I know im nbu... But would you be p***** too!?

[LauEli]

Son is three. Four on Halloween.
We absolutely do not let him have lollipops. Never. They're not even allowed in our house.
Weve made it clear to both sets of grandparents.
So how come mil keeps letting him have one 😡 he's a bit dramatic when it comes to having his finger and toe nails cut, so because he was good for her she praised him with a lolly. She had the audacity to tell my child I wouldn't be angry.... Im glad she couldn't see my face. She said she doesn't take her eyes off him whilst he's eating it. It's not the first time. Husband has asked her before not to do it, but how many times should he need to tel her.... Because if I tell her I won't be polite.
I'm pregnant with second and just fuming about it all. Husband tells me to be calm. But hormones and my anxiety play out the worst scenarios in my head.
How would you deal with it!?

Tell her you've absolutely banned bananas or chocolate. None of those ever under any circumstances even though he loves them.

I mean, worth a try

It's irrelevant why the op doesn't want her ds to have lollies.

The fact is she doesn't want him to and her mil is deliberately undermining her parenting choice over and over again.

I would stop contact until she understands you mean what you say.

The next time you say you don't want ds to have something, you can bet your arse he will get it from her.

She is so clearly not being unreasonable though.

Then petition MN for a section called 'IADNBU- no humour please'

They are dangerous. They are hard, solid and round. They are designed to stay in your mouth for ages - so very tempting to start running around if you are three. They are also smooth. If you had to DESIGN a choking hazard you couldn’t do much better

On average about 5 children a year die by choking in the UK. Most choking deaths are elderly people and people in hospital.

I'm not aware of any recent cases of lollies being the cause (in a child- hard sweets can be dangerous for the elderly) because they are much larger than a child's trachea. Bread is a far more common cause of choking deaths in children.

YANBU.

When my eldest was 5 in school another child shared a hard sweet.
Fortunately my son never got them and knew why.
Another little boy took one and choked.

Only the really quick action of the teacher saved him and apparently it was quite lodged.

The teacher was seen crying after the incident as she got the most dreadful shock.

There was a 100% ban in the whole school afterwards.
Same with sausages, lethal, and grapes.

Children can eat unconsciously so are very vulnerable to choking.

I would be rethinking the arrangement with your MIL.

She thinks she knows better than you and I would no longer trust her.

A grandparent who dismisses your wishes, particularly safety ones, are not to be trusted.

She is very disrespectful of you.
She needs firmly putting in her place and so does your husband if he would think it better to put your child at risk than upset his mother.

If I'm honest I think your reaction is extreme - you haven't said what kind of lolly? A chuppa chup one?

I still make my 10 year old cut his grapes into quarters. I don't allow mini eggs, avoid lollies and slice hot dogs lengthways and don't like having those stupid small bouncy balls in the house either. Don't even get me started on cotton wool balls. 🤦‍♀️After an ambulance ride and a whole pallava in hospital, I will never have them in the house again and will tell anyone that will listen.

I'd be so pissed off if anyone went out of their way to give them something I've said over and over not to. There's so many different, safer things they can give him. It's like they do it just because you said not too.

Yes I agree. Mine never had lollies like that when they were small or hard boiled sweets, only chocolate buttons as an occasional treat. I was also vigilant with grapes etc and especially with basic safety eg hot drinks being kept away from DC ( a big gripe with PIL) , never warming a bottle in a microwave (another firm explanation to FIL who watched me pour away a bottle he had just microwaved despite me saying no and having brought our bottle warmer), having blind cords wrapped tightly round a holder not hanging down, and a removal out of reach of anything with batteries where the compartment slides open eg tv remote.
People make light of these risks but accidents happen. Our midwife who discharged us with DS1 said that they had a baby brought in every fortnight with a scalded mouth from a microwaved bottle with parents saying they had shaken it well. Because BIL used microwave for his DC, PIL thought I was being precious- but I stood my ground.

2 years ago a young man in my husbands company lost his little two year old to a cord.
Just awful.
They have since had another baby but he and his wife are shadows of their former selves.
They are a young couple.
Heartbreaking grief to cope with.

I had children before the sausage and grape thing was pointed out to me.

And balloons.
One burst and I found my son gagging with a piece in his mouth, pure luck as he was in a seat.

These freak things can happen easily.
If you can reduce a few, why wouldn't you?

So glad the majority agree with me, the risk is just not worth it in my opinion.

@ivfgottwins yes a hard Boiled round chuppa chup kind of lollipop.

I remember when DS was about 3 or 4 he'd ask me for a 'bag of chewits'. I had no idea what he wanted until one afternoon when I saw him with my Mum. In his hand was a bag of crisps and Mum stood next to him constantly repeating "Chew it! Chew it!'
Still call them chewits now.

I'm a MIL, Mum to four and granny to one.. and my children were never allowed them and nor will my grandchild have them. I nearly died at 10..so not a little child, when I choked on a hard sweet.
I've also had to give a child the abdominal thrust at work (I'm a TA) and there is nothing more frightening than seeing a child turn blue in front of you.

You are a) completely right and b) even if you weren't..he is your son and she has to respect your boundaries or she doesn't get to care for him!

I would explain in as much graphic detail as possible why lollipops/grape etc are chopped and then say that if she can't respect your parenting decisions and abide by your rules, then she will not trusted to have them in her care and will only be allowed to see the when you/DH are available to supervise.

@AdobeWanKenobi that's cute, love it! I always say to him with grapes chew chew chew he laughs at repeats it.

I would just not let her see any of the children unsupervised. My mother was like this. Deliberately doing what she had been specifically asked not too. I just didn't trust her with my children's care so she was never alone with them.

Genuinely can tell those of you ridiculing this have never seen the possible outcome.

I’m going to spell it out- I watched my 3 year old pass out and go blue, blood come gushing out of her mouth and poo herself after my MIL thought it was a great idea to give her a lolly and the Lilly became dislodged.

It was pure luck she survived- my husband ended up pushing his hand down her throat.

Might be hilarious and over the top to you- trust me on this- please do not give them to young children.

Don't melody pops have holes in? Just get those.

My mind is blown by this whole thread - really had never considered lollies being a choking risk by them actually coming off the stick. And I'm neurotic about choking risks. Thanks for making me aware OP!

I choked on my dinner a few weeks ago when my husband was a work, my son was crying hysterically. I couldn't catch my breath it was very scary. It can happen at any age, and the damage can be life changing or worse.

So liquid diet from now on then? Seriously, more people die from vehicle accidents, including kids. I’m not saying give kids food the shape and consistency likely to be stuck but people don’t seem to think twice about putting them in a car and setting off on a drive, and yes, everyone has a choice as bus for instance reduces risk of death in an accident immensely. As for adults that worry about choking on a boiled lolly, and don’t risk it, I take it you drive? Seriously can’t recall losing any adults to routine choking incidents (not ana obviously) but way too many to count to vehicle accidents. I’m happy to stuff in the boiled lollies and drive personally.