School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

[duckme]

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

@NursieBernard

The 'He is Gillick competent' argument is not correct as the OP's son was influenced into taking the test, this goes against the Gillick competency guidelines.

Given the OP's attitude to this, I doubt the son would be honest if he'd eagerly consented. Blaming coercion will likely get him out of an argument at home.

He may have been railroaded at school, we don't really know for sure. But he has definitely been railroaded by his mum.

@NursieBernard

The 'He is Gillick competent' argument is not correct as the OP's son was influenced into taking the test, this goes against the Gillick competency guidelines.

How do you know? That's what he told his mother.

I hope you're sitting down, because I have got some shocking news for you: not everything kids tell their parents about what happened in school is 100% accurate.

It's just as likely that he didn't feel able to admit to the OP that he consented to the LFT, so he made up some BS about being pressured into it.

@TheOrigRights if the parent had consented and the child said no, the test would not have been done. The child's lack of consent would have overriden the parent's consent

It’s your son’s choice at 13.

@scrambledcustard there are, rightly, age restrictions on long term decisions such as tattoos. Drinking a spoon of vinegar? Well, I hope DD learned not to be so stupid...

@chickenyhead thanks but I have quoted from gillick competency guidelines - they do not appear to say "After the age of 13 the child's consent overrides the parents. This is not new at all" - competency has to be established. By someone competent to do so

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand as above - unless there is some new law stating "all teens can decide whether to get tested for covid automatically and the parents' consent is not necessary" in which case please can you link.

@Clangerschick - well said.

At 13 he’s probably Gillick competent 🤷🏻‍♀️ He gets to decide, not you.

• Or had he been nfluenced into ‘not’ taking the test at home? We only have the OPs very biased opinion. Would be very interesting to hear her sons version of events and that of the school staff.*

The issue is those versions can't come to light, unless OP brings it up to the school.

A lot of posters seem to think coercion is irrelevant anyways as it's for the "greater good". Which is fucking terrifying.

I don't believe for a minute that he was forced, coerced, or humiliated.

I think he was asked, given the option, and made his decision to have it.

Bright boy, both for being able to make his own decisions and for being able to stand up to controlling, deluded parents.

YANBU.
No need to explain reasons. It's your parental right being ignored.
You're not Shiva, Bringer Of Death, despite this sub.

A PP outlined above that, in their experience/or setting, IDK:

1. Consent from both parent and child - it's a GO.
2. Consent from parent but NOT child is a NO & a disciplinary (!)
3. No consent from parent but consent from child - it's a GO (!)
4. No consent from both parent and child - it's a NO.

Would like to hear if this double consent process is across schools.

I'm guessing you don't work and have a lot of time on your hands .

@ThrowawayBerna

YANBU. No need to explain reasons. It's your parental right being ignored. You're not Shiva, Bringer Of Death, despite this sub.

A PP outlined above that, in their experience/or setting, IDK:

1. Consent from both parent and child - it's a GO.
2. Consent from parent but NOT child is a NO & a disciplinary (!)
3. No consent from parent but consent from child - it's a GO (!)
4. No consent from both parent and child - it's a NO.

Would like to hear if this double consent process is across schools.

Parental rights are limited to the child's best interests. As the child gets older their choices have more weight

And I thought my mum was embarrassing.

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@TheOrigRights if the parent had consented and the child said no, the test would not have been done. The child's lack of consent would have overriden the parent's consent[/quote]
So, why ask for parent's consent?

I wonder, for the kids that kicked up a fuss and said they didn't want it, said they'd had one that morning or said it made them vomit or whatever, do you think they didn't carry out the test? Or do you think they said "well, your parents have signed this form, so you have to have it"?

You're saying for the kids that fit their agenda (have the test) they're not assessing them as Gillick competent, but for those that don't they're (apparently) applying Gillick competency guidelines.

@2bunny, take away the covid and the test. Take away the D 'S' bit too.

13 yo DD asks school nurse about contraception, morning after pill, availability of condoms, abortion. Parents are known to be against that sort of thing.
What to do?

[quote thatisschocking]@chickenyhead thanks but I have quoted from gillick competency guidelines - they do not appear to say "After the age of 13 the child's consent overrides the parents. This is not new at all" - competency has to be established. By someone competent to do so

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand as above - unless there is some new law stating "all teens can decide whether to get tested for covid automatically and the parents' consent is not necessary" in which case please can you link.[/quote]
The CQC guidelines are really clear on age. Frankly it is common knowledge, I am surprised that you aren't aware. Having 2 children with long term health conditions has made me hyper aware of their rights.

I doubt very much that OPS child didn't know what the test involved, the reasons for not having it. Yet he stuck it up his own nose.

It's not unknown for nurses to try to pressure DCs so I wouldn't be entirely sure the DC was lying. My DSIS had a similar issue with her DS. And the nurse did not check at any point (with DSIS or her DS) if there was a medical reason why consent was being withheld before she tried to railroad them.

[quote Allington]@thatisschocking yes, as a parent of a 13 year old (with some special needs) I think it is her decision whether she does a nose swab. Why wouldn't I?[/quote]
@allington - can you not see the difference between you making that decision in relation to your child and a different parent making a different decision for their child? There is a huge difference, because there are going to be many different ways of seeing the world out there which are different to yours, and yours is not the only way, and everyone who disagrees with you or thinks differently is not necessarily going to be "wrong". I really hope that that makes sense to you now. Someone who really truly thinks that they way they think is right and everyone else is wrong is not likely to be demonstrating healthy thought patterns themselves.

I am assuming the child did the test, the nurse would probably have just given them the swab, so if the child said no, the swab wouldn't have been anywhere near their nose/mouth because the child wouldn't have put it there

Kids who refuse the test can't be forced to have it at school. So yes, it is the child's consent that matter.

YANBU - why send consent forms home if they're going to ignore them anyway? Parents should be having these discussions with their children at the time of agreeing consent. It is NEVER upto school to be taking that upon themselves and ignoring the parental right to consent.

I actually think YABU for declining the consent for this. It's pretty irresponsible.

HOWEVER - the reality is that you did decline and then someone bullied your child into giving a consent which they've previously said was YOURS to give. I'd be furious.

@rwalker

I'm guessing you don't work and have a lot of time on your hands .

Wrong on both accounts there. Sorry. Interested to hear how you came to this though