similarly I've stocked up on factor 200 sunblock and will be covering her in it on sunny days.

GreyTS · 06/07/2021 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lemmein · 06/07/2021 23:47

When my niece was about 6 a little boy choked in the school canteen - he died in front of all of the kids SadAbsolutely not worth the risk - if trained paramedics struggle to dislodge stuck lollies/grapes/etc I doubt granny could do better!

Rachie1973 · 07/07/2021 00:23

[quote LauEli]@DontBuyANewMumCashmere yep he's 3, I just have a fear of him choking. I'd hate for him to choke in someone else's care when I've specifically asked them not to do something. I'll probably still cut his grapes when he's 6 too 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe I'm just one of those mums.
@TidyDancer I do like her, I'd like her more if she respected my wishes 😊
@Babynames2 sounds like a good shout not leaving them in their care alone! Don't mind him having a little bag of sweets at all especially to reward him for being good 😊[/quote]
I’m usually an eye roller with the ‘My MIL crap’ but I’m with you on this one OP.

At 48 I can honestly say I wouldn’t have let my kids have lollipops until they were much older and even then I used to try to put them off. They’re quite large, and the more active the child the more chance of it being swallowed.

I now moan at my DIL that lets her kids have them so I am ‘that’ MIL lol

QueenBee52 · 07/07/2021 00:49

I flippin LOATHE lollipops ... they terrify me .. you see kids running with them in their mouths., WTF

SeaToSki · 07/07/2021 01:24

I never let my dc walk around when eating or drinking because of choking. Its too easy to stumble and inhale a bite of something. It also keeps the crumbs and drips to a minimum!

Original poster
LauEli · 07/07/2021 06:45

@GreyTS thank you for your reply, I don't feed trolls 🙄but you couldn't have put it better.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 07/07/2021 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

TwoShades1 · 07/07/2021 06:48

Would it help if you supplied her with a stock of lollies you approve of? This way she has something on hand if she wants to give him one and you know it’s safe.

Original poster
LauEli · 07/07/2021 06:49

@lemmein that would have been traumatic for an adult to see let alone a hall full of children, how devastating. Hope your neice was OK after witnessing that

OP posts:
Original poster
LauEli · 07/07/2021 06:52

@TwoShades1 yes that's a good idea 😊 thank you

OP posts:
Betsythecheshirecat · 07/07/2021 06:57

Stick to your guns op, you anbu.

Mumdiva99 · 07/07/2021 06:59

I would take over a bag of haribo packet sweets and ask to swap them for her lollies. Remind her you don't mind her treating him occasionally but don't want the sweets on sticks.

(My mum wouldn't have heard me explain I don't want her to give my child lollies because of the stick......she would have heard I don't want her giving a sugary treat to my child.....and she would keep doing it thinking I am being unreasonable to not allow a treat. By showing her exactly what she could give she would be placated....

FYI....I talk a lot in from of my mum about things like watermelon/melon/cherries being loved by the kids but they hardly ever have it because it's soooo expensive......cue grandma spoiling the kids with their favourite fruit! Win win - and one of mine is a teenager now.)

FreeBritnee · 07/07/2021 07:01

Give her an alternative as grannies like to treat. If you tell her what IS acceptable, and reiterate what isn’t I think you might grit somewhere.

Cattitudes · 07/07/2021 07:11

Each time do you reiterate why it is banned? She might be putting it in the category of LauEli being a killjoy rather than having a genuine concern about specific risks. Whenever you hand her over restate 'remember we never give mini LauEli lollies because the sweet can come off the end and get lodged in the throat and stop her breathing.' Maybe also see if you can find some values on how many children die from choking each year. It might not help but it might make her think twice.

dancinfeet · 07/07/2021 07:13

They aren't just a choking hazard either. I know a child who fell whilst eating a one of those hard boiled sweet types of lollipop. The impact of hitting their face on the floor made the lollipop shatter in their mouth, resulting in a broken tooth, and a cut throat and tongue requiring stitches. Child was about 9/10, so not a very small child either. I always told my kids that lollies must be eaten sat down and that you never ever let go of the lollipop stick (I.e. have it in your mouth without holding it). Sounds extreme but I saw the results of that poor child's mouth. I don't blame the OP for not wanting her LO to have lollipops.

WinterWonderLight · 07/07/2021 07:15

I totally understand the no lollipop - we have that in our family. I would be fuming with mil.

My dc are older now but when they were young I always told grandparents no lollipops or hard sweets and I remember once my dd telling me mil tried to give her a lollipop but dd said oh no I'm not allowed. I was so proud.

Holly60 · 07/07/2021 07:19

[quote TidyDancer]@ElephantMoth yeah I get it, I'm just surprised at the extreme reaction. I get the feeling there's a significant backstory here and the OP maybe doesn't like the MIL anyway though.[/quote]
No I don’t agree. It’s common in the UK for small children not to be given hard lollies. It’s the same as cutting up grapes etc- it’s just not done. I’m a MIL and there is no way I’d be giving my DGC lollies of the type OP is talking about. Not only because they are dangerous but also they are bad for their teeth- the way that they are designed to be held in the mouth for long periods of time is just horrendous in terms of tooth decay….

I certainly would never ever do anything against the express instructions of my son or daughter - regardless of me feelings about it. They are not my children and I try to do everything the same as their parents. My role is to support not direct now!