Dating someone with chronic condition

[Topsyair]

Been dating a well controlled type 1 diabetic for a few weeks. Hes lovely but I'm worried if its gets serious about the future with regards to his condition. I sound like a bitch but I dont want to end up a carer or with someone who may die years before me

Christ... good job my DH didn’t think like this ☹️
Just think that also you might well not end up as his carer and he might live a long life!

Wow, cut him loose and let someone who deserves him, have him

I'm a bitch

How bloody sad.

It's not for you.

Move on new, kindly but absolutely decisively, before this goes anywhere and someone gets hurt.

Glad my dp doesn’t think like that! 😬

Not much shocks on mumsnet, but this really does.

Please leave him. He does not deserve this.

Poor bloke. If that's how you think about him, don't date him. Nothing worse than being made to feel like a burden on people close to you bc of your disabilities

Cut her some slack. My DH has a chronic condition which will only worsen. Off course I love him and will support him but, it is hard, it affects our potential income and retirement, so not easy. Better she considers it now than years down the line.

You have said so yourself that his diabetes is well controlled. I don't see what your problem is with it. You, or another prospective partner could end up with a chronic condition later on down the line.

How would you feel if the tables were turned, and you were the one with diabetes?

I have been married to a well controlled type 1 for 25 years, In that time I have called an ambulance twice! I am aware of diet issues, aware of taking care of his feet etc, we have never had any problems because of his diabetes, he is a wonderful, loving caring man and though I would choose for him not to have the worry of his condition I cannot imagine life without him! and honestly, he could have an accident tomorrow and be very disabled, would I get rid then? Nah!

And what happens if you develop a chronic condition? Or dementia? Or have an accident?

Off you fuck and don't waste his time, then.

I would mention the huge numbers of professional athletes who have T1, but that might encourage you to hide your contempt for sickness or disability. Could give you the phone number of my ex, though, as he fucked off within a couple of weeks of my potential autoimmune arthritis diagnosis as he had decided I'd be an old woman by 29 and he'd be a carer fulltime by 30 when he could be out fucking 17 year old instead. Twenty years later, I'm fine on medication and with a decent human being. And the ex has still not found anybody prepared to put up with him for more than a couple of months.

This is the biggest battle people with hidden illnesses have to fight. The prejudice, the assumptions, the narrow-mindedness.

This is what makes every single aspect of life, no matter how small or insignificant to you, so fecking hard for us.

Thankyou for asking. Hope you have your answer.

What happens if you go on to develop terminal cancer (as my DH did)? Is that a reason to walk out too?

OP I think your getting a harsh time.
I'm dps carer but he became disabled after we got together.
Its bloody hard work for very little pay and no thanks.
It's not wrong to think about the future but I think you need to speak to your dp about what will happen further on down the line IF his diabetes starts to become problematic. Do it now before you become too invested in the relationship.

As a well-controlled T1 I would prefer any partner thinking like that to go find someone else!

It’s a possibility but could be from any illness. You can’t like him that much.

My husband has well controlled diabetes T1. He’s also fitter than anyone I know.

Do him a massive favour and fuck off out of his life.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to consider at the beginning of a new relationship, before either of you is really attached.

However in fairness to him you need to make your mind up quickly and not waste his time if you don't want to deal with it. But do bear in mind most people have some health problems in the long run, and great guys are not that thick on the ground.

Yeah, let him go and find happiness with someone who deserves him. I'm so glad my husband didn't think like you when we met. I've had T1 for over 20 years and he often almost forgets about it as it's just not a 'thing' in our relationship.

I have been with my lovely DH who has T1 diabetes for the last 19 years. We have been through many ups and downs together. He is the kindest, most patient and loving man I have ever met. It is during the difficult times that I have been most grateful to have him in my life.

T1, glad my Dh didn't feel that way.