Aibu to keep my dd off on sports day

[Goldenfan]

Hi,

My dd who is nearly 8 has autism. She has her struggles in school and does cry a lot there.

The last couple of sports days I have attended (pre covid) she has basically cried the whole time. She was even running the races crying.
I was there to reassure her but its difficult to comfort her anyway. School still made her take part.

This year no parents are allowed due to covid. I won't be there to encourage.

Part of me thinks she is in desperate need of resilience building and what better way than to do things you may not like. She can also often cry to get out of things she needs to do...eg tidy up. I don't want to single her out and school are unsupportive of her needs so would not agree to this or for her to sit out.

Dd cries anyway in school so is this any different? She does very little actual exercise but is healthy.

I'm in two minds. If I was there to watch I could support her and pull her out if she was really struggling. I hate the thought of her sat crying throughout.

Has anyone got a child that skips this sort of thing. Should I be encouraging participation.

Thanks

The senco basically told me that there is nothing "wrong" with my dd after spending 10 minutes with her. A SENCO cannot diagnose autism

Sports day is a comp!ete waste of time if you don't enjoy sports. l did enjoy sports but still found it extremely boring hanging around for hours in the heat, it always seemed to be a red hot day and was never any shade.
I would definitely keep her off and can't imagine why anyone would think forcing her to participate is a good idea. Maybe they should have encouraged her to hand out the drinks or medals, etc, if that is still allowed, so she still felt involved.
In my opinion l think there are times you have to draw a line when something is so obviously not working in child's best interest.

@wellbehavedwomen

Expecting some ASD kids to cope with sports day at all is abusive. Genuinely. It can cause genuine psychiatric injury. Expecting a child who has sobbed her way through every previous one to cope without parental support.. keep her home. Please.

You don't build resilience in an autistic child by forcing them through trauma. You don't build resilience for ANYONE by forcing them through trauma. Challenge needs to be appropriate and calibrated, so the child can manage and gain confidence - not so great it breaks them.

Gosh this comment in spades.

I recognise the sports day issue. As an uncoordinated 'boffin' they were painful when I was at school but my school did allow pupils to enter themselves for each activity and there were limited places. The sporty types took up all or most of the slots and the rest of us cheered them on in class groups. There were always spare slots though and trepidation over who would have to fill them.

I now have children in primary school and sports day is non competitive. It's a day to celebrate being outdoors and active with your friends and family. The school hires an athletic pitch and each class is split into 4 groups. Then they just toss bean bags into hoops and balance eggs on spoons. It's all very silly and parents are encouraged to join in.

The goal is to be active and to have fun. Not to win.

The last year before covid hit, they arranged races at the end of the day. A toddler ran onto the field, followed by his desperate mum! The head teacher announced a toddler and mum race and loads jumped in

Schools are part of a community. If they're not making everyone feel comfortable and welcome, then there's something wrong.

Anyone that tries to force an autistic 7yo to do a sports day that she is terrified of and has previously cried through, with no support, is plain stupid and frankly abusive. The school are a disgrace if they have a blanket "compulsory" attitude. Yes OK you can build resilience in a child with ASD - I have spent 15 years doing it. But not by terrorising them at a stupid sports day.