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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL comments on my weight. AIBU?

80 replies

kettlechips123 · 06/07/2021 11:31

I generally have a good relationship with my mother in law. She is a lovely woman in so many ways - apart from one.

Every time I speak with her (be it on the phone or in person) she laughs if I mention I've been to the gym or eaten a healthy meal. She is always commenting about my "diet" in a negative way. She is never supportive and makes comments about my clothes sizes. Even though we are the same size?

If it is relevant I am 5ft 7 and just over 12 stone. I'm aware I need to lose weight and am trying my best but sometimes I fall off the wagon (with the year we've had it is very easy to!)

My husband just tells me to ignore her and that she doesn't mean it. He doesn't like confrontation so he wouldn't tell her to shut up. A bit annoying but not much I can do as I don't want to cause any arguments or ill feelings.

AIBU to be pissed off with her comments and mocking? Or do I need to pull up my big girl pants and realise that this is standard MIL behaviour (from what I've heard anyway).

Thanks all.

OP posts:
bloodyhell19 · 06/07/2021 11:38

That's not standard behaviour from anyone, let alone a MIL. It's quite nasty. I'd ask her what the joke is next time she laughs tbh. Have you ever said anything to her about it? I wouldn't allow anyone to speak to me with disrespect, regardless of their familial position.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 06/07/2021 11:38

Make comments about her wrinkes and grey hair

Original poster
kettlechips123 · 06/07/2021 11:39

No, I've never called her out on it. I just sort of laugh it off and try to change the subject. But is does hurt, especially as I am aware I am overweight and really trying to lose it.

OP posts:
Xmassprout · 06/07/2021 11:39

I would give her a taste of her own medicine. Next time she comments, casually ask her what she is doing to lose her extra pounds

BellyFlipFlop · 06/07/2021 11:40

I'd be annoyed but have you said 'please stop commenting on my weight and exercise. I find it really upsetting'?

And then I would never mention your diet or exercise plans to her so she can't comment.

thedevilinablackdress · 06/07/2021 11:42

Yanbu to be annoyed.
Yanbu to continue to discuss the subject with her and/or not call her out on rudeness.

PleasantBirthday · 06/07/2021 11:43

Why are you telling her about your diet and exercise in the first place? Surely that's inviting comment?

thedevilinablackdress · 06/07/2021 11:43

YABU to the second list!!

Bluntness100 · 06/07/2021 11:44

I mean this politely by why do you keep mentioning it to her then? Confused

NoGenderPleaseImBritish · 06/07/2021 11:45

Why are you telling her about your diet and exercise in the first place? Surely that's inviting comment?

MIL: What have you been up to today?

OP: Gym and out to lunch.

Normal conversation is not an invitation for a cunty remark. Why do people always say that is?

If you tell your mother-in-law that you bought a new dress is it grounds for her to laugh at your shit taste in clothes?

Holly60 · 06/07/2021 11:45

I guessed as soon as I started reading that she would be the same size as you. I don’t know why I just knew. Because she is the same she probably doesn’t think it’s rude, probably. Just say to her - ‘oi don’t be mean, it makes me feel bad’.

AnnaMagnani · 06/07/2021 11:45

Call her out on it. She probably thinks its a normal topic of female conversation rather than being personally horrid (although you never know) but if you don't put a stop to it, she'll carry on, and with any daughters you have.

BunnyRuddington · 06/07/2021 11:45

I'd just go with the plan of never mentioning your diet, weight or exercising again. If she persists either get your DH to say something to her or say something along the lines of "aren't we the same size MIL"? Laugh and change the subject.

My M is totally obsessed with mine and my DSis' weight, she's 86 and you'd think she'd grown out of her utter fucking rudeness her obsession with weight by now Angry

Howshouldibehave · 06/07/2021 11:46

she laughs if I mention I've been to the gym or eaten a healthy meal.

Don’t tell her any of those things.

I don’t speak to my MiL on the phone at all-that’s DH’s job!

Original poster
kettlechips123 · 06/07/2021 11:46

@Bluntness100 because I'm chatty and find myself just slipping it out. As soon as I mention it I kick myself.
Need to get a zipper for my mouth I think.

OP posts:
NoGenderPleaseImBritish · 06/07/2021 11:46

I'd probably just respond with "yeah, I need to lose a bit of weight. Anyway, have you ever noticed how men seem to marry women that look like their mums"? Grin

LookItsMeAgain · 06/07/2021 11:46

I'd hang up the phone.
Tell her that you've had software installed on the phone that cuts the line when she mentions your weight/diet/exercise regime over the phone. Every. Single. Time.
She'll have to phone back if she wants to continue the conversation.
or
Hand the phone over to your DH every time she does it. Say loudly enough so that she'll hear at the other end "Your mother is commenting on my weight/diet/exercise plan, so you can deal with her/talk with her now. I've had enough!" Doesn't matter if you're mid conversation about something, do it every time.
or
Warn her that you'll hang up the phone if she does it and then follow through on that.

pickingdaisies · 06/07/2021 11:46

Ask her what's so funny. Let her dig her way out of that.

NoGenderPleaseImBritish · 06/07/2021 11:47

Or even "thanks for the tip fatty". Grin

It's just so fucking rude.

NoGenderPleaseImBritish · 06/07/2021 11:48

@Bluntness100

I mean this politely by why do you keep mentioning it to her then? Confused
I mean this politely, but do you really believe that someone intent on being rude will stop if you avoid certain topics of conversation? Confused
PleasantBirthday · 06/07/2021 11:49

Normal conversation is not an invitation for a cunty remark. Why do people always say that is?

Well, if there's something that I don't want any comment on, I just don't say anything about it, usually. I mean, for most people, telling them you went to the gym might be normal, pleasant conversation but with some people it clearly isn't so why not just not say anything that they're going to make remarks about rather than continuing to tell them things in the hope that they will not make remarks?

Laserbird16 · 06/07/2021 11:50

She isn't considering your feelings so I'd return the favour.

Why does she need to mention your weight? It's rude and unpleasant. Ask her that directly.

Any idiot however awkward would stop harping on after that. If she doesn't I'd tell her you're not interested in her opinion and if she can't refrain from insulting you you won't stick around to hear it.

I know my mother likes to comment on everyone's weight. Maybe it's a generation thing but it's still nasty and makes me think worse of her not the person just existing and minding their own business.

Tlollj · 06/07/2021 11:52

I have two dil and can not imagine saying anything as horrible as this to them.
She should be on your side she should be supporting you.
Tell her to shut up and mind her business if your dh won’t you are going to have to. Don’t worry about upsetting her she doesn’t worry about upsetting you.

PrettyLittleFlies · 06/07/2021 11:52

Seems to be generational in that older people feel free to comment on others' weight. It isn't, and it's fine for you to tell her you don't like it.

billy1966 · 06/07/2021 11:53

Very rude.

I can't imagine allowing that more than once.

IMO 12st at 5ft 7 does not make you seriously overweight.....but then I too have gained a few lbs over the past year.